I wonder

I really feel badly when someone makes nasty comments about how they looked when fat. I kinda curl into myself because I dont want to be repulsed by myself...I wonder, do they say that about me when I walk away? When I walk away, do they say YUCK! or YIKES gross, etc?

I know I know. What someone else thinks of me is none of my business. 

I am actually my own worse critic.  Usually when I talk about my fat I am talking in the present tense.  First, I forget I'm not as fat as I used to be.  Next, when I look in the mirror I might as well be 354 lbs because that's what I see. 

 I understand that, Ive been thin and fat, I can relate completely. I just hate to see people abuse themselves, for simply being fat. 

Im struggling to find the words because this really has been hitting me hard.

Ok lets see: Most people who look at their before pictures and say terrible things about themselves would never say that to another person. Logically we know that. Thery arent cruel...usually only to themselves. So why, is it cruel to do to someone else but not to themselves? Its painful to watch sometimes.

Be nice to you, youve been through so much :(

Chrissy,

Between 2005 and 2006 I lost 130 pounds.  I was successful in keeping it off for a little while before beginning the regain.  From 2006 until my surgery on 3/29/11, I succeeded in gaining back everything but about 20 pounds of it. 

I have been a member of this board since 2005.  I remember the posts from people who said they were "never going back' and how they "hated their past fat selves".  Honestly, I never hated myself when I was at my heaviest, which was at one point or another close to 400 pounds.  That body is the one that gave birth to my two beautiful boys.  That is the body that I had when I was raising those beautiful boys, going to college when they were little to get my college degree.  It was the body I loved their father with, had relationships with friends and family with, and generally the body I lived in for almost 40 years.  I can't hate the person I was because then the past experiences would have little meaning.

I cared what people thought about me, we all do.  But the me that I am and that I was is the only ME that my friends and family knew.  To me I was most critical, to them I was just Donna.  As far as what strangers think, yeah, who cares.

We all just have to work on loving ourselves.  In the end that is all that matters.

 Crap, you're the third poster today to make me cry. Thats so beautiful.