Sad and disappointed... SMH
(deactivated member)
on 9/14/11 7:53 am - Califreakinfornia , CA
on 9/14/11 7:53 am - Califreakinfornia , CA
On September 14, 2011 at 8:05 AM Pacific Time, Nichole N. wrote:
"But for those that have heard the horror storries and see the frequency with which they occur............and see that there are hardly any long term bandsters on here............and even fewer long term bandsters that haven't had to have a 2nd surgery............well I just don't know how you could know these things and still get the band???"I truly believe that IF there are in fact hardly any long term bandsters on here, I think it's because #1, people really have not been getting the surgery for THAT long... I actually kind of consider myself a trial bandster and have only been banded a few years... And #2 I think most of them are out enjoying their new life! I'll admit I abandoned the boards when I got near my goal. I was way too busy living and having a blast in my new body. I know a good handful of people personally that were banded around the same time as me who are never active on the boards anymore because they're doing great at their goal weight. MOST people who are doing great without complications no longer need a support forum... Just a thought.
On September 14, 2011 at 2:53 PM Pacific Time, Pumpkin X . wrote:
On September 14, 2011 at 8:05 AM Pacific Time, Nichole N. wrote:
"But for those that have heard the horror storries and see the frequency with which they occur............and see that there are hardly any long term bandsters on here............and even fewer long term bandsters that haven't had to have a 2nd surgery............well I just don't know how you could know these things and still get the band???"I truly believe that IF there are in fact hardly any long term bandsters on here, I think it's because #1, people really have not been getting the surgery for THAT long... I actually kind of consider myself a trial bandster and have only been banded a few years... And #2 I think most of them are out enjoying their new life! I'll admit I abandoned the boards when I got near my goal. I was way too busy living and having a blast in my new body. I know a good handful of people personally that were banded around the same time as me who are never active on the boards anymore because they're doing great at their goal weight. MOST people who are doing great without complications no longer need a support forum... Just a thought.
That's exactly what she's saying!
On September 14, 2011 at 6:00 PM Pacific Time, Nichole N. wrote:
Do I believe that people whose lap bands have failed them are still hanging around here? Absolutely. Aren't you one of them?"Excuse me? Where the F*** do you suggest I hang around? I have a Lap-Band. I am on the Lowcountry's Lap-Band board" lol
(deactivated member)
on 9/14/11 11:34 am - Califreakinfornia , CA
on 9/14/11 11:34 am - Califreakinfornia , CA
On September 14, 2011 at 6:00 PM Pacific Time, Nichole N. wrote:
Do I believe that people whose lap bands have failed them are still hanging around here? Absolutely. Aren't you one of them?It just leaves a sour note Nicole and I don't think it's a fair or accurate description of why some hang around and others don't. The truth is we really don't know the answer to that and never will.
Hi Nichole ~ First of all, let me say, "Welcome back!" I am fairly new here, although my membership date would lead you to believe otherwise. I joined way back when only to find out that our insurance would not cover WLS. I was so discouraged and didn't know when I would ever be able to get it done, so I stayed away until earlier this year. My hubby's insurance changed, so I was finally able to get the surgery 8/10 of this year.
Like you, I went into it knowing the risks. My mother even had complications with it a couple years ago, and had to have 3 surgeries before finally having an RNY. I still chose to be banded. I read the good, bad, and ugly, talked with my surgeon (who didn't promote it at all, in fact almost tried to talk me out of it to make sure it's what I really wanted), and still felt it was the right choice for me. I'm only 5 weeks out, so it's too early to tell how well it will go for me, but so far, so good. I've lost almost 16 pounds so far. Slow going!
Anyway, I have a friend considering WLS, and I will NOT tell her about this web site until she's done some research on her own first, and I think she's ready to sort and sift through the emotions and STRONG opinions on here.
I have learned to roll my eyes and ignore some posts and people. And I may eventually use the block button if it comes to that. I've also learned that the main forum is definitely not the place to go for support, but it sure is entertaining, and I do get a few helpful hints here and there. Honestly, I am usually scared to mention that I have a band there. I keep that very quiet. I get much more help and support here, on the Realize board (that's the type I've had), and on my state board. I think that's why I'm able to take the main forum stuff with a grain of salt.
I agree that respect needs to go both ways, but I disagree that it happens equally both ways. I've been a regular here since a few weeks before my surgery, and I see many, MANY more bandsters get ripped apart. I've seen failed bandsters on THIS forum treated with respect and sympathy that it did not work for them. I have not seen anyone blame the bandster for failed weight loss or complications any more than the other surgeries. (And I don't recall ever seeing it here.) What I mean is that I hear that the surgery is a tool all the time...about ALL the surgeries. (A lot of failed bandsters say they don't have a tool anymore...but what about failed RNY-ers...they no longer have a tool either. ALL the surgeries are tools and need to be treated as such, and some people, even with following all the rules and doing everything right, end up with a failed surgery. THEY have not failed...their surgery has failed them.) And some posters allude to the fact that if weight loss is not happening or complications arise, you must be doing something wrong and/or not following all the rules. That is so wrong! But it's wrong for anyone to say that about any surgery, and I just don't see it happening with bandsters any more than with the other WLSs.
Perhaps bandsters have a strong comradarie and bond b/c we sometimes feel like it's us against the rest of the WLS world. We often have to defend our choice, when NO WLS person should have to do that.
Inform, yes. Tell your story, yes! But don't tell someone they're below average intelligence because they chose the surgery they did...and yes, I've seen that over and over again. And if someone has said that they've done the research and they're set on their surgery, wish them well, answer their question and move on. Don't try to bully them into another surgery.
"Support doesn't mean saying what you want to hear." I've read that statement at least once a day since I've been here. It's become an excuse to say whatever you want, however you want, the other person's feelings be damned. As was said before, it's not WHAT you say, it's HOW you say it. Truth can be written on a two-by-four and then slammed into someone's head...that's one way to deliver it. But how productive is that? I've seen the verbal equivalent of that here many times.
I read a post recently that would have driven me away from that particular surgery had I been pre-op because the poster basically said that anyone who chose a different surgery had to be either stupid or lazy. Now, I know better than to let something like that deter me from doing thorough research on my own, but being human, it would have been tough to read the research w/o a predisposed negative bias against it after reading that post.
When someone says they are not an optimist, we automatically jump to the term "pessimist," but there is the middle ground of being a realist. The same is true when delivering truth. You don't have to surround it with positive fluff to be supportive, but neither do you have to be mean, nasty, and snarky. There is a middle ground of being calm, reasonable, and rational. I've seen a lot of that on this forum. I don't see it much on the main forum. (And don't tell me you're passionate like that's such a good thing...hate is a form of passion, too.)
Like you, I went into it knowing the risks. My mother even had complications with it a couple years ago, and had to have 3 surgeries before finally having an RNY. I still chose to be banded. I read the good, bad, and ugly, talked with my surgeon (who didn't promote it at all, in fact almost tried to talk me out of it to make sure it's what I really wanted), and still felt it was the right choice for me. I'm only 5 weeks out, so it's too early to tell how well it will go for me, but so far, so good. I've lost almost 16 pounds so far. Slow going!
Anyway, I have a friend considering WLS, and I will NOT tell her about this web site until she's done some research on her own first, and I think she's ready to sort and sift through the emotions and STRONG opinions on here.
I have learned to roll my eyes and ignore some posts and people. And I may eventually use the block button if it comes to that. I've also learned that the main forum is definitely not the place to go for support, but it sure is entertaining, and I do get a few helpful hints here and there. Honestly, I am usually scared to mention that I have a band there. I keep that very quiet. I get much more help and support here, on the Realize board (that's the type I've had), and on my state board. I think that's why I'm able to take the main forum stuff with a grain of salt.
I agree that respect needs to go both ways, but I disagree that it happens equally both ways. I've been a regular here since a few weeks before my surgery, and I see many, MANY more bandsters get ripped apart. I've seen failed bandsters on THIS forum treated with respect and sympathy that it did not work for them. I have not seen anyone blame the bandster for failed weight loss or complications any more than the other surgeries. (And I don't recall ever seeing it here.) What I mean is that I hear that the surgery is a tool all the time...about ALL the surgeries. (A lot of failed bandsters say they don't have a tool anymore...but what about failed RNY-ers...they no longer have a tool either. ALL the surgeries are tools and need to be treated as such, and some people, even with following all the rules and doing everything right, end up with a failed surgery. THEY have not failed...their surgery has failed them.) And some posters allude to the fact that if weight loss is not happening or complications arise, you must be doing something wrong and/or not following all the rules. That is so wrong! But it's wrong for anyone to say that about any surgery, and I just don't see it happening with bandsters any more than with the other WLSs.
Perhaps bandsters have a strong comradarie and bond b/c we sometimes feel like it's us against the rest of the WLS world. We often have to defend our choice, when NO WLS person should have to do that.
Inform, yes. Tell your story, yes! But don't tell someone they're below average intelligence because they chose the surgery they did...and yes, I've seen that over and over again. And if someone has said that they've done the research and they're set on their surgery, wish them well, answer their question and move on. Don't try to bully them into another surgery.
"Support doesn't mean saying what you want to hear." I've read that statement at least once a day since I've been here. It's become an excuse to say whatever you want, however you want, the other person's feelings be damned. As was said before, it's not WHAT you say, it's HOW you say it. Truth can be written on a two-by-four and then slammed into someone's head...that's one way to deliver it. But how productive is that? I've seen the verbal equivalent of that here many times.
I read a post recently that would have driven me away from that particular surgery had I been pre-op because the poster basically said that anyone who chose a different surgery had to be either stupid or lazy. Now, I know better than to let something like that deter me from doing thorough research on my own, but being human, it would have been tough to read the research w/o a predisposed negative bias against it after reading that post.
When someone says they are not an optimist, we automatically jump to the term "pessimist," but there is the middle ground of being a realist. The same is true when delivering truth. You don't have to surround it with positive fluff to be supportive, but neither do you have to be mean, nasty, and snarky. There is a middle ground of being calm, reasonable, and rational. I've seen a lot of that on this forum. I don't see it much on the main forum. (And don't tell me you're passionate like that's such a good thing...hate is a form of passion, too.)
Jodi
"Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light." ~ Helen Keller
Absolutely beautifully and respectfully written! You and I are entirely on the same page. I'm here to support you in any way I can in your choice to get the lap-band. IF it were to fail you, I would also support you in whatever you chose to do to remedy the situation. Congrats on 16 pounds! That's awesome!!! Best of luck to you, and I hope to see much more of you on this forum!
Amen. And honestly, one of the other reasons you don't see a lot of long-term banders here? We just get sick of it. Really, how pleasant is it for me to have devote large chunks of time to debating rude, hostile people who mistake obnoxiousness for education? The entertainment value wears off pretty fast.
Banded 03/22/06 276/261/184 (highest/surgery/lowest)
Sleeved 07/11/2013 228/165 (surgery/current) (111lbs lost)
Mom to two of the cutest boys on earth.
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