I wanted to update after my revision, but it's been a jungle on OH
and being fragile, I just needed a little protection. Well my skin has grown a little stronger and I am not so raw now so here I go:
Some background prior to my revision:
May 2010 - with no symptoms at all EXCEPT I am a bit more hungry and can eat more I go in for a fill. It is about a year since I had one so my doc said lets do a UGI first. Results, my esophagus is dilated. The hospital staff has a serious freak out and calls my docs office and they insist I go there right away. I was scheduled to see my doc the very next day as he was out the day of my UGI. His partner said "I reviewed the film and your band has to go right away". "Look, I've just had someone revise and he's very happy". I'm hysterical, my face is red and swollen and he takes most of my fill out. I say I don't want to revise and he said "I'm not trying to push anything on you, but you have to start thinking about it".
Next day I see my wonderful doc and he says Leila, you've lost over a hundred pounds with this band, lets not throw the baby out with the bath water. We will wait 4 weeks take another UGI and see if your esophagus heals. I waited maybe 6 weeks or more because I was traumatized with all I had been through with the band even prior. I felt so normal. I never threw up or got stuck nor was I miserable. I was flying high with my band.
July 2010 - UGI results, my dilated esophagus has not resolved. I am COMPLETELY devastated Completely. I thought I would die the more I thought of losing my band. It had given me a life I had never dreamed possible for myself. I was no longer the fat girl. I was the skinny chick in her 30's just really truly starting to explore the parts of life I had not allowed myself to experience. My band was emptied further (sometimes a complete unfill can lead to a slip because with weight loss the fat padding decreases on the stomach making the band looser and looser).
My doc says we don't have to hurry, nothing is really happening with my band. I decide to explore the Vertical Sleeve Plication. I could keep my stomach and have the sleeve - hmmm my cake and eat it too. Well my doc knows how to do the plication, does it all the time when doing the gastrectomy plus he truly is a genius
and he truly cares about me. No one is truly crazy about the plication and it is only done in 3 studies in the US and in Mexico.
Dec 2010 - last minute news, my insurance is changing 12/31/10. I must at least get the band out of me. My approval from the hospital board for the plication has been up in the air for months with no word. I call my doc to inform him that we need to take the band out. I don't know if my new insurance will cover bariatrics or an old problem. So doc says we are going to go ahead and do the plication.
Dec 20th 2010 - I am in the O.R. prepped for surgery. I saw and spoke to my doc 3x's prior that day and when they layed me down I said call my doc. He got on the O.R. phone with me and I said just take the band out, don't do the plication. He said it's okay, no problem.
So I am back to chaos. Going to Weigh****chers sporadically after being a true blue member for the past 3 years (I was a superstar there and couldn't be seen losing my skinny life). I'm gaining no matter what I do. I can't find any peace, I am at war with myself. I see a diet doctor, I read my collection of "losing it and keeping it off" books, I do my 5 mile walks in the park, on the streets, I ride my spinner in the morning. I'm so ******g embarrassed sooooooooooo devastatingly embarrassed. I can't get a hold of myself. I'm losing my "skinny life". Everyone can see me and I begin hiding. I miss my baby nieces 5th birthday, my nephews college graduation. I miss anything where I might see people who know me. I want to disappear.
Last time I saw my doc post-op band removal. I said I would do it on my own - I'd become a Weigh****chers leader and teach spinning. I've always ate healthy and I've always been active. I'm no bump on a log and surely I can figure this out. Meanwhile my results look like I've been in a corner stuffing myself with muffins. What was happening to me?
My doc and I almost have continuous dialogue through the months. I throw the Sleeve in the mix - we both drag. Then he said come in. All the while I am still hoping to lose on my own. I don't want to cut off most of my stomach - am I that insane! Disconnected I just start going through the motions with my new insurance. I see the nutritionist - on the side she says several times you know a lot about this and I believe you can do it on your own. She talks to me about what I will eat after VSG. I get my psych eval. the papers are submitted and just like that, I am approved - 4 days or less?
May 2011 I'm stalling. Doc said he could do my surgery right after the approval. I'm like you can't be serious because I was not. I just want to get myself right without any surgery. I am at war with myself. What am I going to do? Who is going to love me without a stomach :).
June 5th, the day and night before surgery I am panicking. I don't want to mutilate myself. I don't want to give up on me. I don't want to experience a leak or complications. I don't want to shorten my life because it feels like it has only begun. What am I going to do? I text my doc Sunday evening and say I am so sorry, but I can't do it. I am going to call the hospital and let them know that I am cancelling. Gee, he answer his phone and simply texts "what ever". I've put this man through hell - really. I drive him crazy but he says not. A half our later he says - the long term effects of a gastrectomy are minimal. He's the man *****ally didn't want to do any surgery on me years before when my band just did not work. A half our later I text "I will see you tomorrow"
My Revision
June 6th I am at the hospital by myself (friend meets me there). I did not include my huge family in this process. Most did not know I was having surgery. My docs surgical team is awesome. They talk and hold and comfort. We laugh and laugh, and I say put me down as soon as I lay down, I am very, very nervous. We laugh some more and I'm gone.
I wake up Frankensteined no longer a whole person, without my stomach. That is my dramatic interpretation. I got my stomach lopped off. I am so sorry I punished me. Why did I do this? What's really happening is a pain in my back, I am groggy, I have a rhaspy voice from the Bougie. My best friend is sitting next to me (she was the only one with me the day of surgery). I've got lots of I.V. drips, there's the saline, sugar water, the pain pump, benedryl for sleep, nexium. I have a Foley catheter (one of my favorite things). I am hooked up to all types of monitors. The care is incredible. Someone seems to always be by my side. I can't sleep. I walk the hospital floors - Foley is out. Everything is pretty foggy. The barium swallow goes well - no leaks . . . so far.
Day 2 doc asked if I was ready to go home, I say YES. He tells the nurses to disconnect me and let me go. I get dress like I am on speed and I take the subway back home to Brooklyn. Again I didn't really tell anyone and I didn't want a ride because it would feel so much more bumpy and longer. I make it up and down stairs with no problems. The sun is shining so brightly outside and I am thinking I should be dead without my stomach. How am I alive? How don't I feel like part of me is missing? I'm the same - aren't I?
I quickly settle into my routine. I wake, open my nexium capsule put the pellets in my mouth and swallow. I spend the in between time getting in my 16.9oz bottle of water in. I put my multivitamin wafer in my mouth then I take my shot of Lovenox in my stomach area (10 days AM/PM to prevent clotting). I get my 30 grams of protein in with a shake. Sip, sip, sip. I have no pain, I feel no different. I am still me. Sip, sip, sip - why can I sip so well - did my doc really remove my stomach? I must have a big stomach as I did say "not too small". I feel good. Still a few minutes in the day I catch myself "what have I done, what have I done"? Will my life be shorter because I got my stomach amputated? My wise niece tells me I must take the consequences with whatever decision I make - who raised her I wonder? Me!
I've had amazing support from the VSG forum here on OH. They are an awesome group! My best guy friend has a Lap Band and has been right there beside me. He was like just do it, get it done. Not everyone feels this post-op, but I have no hunger sensation at all. I am currently on my third week of full liquids. I feel good, I feel great! I am still going through the process. Who knows what tomorrow may bring? All I can do is my best and love me right where I am at. I want to be a wife and a mother and maybe even a spin instructor on the side. I am hoping not to run into problems - don't we all.
Life feels open again, I can breathe again. I get up and slip into my clothes - there is no war going on within. I am down 20lbs. I feel healthy. My period just came "on time" meaning my body is in synchronicity. The RA I had been suffering left me immediately post-op. I didn't realize it until I got home. I was just so "normal".
The City Doll has not come to OH in quite some time (you can see her on you tube) she gave me reason to hope for a better life after my Band failed. I watched her cried my eyeballs out the eve of surgery.
I like who I am right now. It is not the weight, it is the calm without chaos. I feel "normal" and that is all I ever wanted. The band made me "normal" when it worked - my hunger was quieted. There was no battle. I was able to live and that is all that I hope for now.
Long post I know and not a chance of editing as I am at work and have been typing in between.
xoxo
Oh, can I tell you that I was pressing a broken tv remote instead of my pain pump in the hospital
. When I was leaving team said I didn't even use it!
Some background prior to my revision:
May 2010 - with no symptoms at all EXCEPT I am a bit more hungry and can eat more I go in for a fill. It is about a year since I had one so my doc said lets do a UGI first. Results, my esophagus is dilated. The hospital staff has a serious freak out and calls my docs office and they insist I go there right away. I was scheduled to see my doc the very next day as he was out the day of my UGI. His partner said "I reviewed the film and your band has to go right away". "Look, I've just had someone revise and he's very happy". I'm hysterical, my face is red and swollen and he takes most of my fill out. I say I don't want to revise and he said "I'm not trying to push anything on you, but you have to start thinking about it".
Next day I see my wonderful doc and he says Leila, you've lost over a hundred pounds with this band, lets not throw the baby out with the bath water. We will wait 4 weeks take another UGI and see if your esophagus heals. I waited maybe 6 weeks or more because I was traumatized with all I had been through with the band even prior. I felt so normal. I never threw up or got stuck nor was I miserable. I was flying high with my band.
July 2010 - UGI results, my dilated esophagus has not resolved. I am COMPLETELY devastated Completely. I thought I would die the more I thought of losing my band. It had given me a life I had never dreamed possible for myself. I was no longer the fat girl. I was the skinny chick in her 30's just really truly starting to explore the parts of life I had not allowed myself to experience. My band was emptied further (sometimes a complete unfill can lead to a slip because with weight loss the fat padding decreases on the stomach making the band looser and looser).
My doc says we don't have to hurry, nothing is really happening with my band. I decide to explore the Vertical Sleeve Plication. I could keep my stomach and have the sleeve - hmmm my cake and eat it too. Well my doc knows how to do the plication, does it all the time when doing the gastrectomy plus he truly is a genius
and he truly cares about me. No one is truly crazy about the plication and it is only done in 3 studies in the US and in Mexico.Dec 2010 - last minute news, my insurance is changing 12/31/10. I must at least get the band out of me. My approval from the hospital board for the plication has been up in the air for months with no word. I call my doc to inform him that we need to take the band out. I don't know if my new insurance will cover bariatrics or an old problem. So doc says we are going to go ahead and do the plication.
Dec 20th 2010 - I am in the O.R. prepped for surgery. I saw and spoke to my doc 3x's prior that day and when they layed me down I said call my doc. He got on the O.R. phone with me and I said just take the band out, don't do the plication. He said it's okay, no problem.
So I am back to chaos. Going to Weigh****chers sporadically after being a true blue member for the past 3 years (I was a superstar there and couldn't be seen losing my skinny life). I'm gaining no matter what I do. I can't find any peace, I am at war with myself. I see a diet doctor, I read my collection of "losing it and keeping it off" books, I do my 5 mile walks in the park, on the streets, I ride my spinner in the morning. I'm so ******g embarrassed sooooooooooo devastatingly embarrassed. I can't get a hold of myself. I'm losing my "skinny life". Everyone can see me and I begin hiding. I miss my baby nieces 5th birthday, my nephews college graduation. I miss anything where I might see people who know me. I want to disappear.
Last time I saw my doc post-op band removal. I said I would do it on my own - I'd become a Weigh****chers leader and teach spinning. I've always ate healthy and I've always been active. I'm no bump on a log and surely I can figure this out. Meanwhile my results look like I've been in a corner stuffing myself with muffins. What was happening to me?
My doc and I almost have continuous dialogue through the months. I throw the Sleeve in the mix - we both drag. Then he said come in. All the while I am still hoping to lose on my own. I don't want to cut off most of my stomach - am I that insane! Disconnected I just start going through the motions with my new insurance. I see the nutritionist - on the side she says several times you know a lot about this and I believe you can do it on your own. She talks to me about what I will eat after VSG. I get my psych eval. the papers are submitted and just like that, I am approved - 4 days or less?
May 2011 I'm stalling. Doc said he could do my surgery right after the approval. I'm like you can't be serious because I was not. I just want to get myself right without any surgery. I am at war with myself. What am I going to do? Who is going to love me without a stomach :).
June 5th, the day and night before surgery I am panicking. I don't want to mutilate myself. I don't want to give up on me. I don't want to experience a leak or complications. I don't want to shorten my life because it feels like it has only begun. What am I going to do? I text my doc Sunday evening and say I am so sorry, but I can't do it. I am going to call the hospital and let them know that I am cancelling. Gee, he answer his phone and simply texts "what ever". I've put this man through hell - really. I drive him crazy but he says not. A half our later he says - the long term effects of a gastrectomy are minimal. He's the man *****ally didn't want to do any surgery on me years before when my band just did not work. A half our later I text "I will see you tomorrow"
My Revision
June 6th I am at the hospital by myself (friend meets me there). I did not include my huge family in this process. Most did not know I was having surgery. My docs surgical team is awesome. They talk and hold and comfort. We laugh and laugh, and I say put me down as soon as I lay down, I am very, very nervous. We laugh some more and I'm gone.
I wake up Frankensteined no longer a whole person, without my stomach. That is my dramatic interpretation. I got my stomach lopped off. I am so sorry I punished me. Why did I do this? What's really happening is a pain in my back, I am groggy, I have a rhaspy voice from the Bougie. My best friend is sitting next to me (she was the only one with me the day of surgery). I've got lots of I.V. drips, there's the saline, sugar water, the pain pump, benedryl for sleep, nexium. I have a Foley catheter (one of my favorite things). I am hooked up to all types of monitors. The care is incredible. Someone seems to always be by my side. I can't sleep. I walk the hospital floors - Foley is out. Everything is pretty foggy. The barium swallow goes well - no leaks . . . so far.
Day 2 doc asked if I was ready to go home, I say YES. He tells the nurses to disconnect me and let me go. I get dress like I am on speed and I take the subway back home to Brooklyn. Again I didn't really tell anyone and I didn't want a ride because it would feel so much more bumpy and longer. I make it up and down stairs with no problems. The sun is shining so brightly outside and I am thinking I should be dead without my stomach. How am I alive? How don't I feel like part of me is missing? I'm the same - aren't I?
I quickly settle into my routine. I wake, open my nexium capsule put the pellets in my mouth and swallow. I spend the in between time getting in my 16.9oz bottle of water in. I put my multivitamin wafer in my mouth then I take my shot of Lovenox in my stomach area (10 days AM/PM to prevent clotting). I get my 30 grams of protein in with a shake. Sip, sip, sip. I have no pain, I feel no different. I am still me. Sip, sip, sip - why can I sip so well - did my doc really remove my stomach? I must have a big stomach as I did say "not too small". I feel good. Still a few minutes in the day I catch myself "what have I done, what have I done"? Will my life be shorter because I got my stomach amputated? My wise niece tells me I must take the consequences with whatever decision I make - who raised her I wonder? Me!
I've had amazing support from the VSG forum here on OH. They are an awesome group! My best guy friend has a Lap Band and has been right there beside me. He was like just do it, get it done. Not everyone feels this post-op, but I have no hunger sensation at all. I am currently on my third week of full liquids. I feel good, I feel great! I am still going through the process. Who knows what tomorrow may bring? All I can do is my best and love me right where I am at. I want to be a wife and a mother and maybe even a spin instructor on the side. I am hoping not to run into problems - don't we all.
Life feels open again, I can breathe again. I get up and slip into my clothes - there is no war going on within. I am down 20lbs. I feel healthy. My period just came "on time" meaning my body is in synchronicity. The RA I had been suffering left me immediately post-op. I didn't realize it until I got home. I was just so "normal".
The City Doll has not come to OH in quite some time (you can see her on you tube) she gave me reason to hope for a better life after my Band failed. I watched her cried my eyeballs out the eve of surgery.
I like who I am right now. It is not the weight, it is the calm without chaos. I feel "normal" and that is all I ever wanted. The band made me "normal" when it worked - my hunger was quieted. There was no battle. I was able to live and that is all that I hope for now.
Long post I know and not a chance of editing as I am at work and have been typing in between.
xoxo
Oh, can I tell you that I was pressing a broken tv remote instead of my pain pump in the hospital
. When I was leaving team said I didn't even use it! 
3/30/2005 Lap Band installed 12/20/2010 Lap Band REMOVED
6/6/2011 Vertical SLEEVE Gastrectomy
Leila, I am so glad you finally got it done. You have been through hell and back. You sound fantastic and I am sure you will be great. I know how devastated you were when you lost your band, but in the long run (except for money, pain and suffering) you have learned the things that you will need to succeed with your sleeve and you don't have to start from the beginning of weight loss.
Thank you so much for updating us, we always wonder about those who have run into complications and have to revise. It doesn't matter so much what type of tool you use, just that you have the help you need. I know for myself that if I lost my band I would gain back all the weight because I cannot do it without a tool to assist me. Enjoy yours, you went through enough to get it!
God Bless, Sue
Thank you so much for updating us, we always wonder about those who have run into complications and have to revise. It doesn't matter so much what type of tool you use, just that you have the help you need. I know for myself that if I lost my band I would gain back all the weight because I cannot do it without a tool to assist me. Enjoy yours, you went through enough to get it!
God Bless, Sue
Highest weight: 212.8 Current weight 135 Lost 77.8 pounds
"So I am back to chaos. Going to Weigh****chers sporadically after being a true blue member for the past 3 years. I'm gaining no matter what I do. I can't find any peace, I am at war with myself. I see a diet doctor, I read my collection of "losing it and keeping it off" books, I do my 5mile walks in the park, on the streets, I ride my spinner in the morning. I'm so ******g embarrassed sooooooooooo devastatingly embarrassed. I can't get a hold of myself. I'm losing my "skinny life". Everyone can see me and I begin hiding. I miss my baby nieces 5th birthday, my nephews college graduation. I miss anything where I might see people who know me. I want to disappear."
This part made me cry. I don't think there is one person out there that hasn't experienced that devastation.
I am glad you are finding peace with yourself. I'm glad this revision is working for you and I'm sorry for the pain you went through. May it continue to go this well for you, as you definitely deserve some calm in your life now.
Donna
This part made me cry. I don't think there is one person out there that hasn't experienced that devastation.
I am glad you are finding peace with yourself. I'm glad this revision is working for you and I'm sorry for the pain you went through. May it continue to go this well for you, as you definitely deserve some calm in your life now.
Donna
"Accountability first to yourself, then nobody else matters"
I was glued to your story. I am so sorry you had to go through all you did. Your story has let me know there can be a "Plan B" if needed. I wasn't a spring chicken when I had mine done 5 months ago, so I don't even know if plan B would be an option for me. But, so far I love my band and no problems. I do know I can't do it alone because I failed at "will power" over and over. Thank you for sharing and please keep us informed.
Wow! I was riveted by your story. Thank you so much for sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings. I am so glad you finally decided to have your revision. If we could do it on our own, we never would have needed a surgery. You now are at peace and feel normal. What more could any of us ask for, really?? Bless you in the coming days.
One day at a time, and one meal at a time, and I WILL reach my goal!
Good for you! Congratulations! I would have done the revision in a milisecond, but I know everyone is different. The band is a foreign object, and can cause lots of unknown issues.. My surgeon told me he removes more bands than he puts in....
I had a band put in anyway, and I am a little disappointed with the slowness of the weight loss, but I'll hang in until something goes awry. Then I'll try the next best thing, because my goal is not to be fat anymore.....
Best of luck,
Mary
I had a band put in anyway, and I am a little disappointed with the slowness of the weight loss, but I'll hang in until something goes awry. Then I'll try the next best thing, because my goal is not to be fat anymore.....
Best of luck,
Mary
(deactivated member)
on 6/21/11 10:57 am - Califreakinfornia , CA
on 6/21/11 10:57 am - Califreakinfornia , CA
I'm so happy that you got the band out. Here's to a brighter tomorrow. 
I keep thinking I'm going to feel the left shoulder pain when I eat and I'm very cautious about whatever I eat. I keep feeling as if I'm going to feel pain any minute now, but it still hasn't happened.
I HAS A HAPPY.
Unfortunately for me I am starting to have the nerve pain in both shoulders and that may end up being permanent damage from the band.
I keep thinking I'm going to feel the left shoulder pain when I eat and I'm very cautious about whatever I eat. I keep feeling as if I'm going to feel pain any minute now, but it still hasn't happened.I HAS A HAPPY.
Unfortunately for me I am starting to have the nerve pain in both shoulders and that may end up being permanent damage from the band.
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