My relationship or the surgery???

My boyfriend just expressed to me how much he is againt me having the surgery. I dont know if its out of concern or insecurity. He says Im not considering his thoughts and feelings but, is he considering mine.Im so sick of hearing how I can do this naturally. He is supposed to be there with me on the day of my surgery I dont think I want that negativity aro.und me right before I go under. Am I selfish for wanting to do this for me? My children are ok with it. This has me so frustrated. Am I going to loose weight and my relationship?

I say the surgery.  If your boyfriend love you, he will come around if he don't at least you will be healthy. Not having the surgery is not a guarantee that he will stay around.

When I had my surgery, my boyfriend was total against me having the surgery, according to him, I need to just eat less, blah blah blah.  He was suppose to be there for me and he was to a point, however because I did not trust him to not be there at the last minute, I had a girl friend fly in  to stay with me.  I had my surgery Feb 06....it did not last 6 months after that, but it was not because the surgery, I just got tired of the mess that I should not have been putting up with before.  Oh course he blame it on "the surgery", but I am happy and have a great guy in my life at this time.

Im having a band over bypass revision due to a dialated stoma, so Im never full. My weight gain is slow but its steadily rising. Im a size 12 and 5ft tall. I just dont want to wake up at 300lbs one day which is the direction im headed in. I cant talk to him about how nervous and scared and anxious I am because it will be used against me. This really has me stressed.

I have to say with my band, I have never had the sensation of being "full".  I can go 3+ hours without being hungry after eating 3oz of dense protein and  a 1/4 cup of a veggie. 

Have they said why your stoma is dilated? 

The dialated stoma could have been made that way during the rny procedure, also carbonated drinks or eating and drinking at the same time can cause the stoma to dialate. Its a huge reason why people have to have the rny revised.

Are you still using carbonated beverages and eating/drinking at the same time?

The band basically has those same rules --- so, if you are being non-compliant now, are you sure that the band is the right choice -- or do you need to work with a nut/psych to change your habits?

Does he say why he's against the WLS?   He may just not understand what is going to happen and change is stressful.  Could he go with you to talk with the surgeon on your next visit?  Could he go to a support group meeting with you? 

I think communication is very important between the two of you.

Without knowing more, it's hard to say if he's just concerned for you or if he's scared of how your relationship will change.

You are having this surgery to get healthier.  If he's not able to be supportive, could a friend take you?

Kristi

He refuses to listen to anything that I have to say about the surgery. He repeatedly tells me about someone who died because they gained the weight back after wls, which I believe is a total lie. Have you ever met someone who knows everything about something they have never experienced. Everything he says about the surgery is something he heard. I have a girlfriend thats going to take me but I dont know how to tell him because I initially asked him to come. He says Im doing it to get attention.

At this point in your life, you need to make it about you.  If you have tried to talk to him and he wont listen, it is his loss.

I agree with Kristi.  Perhaps he is nervous about change.  He said you're not considering his thoughts and feelings, but did he say WHY he is against the surgery?  What ARE his thoughts?  I think once the reason(s) are identified, it will be easier to figure out.

My bf originally said, "Why don't you just eat less?"  If only it were that easy.  But I explained the process to him and told him it was important that he be on board with this.  He told me if this is what I want to do, he'd be there every step of the way.  I could tell he was still cynical, but he has been there for me.  

I agree that having him go to a support group mtg or talking to the surgeon can only help.  He also needs to know that this is about YOU and not him.  And just like he needs to, you also need to tell him all the reasons why YOU want the surgery.  You need to do what's best for you, and ultimately, if he wants to be with you, he should come around.  And I also agree that if he doesn't come around, I would have someone else with me at the hospital. 

I'll be praying for you and your situation.
~ Barbara