Just Wondering...

While I am so excited about going to my information seminar next week, my husband is less so. I can't quite grasp what his concern or issue is. I've tried to explain to him about my insulin resistance and sleep apnea and how it's been a long bumpy road for me, and he knows how I struggle, yet I feel like there is an invisible road block. He will make comments like, "Well, I guess we can't go out to eat anymore." or "How are you going to manage the post op diet?" I am well aware of what a long journey this is going to be for me. He is a type 2 Diabetic and has lost a ton of weight through diet. He thinks that is what I should do. It's not that easy for me. He doesn't understand that with insulin resistance I could look at a picture of a pizza and gain weight.

Also with the sleep apnea will I have to under go another sleep study test before and or after my surgery?

Thanks

COMMENT ONE:  "Well, I guess we can't go out to eat anymore."
ANSWER ONE: Why can't we?

COMMENT TWO: "How are you going to manage the post op diet?" 
ANSWER TWO: A day at time.

If eating less/diets worked for everyone, with continued success and on regain, we wouldn't NEED weight loss surgery. Unfortunately, most diets eventually fail. I know that all of MY diets did (or I failed them . . .)

My husband was the same. Men don't understand that it's harder for women to loose weight due to hormones and things of that nature. Many men can change one or two things and drop weight fast (some have just as hard a time as we have). But what I did was put my blinders on to stay focused on my goal. I pretty much did everything without his support, pre-op appts, seminars...everything. I personally liked it better that way. I did my research, decided the band was best for me and just did what I had to do. Your husband will slowly start warming up to it after he sees your effort and seriousness. I think he just needs time to get used to the idea. I say get the ball rolling, he'll catch up eventually.

Sounds like he has some anxiety about the change you are proposing.

Even positive change can be stressful.

I think that is it important that you clearly communicate that this is something the YOU have to do for YOU.  That you want his support --- and that you wished that the program he followed worked for you -- but it did not.

His comments sound a little bit like judgement to me -- that he is scared you will be changing HIS life along with yours --- and to some extent, you will be. 

As far as his immediate concerns, my husband and I still eat out (alot) -- I am just a much cheaper date these days ---- my leftovers last for 3 more meals usually!  And I don't drink nearly as much.

The first time I was referred for WLS (back in 2007) my husband was very much against it.  He said alot of the same things yours did and never seem to understand.  Being military they aren't really allowed to gain too much weight and they work out daily so weight is not an issue for him, & he didnt understand.  Since then I have tried many times on my own but I just can't seem to stick with it for long, thats what I need the LapBand for.  Last year a wife of one of the guys from his ship had lapband surgery a few months before the ship went underway.  When they got back 9 months after surgery she had lost a ton of weight and looked amazing.  Thats when he started telling me to look into again and said he would be 100% supportive this time around.  I dont know why some guys are like that, hopefully he will come around soon and support you thru this.

 My friend and i went to an info seminar. We sent our husbands to another one separately. We each had our privacy to ask questions. Your life will  change because of the choices you will choose to make. You are right it is a journey . What most people do not understand that it is a tool not the magic pill. Everyone is different and is there bodies. Let him get educated.
I had been diagnosed with sleep apnea and because It was 1 year i had to have another one.
Hope you make the right decision for you.
Good luck
wendy

Show your husband this thread once you have several positive posts..

"Well, I guess we can't go out to eat anymore." Yes you can...my first meal out was only 2 weeks post op and I did fine.  Depending on your doctor's post op dietary instructions, you will be able to also.  I order an appetizer, like steak bites or something else high protein or my husband and I share with me eating about 1/5 of the average portion served in restaurants...2-3 oz of meat, some veggies and maybe some salad...we spend HALF  what we used to and his date weighs 63 lbs less!

"How are you going to manage the post op diet?"  The same way he manages his no op diet, by planning your meals and snacks and buying only those things you should be eating...and with your husband's love and support!  My husband has always been normal weight and athletic.  He is still sympathetic to my issues and is so helpful.  That is what love is.  We've been married 44 years and when we met I was 112 lb 14 yr old...he married a 115 lb 17 yr old.  Things change, love doesn't.

Since my surgery, my am glucose has not been over 100.  My sleep apnea is resolved and I am down from a size 24-26 to a 16-18.  You can do this with or without his support...it would just be a whole lot easier with someone encouraging you rather than discouraging you.

Good luck!

EXCELLENT post, Steph! 

To the original poster, a major common issue for WLS spouses is the fear that their significant other will lose weight, look/feel better, and stray elsewhere for new "skinny girl" attention.  I think this fear itself is normal, but how the men handle it tends to lean on the unreasonable side at times.  Some even tend to completely ignore their spouse's obvious drastic weight loss and fail to compliment them in fear that they will "get too confident" and cheat (when in fact, the opposite would be true!). Just reinforce how madly in love you are with him to this very day and how much more fun you will have together once you are healthy - even if you don't eat out as much.  You can do fun physical activities, cook new interesting meals together at home, have sex (yeah, I said it!), etc.  It will be mutually beneficial!  

Good luck. I have a feeling he will come around!  *HUGS* 

You are so right!  This is a common thread in the WLS community.  Sometimes counseling is needed to support the marriage through this enormous change.  My husband was guilty of this earlier in our marriage and we were on the threshhold of divorce at the 29 year mark.  I had lost a lot of weight (about 80 lbs) and he was really insecure.  When we went to counseling, it came out that he liked me fat because it made me less attractive to other men!  I was so angry, I can't even express how angry I was...but when I thought about it, it mad sense.  He was always feeding me! LOL.  Now that I'm 61 and we've been married for 44 years, I guess that isn't such a threat!