My relationship or the surgery???

I say surgery.

If your boyfriend is that insecure, then you dont need him in your life to  bring you down.

My husband was 100% on board with my decision to get my band.  He attended the seminar with me and the preop testing, etc.  I wanted him to know what I was about to go through.  Then last summer things changed...   I left him for 3 months because of my weight loss and his insecurity...  he couldnt handle me transforming... I'm sure I've changed in more ways than just physically, but we needed to learn to change together.. and  with the help of therapy, were fine now and in the best place we've ever been, so I'm grateful.

Anyway - is he willing to go to seminars or a Dr appt with you to learn more about it??

If you think its only based on you losing, and he wants to keep you "overweight" for his own personal reasons, you need to cut your losses now..

I know its hard, and I'm sorry.   Good luck

The sentence that caught my attention is " He says I'm not considering his thoughts and feelings..."

We're talking about YOUR health here.  Living the rest of YOUR life as a normal-weight and healthy individual.  If you were a raging alcoholic and wanted to go into rehab but he didn't want you to (for whatever HIS personal reasons were), would he argue that you weren't considering his thoughts and feelings??  He sounds immature and selfish.

This is a no-brainer.  I would definitely have someone who supports me at my surgery (ie not the boyfriend).  And I would calmly tell your boyfriend that you ARE going to do this and if he can't be supportive then the least he can do is stay out of your way.  This is YOUR life, in the basest sense of the word.  Period.

I vote for surgery!  Without good health, feeling good about yourself you will not be able to be 100% with yourself.     Your boyfriend perhaps is worried he will lose you!    If we were able to do this naturally we would!!!  Choose what is best for you!!

Rock on Rainbow! My thoughts exactly.

I think you need to be strong and stand up for yourself. Dont ever let someone in our life not support you in something YOU want to do if it is going to improve your quality of life.

Thats just crazy. Time for him to put on his big boy panties..support you...and be your rock.

Dont drive yourself nuts over it. It is what it is. Call your girlfriend and enjoy this process.

Good luck.

Absolutely 100% the surgery.

"He says Im doing it to get attention."

I believe that a person who loves you will express their concerns then support and respect your decision.  IMO, this should not have to be a choice between your relationship with him and your surgery.  I see this as a choice between your commitment to yourself and your commitment to him.  

Your health and well-being are most important. As a Mom, you know that you need to be the best you that you can be before you can add value to another person. 

I would wonder what his investment is in you staying the same?  If he truly believes that you are having major surgery to get attention, that says more about him than it does about you.

I wish you the very best with your decision~!

Hmmmm ---- I don't know (personally) if I could live with someone who was not 100% on my side about completely changing my life.

Having WLS is a life-changing comittment --- for you. 

It is a changing issue for him as well --- your eating habits and exercise habits are going to change, your lifestyle is going to change, your need to put more time and effort into self-care is going to change.

You are going to need to take time for follow up appointments, support groups, etc.

If he is going to nag or complain every time you need to do something 'band related' -- or complain because you are eating differently, or make it difficult for you by bringing foods that are harmful to you into your home ----- I can't see you being successful longterm.

I really hope you and he will resolve this before you have your surgery.
You need to find out what he is afraid of.  There is a reason that he wants you to stay fat.

This is one of those times where you must put yourself first...If he isn't with you on this, then have someone else go with you to the hospital and stay with you after.  You may very well lose the relationship as you lose the weight, but you may also gain your self esteem and realize he isn't "all that" after all!

You say he says you aren't considering his feelings...REALLY?  Does he really need you to remain obese for his own sense of self worth?  He has some work to do!  As far as him saying that you can do this naturally...no you can't or else you would have.  Also it isn't naturally to go around starving all day feeling deprived and unworthy and guilty if you take a bite of something "unhealthy"...skinny people don't live like that!

Leave the boyfriend home, take someone else with you to the hospital and let him stew in his "thoughts and feelings" for a few days, while you recover and start your new life in peace.

Let us know how it goes...we'll be thinking of you.

Steph

this is a tough one...ultimately YOU have to decide what is best for you...he sounds very scared-of the surgery, of possible changes to come. Personally, I vote for the surgery, but that's just me.

I haven't had the surgery yet (going through all the steps first!), and my hubby teases me all the time about it. he's behind me in it, but i do realize that our relationship will change, and he realizes it as well. We both hope for all the good...we are both very active people, me getting the band and getting rid of weight will just allow me to be even MORE active with him and our children. I am so looking forward to that.

but again...what specifically are your bf's concerns?

betsey

It sounds like he is scared of you getting surgery. Was he with you when you had your RNY ?  I am not sure it is fear of change as you are not really overweight now so I can see his point that a sz 12 is not really large and he may wonder why you need the surgery since you are not really currently overweight.I understand that you are afraid of gaining your weight back though. It is something you two need to talk about if the relationship is going to work.  You will want to have someone who is onboard with you the day of your surgery.  Tell hi8m how afraid of gaining your weight back you are and how that would really change your relationship! You would not be as healthy and happy and would not feel as good about yourself.