Gained 10 pounds------Boyfriend Likes Weight Gain--HELP

To make a long story short...

I have a bf who I ADORE a whole hell of a lot and I got down to 150. Now our relationship is AWESOME! It is so good I have to pinch myself. With this new awesome love in my life I have gained 10 pounds and he likes it! He grabs me in my "trouble" areas and makes a grunting sound like he "HAS TO HAVE IT NOW" and kisses me.

He always tells me don't lose any more weight..but I am NOT happy with this size...I am NOT happy with the weight I am...with what I look like in the mirror. I want to lose 30 more pounds to be at 130.

I am not sure if I can lose 30 more pounds...I feel confused and I am not sure why.

find a weight that you feel good at, that you feel comfortable at... MOSTLY be realistic about what you see in the mirror... look at what you see and don't compare yourself to anyone else...

AND don't do anything regarding weightloss for anyone but yourself... FOR YOU... he will like you  with 20 more lbs and he will like you with 20 less... IF HE IS THE RIGHT GUY!

AND there is nothing rong with 160... if you feel good.... remember that!

goodluck... i know all to well what it is to be confused. just put your thoughts in order... put yourself and your needs first and you will figure it all out

 Hi there,

You need to be happy with yourself *first*, and trust that he will continue to love you at any weight.  I've been married to the same man for 30 years, and he's loved me fat and thin.  

Maybe he's just a tad worried that other men notice you when you're thinner?  If that's the case, give him lots of reassurance that you love *him*.  

Besides that, I'd recommend that you don't focus too much on the number on the scale.  Sometimes we pick a number based on some weight chart, what someone else weighs, or on a weight from our own past.  But that may not really be the best weight for you (now).  If *you* are not happy with this 10 lb. regain, make the effort to get that off, and then think hard about whether another 20 lbs. would really make you happier.  

Tami

I've been with my husband for 6 years and he fell in love with me at 368, still loved me 240, and, despite my disbelief, still STILL loves me at 280. When I am unhappy with me I think "He must think I look gross" that means "I feel like I look gross" When I am in a funk I think "How could he possibly find you sexy, have you looked in a mirror lately?" I know it is all about me because he has been with me through thick and thin (mostly thick). A relationship is hard without throwing weight gain and loss into the mix. Time and talk can help clear many things up between you two, you don't want t let anything get out of hand when it certainly doesn't need to. Base what you know about him on how long you have been together and talk to him honestly about how you feel. Stay calm and hear him as well. 

We all spent a long time struggling with our weight and may sometimes feel that we must get down to a magic number. I believe that if we are happy with what we see in the mirror, happy with our health, and at a normal range BMI then *pppffft* to the scale. Heck, some of us just want to finally be at a regular obese rating, some have lost too much weight and had to build back up. This is just my personal philiosophy. I am not saying give up on your goal of 130 but don't miss the journey in between and you might be surprised at what you find.

Thank you! I know I need to like myself first and I am getting there. I have friends that say I am too thin...but where were they when I was too fat?

I guess I just really need to do some weight soul searching here...

This is about YOU..not him. How tall are you? What size are you now? I would hate for you to have this mind set that you are still big..when you are actually at a healthy weight. What goal weight did your Doctor give you? -Nik

I now weigh 160 and I am 5"4 I want to be 130 but am afraid I will look too thin. My doctor said I should be at 115-120 for my hieght but I believe that is WAY TOO thin.

 In my opinion, your doc is way off base.  At 5'4", 130 lbs. is 22 on the BMI scale, which is in the middle of "normal".  If you can get there, pat yourself on the back!  One thing to keep in mind is that some studies have shown that people who have carried extra weight have denser bones, which weigh more.  You also have extra skin, and even more blood vessels!  So, there are factors to consider other than the BMI scale.  It's really a very individual and personal decision. 

Tami

I am 5'5" and I am between 148-152 and I feel good at this weight. Last year I tried to get to 120 lbs. and succeeded but my health suffered and I almost damaged my band. My surgeon also told me that my body would stop losing when it got to a place it was comfortable with and it did, I just tried to fight it but it won!!