Lack of Self Control...a work in progress

I am certainly not over my food addiction (my drug of choice is sugar) and I just started  working with a psychologist to get control over it, especially when I am depressed. I have been diabetic for 12 years, so sugar has been my love-hate addiction for a long long time.  One strategy that has worked well for me for long stretches at a time is to reward myself with whatever goody I want on Sunday. If I have not been 100% good from Monday to Saturday, no treat. My problem with this strategy is that if I can't do it 100%, I throw in the towel & give up completely.  There is no starting again for the following Sunday. However, this usually works for me for several months before I give up. It just doesn't work when I am depressed.  I finally realized that I really need to get to the bottom of my eating issues if anything will work long term.

I know that this spiral is directly connected to my stress right now. Hubby is 73 days away from graduation.  We are trying to get lending to buy a house. We're moving back to Portland no matter what in 90 days. When I get back I'm starting in a new position at my same company and non of my coworkers know it.  This crap is stressing me out.

So, Tiff --- do you want 'permission' to spend the next 90 days out of control?  --- Not trying to be snarky ---- it is certainly an option to set a 'deadine' for this behavior --- and plan to do whatever gets you through.

Or, you can decide to work on self-control during all of the chaos going on in your life.

I have sugar issues --- and cannot eat even the sugar-free stuff -- because it triggers me to be out of control.

I hate that feeling more than I love the food (once I get away from it).

When I find 'the thoughts' creeping into my brain, I go back to the first 3 steps of OA
1.  I admit that I am powerless over certain foods and that my life is becoming unmanagable (it its current state)
2.  Came to believe that a power greater than I could restore me to sanity (that power can be anything you choose -- this group, for example)
3.  Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to my higher power (as I understand him)

I made a list of the foods that trigger me to be out of control ---- and then I pray ---- I pray for strength and clarity --- for willingness to walk away from those foods and those feelings.

I think of things that I can do besides eat --- and I draw strength from getting the food out of my environment -- and out of my body.

I don't know if any of that might help ---- or if it helps you to know that I am praying for you, and cheering for you --- and believing in you!!!!

I was certainly not asking for permission. Just coming to vent and be accountable to myself and others. I think it helps other to know that we all share these crazy food issues.

In fact, I've got a plan in place. The bad foods are out of the house mainly cause I ate the last of them... OOPS!   I invested in some more crystal lite, Wasa, red peppers and what not. My knee is recovered from the injury sustained during INSANITY and I've got a hot date with hubby to start up the exercise with Shaun T again. I am going to try not to hurt myself this time. I've got a 5k in April and I have to be in working condition.

Thanks for cheering me on.

Great post Kath.  I plan to take it to heart and start practicing.

Wow Tiff, you have a lot going on!  Early congrats on your hubby's graduation; I hope your house hunt and job move goes smoothly.

Trixie

Tiff - it will all fall into place.  

Not that the here and now make it any easier...  just know that in the end, it'll work out and thats what matters.

Congrats to the hubbs.

Tiff, this happens to us all!! I don't believe anyone who says that they have not done this - well, no-one who has been banded any length of time anyway! But let's actually look at this....

you ate something that took FOUR BITES??? How much would you have eaten three years ago?

How about setting the move to Portland in 90 days as a goal. Sort of - I am going to start the next stage of my life in control and at least one dress size smaller than i am now!

Kate

SHIIIITTTT....... 3 years ago, that brownie pan wouldn't have made it to the oven. I can't tell you how many bowls of brownie batter I have eaten in secret.  I'm telling you what. If I could have hypnotherapy on top of psychotherapy on top of my band. I might have a fighting chance at this.

Until then, I'll just keep trying to do my part. By that I mean I will start it up again. Get to the pool and keep working at my cardio via walking, jogging and Insanity. I set my deadline. It was yesterday!

Tiff:

(((HUGS))) I totally get it! Let's face it; My name is Pam and I'm addicted to Peanut M&M's. I justify it in my brain that there is 5 grams of protein in a bag. There are peanuts in there, therefore, they are not bad for me! WRONG! It has been an ongoing battle! And unfortunately it isn't one that just goes away. I've found lately when keeping my food journal I will write what the emotion I'm feeling is when I reached for the M&M's. It is helping me to concentrate on what is going on around me and connecting the emotion to the eating. This way I'm in tune with my triggers! And getting the stuff out of the house helps!

Of course it isn't as easy at the store. Last night I had to be mean to myself in my head when I was in the checkout line telling myself all the reasons I couldn't turn around and grab that beautiful yellow little bag of peanut M&M's!

You've been so strong thru this journey and I have no doubt that you will make it thru to the other side. You and Jeremy are about the embark on an adventure like no other! Congrats to you both & hurray for moving back to Portland and back to your job! Everything has a way of working itself out!

And congrats on the second 5K & trying Insanity again! You can do it! Keep remembering the woman who climbed those mountains and trails and snowshoed! Find her determination again! She's in there!

Jillian Michaels said something last night that stuck with me: Your destiny is there, its just waiting for you to find it! Go get it woman!

Much love!
Pam