Failure!

Hello everyone!  It has been so long since I have been on here!  I got banded in may 2007.....I only had a  couple of fills and was doing good....not great...but I was atleast losing.....then I met a man who I thought was the man of my dreams....got married...found out he was the biggest con man who took my life savings along with several other peoples.....got my marriage annulled....put my big girl undies on and got back on track...then my dad died....a lot of drama.....I know its not an excuse but I just had sooo much going on that once again I put myself last.  Now, I have decided that I have gained so much weight and I am miserable and I want to try again.  Called today and made appointment to get a fill and get back on the wagon......Here is my problem:  I FEEL like a huge failure.  My appt is not til 9-7-11 but I can already vision the look of disbelief and disgust in the doctors eyes when he sees me.  I just wanted to get some words of advice from anyone who has had the band as long as me and now has to start over.....how do I take my own advice and say tomorrow is another day and I am not a failure as long as I keep trying????

I'm sorry, Dentonuser!  I can imagine how you must be feeling...but you have taken a huge step in acknowledging your responsibility in the weightloss.   I, too, would be worried about what other's (including the doctor/nurses) must think of me.  But that is my biggest problem....the "what if's" in my head and "what must they be thinking when they see me".  I have no magic advice...but please know you are not alone and you can make tomorrow a fresh start!

We don't always have control of other people and experiences we are placed in...but we do have control over what we put in our mouths.  Take that control back and hold your head high!  You CAN and WILL do this!

how do I take my own advice and say tomorrow is another day and I am not a failure as long as I keep trying????

You just do it, that's how!  I know it sounds simplistic, but you're here and this is a great first step.  For me, this site has been really critical to my success so don't be a stranger, (even if you fall off the wagon a couple of times which is totally normal), don't hide from us.  There's nobody better able to understand what you're going through than all of us, so use us!

As far as your doctor.  He's paid to help you and you are not going to be his first patient to have gained their weight back.  Remember, he works for you!  The most important thing is for you to have him check your band to make sure everything is where it should be and to get a fill if you need one so the band can start to do it's thing.

Back to the basic bandster rules, (you know the drill)!

You CAN do this! 

Best~
Lisa O.

Thank you so much for your replies!  They both made me cry because I know you understand how I feel!  I just hate going to the doctor....but I know it has to be done! And your right....this site was such an inspiration to me way back then.....it would keep me motivated and then one day I just stopped reading it.....I will make it a priority to read it everyday again!  I love you guys on here...thanks for the support!

 First off....Welcome back to OH.    Second off....you are NOT a failure and PLEASE QUIT SAYING THAT !!!!   We are ALL much to critical of ourselves.    We need to start to treat ourselves as we would treat our "BEST" friend.    Now that being said.  You have had LOTS of life issues come up in your life and slap you in the face over and over.    Trust me....I was were you were 2 yrs. ago.   I had 5 people I was close to die in a 12 month period.   I was almost 4 yrs. post op and had not gained anything but then I gained about 20 + lbs.   I still haven't lost all that ( I am a RNY patient and not a band patient ).    We can't go around beating ourself up when we chose to stress eat.   I bet you ate lots of time and were even unaware of it.   I know I did.    I am on this message board because I am a OH Support Group leader and I CARE about everyone no matter what surgery they chose.   I am not perfect but human.....so PLEASE don't think I am " All knowing or perfect" because that couldn't be farther from the truth.    Please know that you can even contact me if you need encouragement.   ALL the WLS work !!!!  I don't think one of them is more superior than another.   They all work...just differently.    I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers that your doctor visit on the 7th will go well for you.    Know you are NOT a failure and not alone at all.   At least you are HERE for support.   Most *****gain run and hide their heads in the sand hoping no one sees them.    Congratulaions on not doing that.   PLEASE update us on how you are after the 7th.    Good luck to you and please hang around here.    We will encourage you.


Hugs and blessings ~~~ Vivian

 I think I am going back to the DR shortly due to my recent issues.  I haven't seen him since last September.  I don't think he cares for me much and I am always on the edge about it.  I know what you are thinking cause I have the same thoughts.  I've been banded for 2 years and down 40 lbs.  Hopefully he doesn't chastise me.  But I think Lisa is right, these doctors work for us.  It isn't charity work, it is for our health and they want us to be successful.  So by taking the step to get healthy should be just what your doctor wants to hear!  Besides, it's your life and your journey, not theirs.  So fork over your co-pay and don't take any ****  You are doing the right thing.  Hang in there and let us know how it goes!!!

So....have you made the appointment yet?

Lisa O.

You have suffered from tremendous loss and humiliation. Most of us here understand the tendency to be unkind and punishing to ourselves when we are less than perfect. No one can beat us up better than we do ourselves.

 Forgive yourself for being human, give yourself a break, and start all over again with our love and support. 

And your doctor is human too, and just might be more forgiving of you than you are of yourself.

Let us know how you make out, and keep in touch.  There are lots of good people here, and we are pulling for you.  You deserve it.

 

You can do this and I think you took a huge step just coming in here and telling us your story that is not a easy thing to do even sitting behind a computer screen .

And I know how you feel about the doctor I think anybody on here would feel the same way but he is there to help you and get you back on track  so you did a good thing by calling him :o)

You can start right now by getting your water in , start back to exercising and most importantly measuring your food and tracking your food so you can hold yourself accountable .

Keep coming back here for support.

We are here to help you all the way .

You are someone's hero reading your post today!!!   I suggest you treat 9/7/11  as your very first time of band weightloss!!  could of, should of, would of doesn't count!  You have made the decision to begin again, so do it with pride!!!  We are all here for you!