I am sooo depressed-isues-issues-issues(LONG)

This  is serious- I am not whining, really- just having a hard time dealing with my band & it's "troubles" as it has DRASTICALLY changed in the last 10 days.

Since I have lost 95% restriction (&  the 5% that I DO sometimes have is not on evry day-it varies)  I have come upon stumbling block after stumbling block & I can't see a light at then end of ANY tunnel...

I was a cash pay, I am making my LAST $ 532 payment this month.  It definitly DOES NOT feel good to finally , after 4 years be making my LAST payment & now have NOTHING to show for it , except that I "had" lost 80lbs & now I have (because I gained 10 lbs without even realizing I lost restriction or that it was "coming") lost 70lbs & creeping up faster than I could have ever imagined.

I THOUGHT I could handle it & just continue to "band" eat.  It's not that easy at all. IM SURE ALOT OF YOU CAN ALSO RELATE- In fact , I made it through 1 day (out of 10) so far of doing what I am suppoed to be eating.  Today, I pulled out my weigh****chers calculator along with my notebook & am trying that, I am hoping for success. 

SECOND hurdle, my insurance ( that was helping me with covering FILLS & visits) has changed to BCBS HMO  ( was Aetna PPO) & no longer allows me to go back to my doctor of the last 5 years, which means ( & in my experience, it takes approx 45 days for referrals & he's hours away) I am starting over FRESH with a NEW doctor & God only knows what IT DOESNT cover, plus I have a while to "wing" my eating habits.

MY HUSBAND IS NO HELP, ALL HE DOES IS EAT N EAT N EAT- A HORRIBLE EXAMPLE FOR OUR 4 DAUGHTERS & IT IRRITATES ME THAT HE DOES ALL OF THIS IN FRONT OF ME.  IT'S JUST LIKE SOMEONE WHO JUST QUIT SMOKING AND I SIT THERE & BLOW SMOKE IN HIS FACE.  HE'S JUST KEEPS GAINING WEIGHT BY THE WEEK & I CAN'T SAY A DARN THING BECAUSE HE NEVER EVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT I WAS EATING OR WHAT I WEIGHED (AT 300LBS) & ALWAYS WAS AN AFFECTONATE HUSBAND.

Because of all of my daily irritations ( and I have tons NOT weight related) I have lost all interest in affection.  I'm sure alot has to do with the financial stress & everything else that goes along with daily family life & running a failing business.
I DO HAVE ALOT ON MY SHOULDERS, MORE THAN MY HUSBAND & TRYING TO GET THEM TO "GET THAT" IS POINTLESS.

PLEASE, EVERYONE, I AM NOT WHINING, JUST VENTING...SO PLEASE , IF YOU'RE ADVICE IS GOING TO BE " GROW UP & DEAL WITH IT ALL " THEN IT'S NOT THE KIND OF ADVICE I NEED & YOU COULD NEVER IMAGINE HOW MUCH PRESSURE IS ON ME-( I'm sure I'm NOT the only one)
I NEED ADVICE FROM PEOPLE THAT HAVE BEEN IN MY SHOES & SOME "POSITIVE " ADVICE THAT CAN HELP ME

BACK TO ONE OF MY QUESTIONS: Since it's going to be awhile until I find out what the problem is on my band & if it's even a  "fixable" problem,plus I don't have the money to fix any problems) I am wondering if the lack of restriction could be cause by a problem with my port ??
I just realized last night that my port has not been hurting.  For the last year, since I have lost this weight, my "PORT" has moved ( it's on the left side) to more in the center of my lower belly & for the last year it has always been uncomfortable ( and a bit sore) to sleep on my left, this always having to sleep on my right side. NOW, there's NO DISCOMFORT at all.  Is it still attached ?

REALLY- WHAT CAN BE HAPPENING ? DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY LEGITIMATE ADVICE ?  

I have so much I want to share with you, but I need to get off the computer before my husband starts to freak out on me. It's his only day off and I need to spend some time with him today.

Really quick.....

1. Step on the scale every day to make sure that you don't gain anymore weight.

2. Losing restriction is a common problem with LAGB and there are many reason why, but without questioning you further I don't know how to advise you.

3. Click on this link to the Failed Bands Group
www.obesityhelp.com/group/failed_lap_bands/. You will find many people over there who are experiencing the same issues as you are,who are willing to offer you support, advice, and encouragement.
Once you click on the link please PM me with a heads up so I can approve you. If you don't do this within the next few minutes, you will be approved by another administrator sometime later today.

Good luck and hope to see you in the FBG.

Lisa

P.S. I didn't mean to imply that you wouldn't get support, advice, and encouragement here.

Thanks Lisa- I just joined

I really appreciate your help

Do you think your husband's contant eating and weight gain is a self-esteem issue (i.e. he feels jealous of your weight loss and the changed that you've made and is using food to make himself fell better)? 

I'm not  sure whatit is, I personally think its 2 things: 

It's the way he "deals" with the financial stress & the frustration of family day t day schedules
plus
I think it's his way of trying to 'sabotage" my weight loss

Bck in the day, while we were 2 happily married ( eating ) couples, we were at our happiest.

Now, that we have 4 daughters & schedules & work and schedules and shedules , etc...it's his way of dealing with the stress?

This would be my only answer as to why, once we "finally" sit down for the day , some nights at 11pm or later, he would make a big plate of food & go to bed on it.

In "my world", I wouldn't have anything , or "if" i did, it would be a graham cracker or 2 to keep my sugar up while I slept, NOT this huge meal ?

He always wants to GO OUT to eat.  Last night, for example, we ran some errands & i knew we just had the previous days worth of food to in the house to eat, so, I was going to come home & make a salad & be done with it. I could tell  he wanted to grab something on the way home by the way he spoke to our daughters on the phone before we left the store.

Once we got home, he made :
a fried veal patty sandwich ( he got a frozen patty & fried it in a pan of olive oil) & put cheese on it & put it on a hamburger bun ( he puts cheese on EVERYTHING) and then at a couple of pieces of pizza on the "side" of it.
After that, he heated up some leftover creamy beef dip we had 2  nights ago for dinner and ate that with potatoe chips, then right before bed, he ate a bowl of Frankenberry cereal for dessert.  

This all started at 7pm and lasted until 11pm

I have NEVER seen him hit course after course like he's doing now.  Pretty soon, he's going to be 400 lbs.

He is always making remarks like : "I must have lost a few pounds because these jeans were tight 2 months ago"  and I look at him like , "ok?"

It's not that they're looser now, he just pushes his bottoms further down his rear end, then he puts on a belt and thinks that becuse he has a belt on, his pants are getting looser.

It's a horrible example he's setting for our daughters. Though, most of the time he's eating, its after their bedtime
he justifys it by saying
"Well, I haven't eaten all day"

I think the obvious answer is to do whatever it takes to get in to see a doctor for follow-up. You may need a fill or be in need of a more in depth repair/revision/removal, but there is no way of telling until you can get in for some follow-up care.

In the meantime, do whatever you can to make good food choices and stay on the scale to try and be aware and avoid regain. Regain is very easy with the lap band because without restriction, your big ole stomach is still there waiting to be fed. I ended up regaining any weight I had lost with my band once my restriction was gone. It comes back fast. It is hard, but do the best you can.

Best of luck and keep us updated,
Lindsey

Hon you have to remember his eating is his issue and your eating is your issue. There isn't one thing you can do to make him change, he has to decide that for himself. All you can do is make sure you and your girls eat as healthy as you can. If he is out of control don't let him push you out of control.
We can all guess till the cows come home what the problem is with the band but it doesn't accomplish anything unless it is confirmed by a doc. So we can tell you yea it's all fine but that won't make it fine if it isn't. You have to find a way to see a doc. It could me a hundred different things.
Deal with all this one issue at a time or you will feel overwhelmed and unable to deal with any of it. I wish you the best, hang in there, and remember one day at a time.

Thanks... I can sooosee the weight coming on soooo very fast.  Did so good with points until after dinner.  Once I started eating my "pointed" dinner, I just kept on munching...
Im glad the weekend is over & it's back to work and other stuff to keep me from eating.

You're right, his eating is HIS EATING, BUT it seems as if he does this intentionally to torture me, but you can definitly tell he's so much happier after he's eaten.  He's never been like this , so this is all  new for me ( & I;m sure him), he has always been a BIT fluffy, but not overweight. I WAS always the one, short & fat on this tall , good looking mans arm.   Now- it doesnt seem as if he cares that much, or , as all of us "over eaters" KNOW- we just hide how much it bothers us. 
Heading over to the lap band failure board. I had some restriction with dinner, but it was still the bottomless pit.  I never got full.  

Sounds like he may even be suffering from some depression that may need some medical intervention. He probably isn't trying to sabatoge you as much as he is trying to soothe himself. I know how men are about seeing a doc but maybe you can talk him into it. If men were just women we'd get along so much better!

hey hun i lost restriction too come to find out is my pouch was stretched so he unfilled me a little said it wasnt a big deal but now im very restricted.i put myself on liquids for five days