Why do so many men choose not to part of their children's lives???

Oh I took him to court and had his wages garnished for child support.  He fought me every step of the way.  It took me two years of going to court before I finally won.  He actually tried to deny that she was his daughter and I had to haul my 13 year old into have DNA testing done.  The horrible thing was that she was 13 and she knew what was going on.  If she was 5 I could have told it was for something else.  Can you imagine your own father is making you take a DNA test because he is denying he is your father!!!  In the end I got $90 a week.  Which was something but I paid $175 a month for HER (not mine) health, dental and vision insurance alone.  So there goes almost half of the child support just for that.  I haven't even fed or clothed her yet.  He had the audacity once to tell my daughter when she was 15 that he paid for half of her expenses.  My daughter blew up at him and told him how ignorant he is for even saying that...and then went on to list all of things I have paid for or bought for her and then said "and you think your lousy $360 paid for even 10% of that"...I was silently cheering in my head when she said that...hahaha

It is bad enough that they should even have to be court ordered to pay it instead of just doing what is right...........but when they want to fight it???? And that was just a very cruel thing to do to your daughter to make her take a DNA test! Very tacky!!!

You know you hear ppl complain about old ppl in nursing homes and how terrible it is that their families don't come and see them. But when I hear those stories............I mostly assume there is a REASON their family doesn't come and see them. After all.........if you've never been there for your child's life...............or were a crappy parent............why should they visit them?!

So have comfort in the fact that he may eventually have a change of heart about her...........but by then it may be too late..........after all the rejection she had from him she may want nothing to do with him and he may end up a very lonley, sad, forgotten old man.

You on the other hand....................will always be remembered! :-)

I have a male co-worker who divorced when his kids were like 4 and 6 -- and he became an 'absent' dad.  Rarely saw them (probably paid court ordered child support) ---- allowed his ex-wife's second husband to adopt HIS kids.

I asked him about that one time --- he said that seeing the kids one night a week, and every other weekend was harder than not seeing them at all.

Every time he picked them up and dropped them off, he 're-lived' the divorce - and had to confront the fact that he was not a full-time dad ----- denial of all of that was easier if he just did not see them at all.

What a tragedy for all involved.
 

Those kids are grown now, and he has re-established a relationship with them (thank God) -- but what a loss to both him and the kids that he chose to let his own pain from the divorce eliminate him from his children's lives.

I am sad for your daughter -- even sad for her father.  It is not only his loss.

Your co-worker might be a nice guy but unfortunately he took the easy way out.  The reason I say this is because I was the one that got left and my ex remarried.  In the beginning he would come and pick up my daughter and I acted all cheery and nice.  But every time they drove off with my daughter like a happy little family I would cry.  It would have been easier for me to be *****y and refuse to let him see her and not deal with the sight of the three of them together.  But I delt with it because it was in my daughter's best interest have a father in her life.  As it turned out he only did this for a few months and then stopped.  I even called him and tried to make him see he was making a big mistake by ignoring my daughter.  I would invite him to her concerts and other school functions, but he didn't show up.  I think it was out of spite for me.  Of course I hear he blames me for his bad relationship with his daughter...whatever.   

Oh heck no, my co-worker is a self-centered jerk -- who completely took the easy way out.

He abandonded his children because it was hard for him -- -what a wimp.
It was his job to 'suck it up and be a father' ---- in no way to do I excuse his behavior.

He has since re-married and gone on to have additional children.

The only good thing I can say about him is that he found a way to ask his 2 adult children for forgiveness and re-establish a relationship wiht them  (I think that says more about THEM than it says about him).

I totally respect your devotion to your child -- and you not letting your own pain interfere with giving her the best that you could.

I don't have an answer as to why men choose this. But maybe my ex-husband can answer since he chooses to be an absent deadbeat. He was always in and out depending on what was convenient for him at the time. A few years ago he met a woman and moved to Texas. He's raising two step kids and he always complained about how their dad is a deadbeat POS. Cracks me up considering he is over $1500 behind again. At one point it was over $5000 behind. During that time he was making so much money that he owed $90,000 in federal taxes. He's self employed so he pays when he feels like it. He told our case worker he's been off sick. He owns 3 trucks. So even if he's not working he has two drivers that are. He also owns an auto body shop. He brags about making $12,000 to $15,000 a week. And he's got it all in someone elses name so I can't take him for more support. But the worst part of it all is that he never calls our son who is now 16. He's called once since Decemberand he was an ass to my son then. I don't talk bad about him to our son. What happened is between the two of us. But my son is old enough to see things for what they are and he's making up his own mind about his "father".