Not all successes are inches and pounds

For those of you who are new and are reading this let me give you a quick background I had Lap Band surgery March of 09 I was MISERABLE 313 pounds I wasn't just miserable because of my size but how it held me back from participating in life .. I was tired, I was sedatary, I over consumed in foods that made me feel good or happy and when things in life weren't good I ate to console myself. All my emotions, dreams, hopes, and fears were wrapped in food..sweet or salty depending on my mood.

After my surgery I watched what I ate (I was never perfect) and I started to exercise and at my lowest I lost 106 pounds.. then I lost my father and from Thanksgiving to New Years gained 20 pounds because of my history with food .. I leaned on food yet again in my life for comfort. Then I had a light buld moment when my pants were tight.. and I couldnt deny the gain. The food was making me both happy when i consumed it and sad and angry when my clothes didn't fit and I knew then I had to pick a side... I remember WHY I had the surgery in the first place.. not to be a size 8 or to run marathons ..nothing wrong with either of those but that's not who I am. I wanted to be a more active person in life yes but  I wanted things like fitting in a chair with arms rests not worrying about being seated in a booth. I wanted to a better verision of me not america's top model LOL

The journey from the weight gain hasn't been easy my body got very comfortable and very stubborn so I'm only down 12-15 pounds of that weight gain.. I flucuate up and down a few pounds here and there.. but I know I need to make a strong push forward to lose the remaining 40 pounds I'd like to lose.. so I have found an accountability partner and we have exercise minutes goals and I hope this will help me push forward because I don't want to abandon my goal .. 182 pounds isn't un-realistic for me .. i should be closer to 120 to be honest because of my height but as I mentioned before that was never my goal ..

Sometimes we have to self accept and I self accept myself at  always being "chubby" lol I don't what terms to use .. curvy ? I did semi think I would lose the weight and meet a guy and I haven't but I will say I have gotten noticed a lot more that always encouraging and it BOOSTS my self esteem but I know the love I need to find is with myself and all the years of hating myself just because I had surgery didn't cure those demons.

I haven't been on this site in awhile but other goal of mine is log on more and encourage and inspired and be inspired!


 

You are missed when you're not here!

I'm exactly where you are and have finally submitted to the notion that I need to exercise to lose these last 30 lbs.  My body has settled at 10 lbs above my lowest post op weight.  It's a good feeling to know that I don't HAVE to lose more weight, my co-morbidities are all reversed and I'm able to do hundreds of different things that I couldn't do for a long time but I still want to reach that goal.  It's a resonable goal, 20 lbs over what the BMI chart says I should be.  My therapist asked me what would happen if I don't reach that weight and honestly the answer is nothing!  I'm healthy, I'm happy and very blessed to have lost 100+ lbs with the help of my band. 

But...I want to hit that goal.  Even if it's for a day, I want to weight 195!  I want to hit that goal because I've given up so many times in my life when things got tough!  I didn't believe in myself enough to really, really trust that I could do things that were really, really difficult.  I've had many successes in my life but usually stopped short of what I considered winning, achieving or deserving the big prize!  I know I'm not that person anymore.  I know I can reach this goal eventhough it's been 2 years since I lost any significant weight after the initial 100 lbs.

Last week I put into action my plan to get daily exercise and I've been faithful so far.  I can tell this is a new committed attitude because I've done it half-way MANY times before and today I FEEL ready.  (I even made myself, and my DH, ride my bike to Starbucks yesterday to get my morning coffee at 7 a.m. on a Sunday!)

We can do this!

Great post!
Lisa O.

I have been a long time looker on here, don't post much but always like to read what the long timers put. Glad to read your post they are musch inspiration to me, espically when dealing with the demons inside my head wanting to go back to old habbits and the felling I get when i do. Nothing compares to getting on the scale and seeing the number be less than the previous weigh in. Just wanted to say thanks for the inspiration. :)

I really enjoyed reading your post, it is so thoughtful and well written.  I wish you all the luck in the world finding that sometimes elusive inner peace. 

Thanks!