Socializing

 I find that I sometimes have a hard time socializing with skinny people. I am three years out and 150lbs lighter and I guess I could be considered 'normal' size... but I still approach social situations carefully.

My husband pointed out that I don't open up very quickly and kind of stay back a bit before getting really friendly. Maybe that's just who I am... but I feel like that's the fat girl in me on defense. When I was fat I learned to appreciate people who genuinely loved me and to toss aside the people who would judge me for my weight. I think I still do that now... I step into social situations carefully without even realizing it.

Anybody else notice this?

Hi Elena,
Yes I have noticed this pattern.  I've never had a hard time socializing even in my larger state but I was cautious.  Now I'm not the biggest or the smallest so as yet have not found my spot in groups, just blending.  Sad to say I really don't like that position.  However what will be will be.  Don't plan to be the smallest or the biggest so guess I'll work on being the best of me.
Take care.  I remember when you first came to the boards.  You r looking well.  I'm still working at it.  B safe.
Z

I think the hardest part of us to change is in our minds.  Losing on the scale doesn't change our mindset.  I haven't lost as much as you, and I'm not at the same place in my journey, but even now, I have trouble grasping the fact that I'm not that really fat girl in the room.

I was in the elevator on my way up to my gym, and there was another woman in the elevator with me.  She asked me, "Are you going to the Zumba class?"  I thought to myself, "I'm too fat to do Zumba.  Why would she even ask me that?"  Then it occurred to me, I don't weigh 333lbs anymore.  This woman just saw me as another member of the gym.  It was very eye-opening for me.

Being overweight, we've always worn this coat of armor to shield us from those harsh comments we've heard all our lives (at least I have).  Just be who you are - and be proud of it.  You deserve it!!!

Have a great day!
~ Barbara

You took an elevator up to the gym?  It just sounds funny to me.  LOL

It's ironic, isn't it?  They have the stairs blocked off and we all have to use the elevator - lol.

Hi! I'm kinda new to all of this, and this topic is one of the biggest concerns that I have going into WLS, the Lapband specifically. I am 300 lbs right now, and I have great self esteem. I went to the beach this summer and wore a bathing suit, no problem. I don't beat myself up about how I look. I don't hate myself or how I look (probably would be thinner if I did). I have a right to enjoy myself on the beach, I look the way I look, period. But I'm not sure how I'm going to want to socialize after the band. I don't like when people make comments about what I'm eating or the amount I'm eating. So many social events include food. Even when they don't, so many people that I know who are skinny are soooo concerned about appearances and superficial things. It's great to have this topic addressed!

Elena,

I'm a lot more outgoing now. In social situations, I used to do my best to keep a low profile (despite the large size of my profile). But basically I'm a shy person and always have been. That's just me. So maybe your social behavior is a combination of the social strategy you used as a fat girl and your own natural tendency to take it slow when meeting new people.

Jean

I have similar issues with socializing. I find myself talking about dieting all the time. The thin people around me look at me odd like I must be obsessed and I think the overweight people think I am trying to tell them they are fat. I walk away from so many conversations feeling stupid that I talked about how to eat the whole time. I think its the fat girl still in me that worried people are watching what I eat and judging me. I know they're not. In fact recently I told a newer friend about my lapband because I just kept talking about dieting, she said "why would YOU need a lapband"? It was a compliment but it felt weird that the people I now know have no idea of my weight struggles.

I also have a hard time socializing with skinny people.  I expect them to judge me based on my size.  Fortunately, the majority of the people I meet do not, but those few who do REALLY made an impression.  I have to make an effort to not assume that a skinny person thinks less of me due to my weight.  Usually, I have found out that the people who do not judge have other friends or family members who have battled obesity.

I am the same way!
Haven't been on for a long time...you look awesome!!!!