Lack of Support from Fiance

Has anyone had to deal with someone (such as a significant other) not being supportive of the choice to go through with the surgery? My fiance is not at all supportive and has almost made me feel bad for my choice to go through with getting the Lap Band. He is only 21 (I'm 23), but I'd really like to know if anyone else had to deal with this kind of issue, and how they did it.

(Don't worry - my entire family has been extremely supportive about the surgery and have been telling me how much better I look every day, so I do have support!)

so, his is what happened to me... my husband was very supportive, and still is, but what would happen is in the beginning everytime i lost weight, hed congradulate me then say how misreable he was(he's a horrible food addict). So after the third or forth time, i told him..enough!!! You are not taking this away from me...you either join me and loose weight yourself, or get as big as ahuse and shut it!!....ps...i had surgery june 14th 2010.. Today i hit 100 pounds!!!.. my husband??? hes down 75 and we are now the "skinny couple"....... to sum it up???? you made a decision to change your life. No one knows how hard it is to go through this whole process, they think its all easy and it is NOT!!!...but the reward is well worth it. I went from 267 size 26/28 to 167 size 10 ..and i cant even begin to tell you how it feels..... so go to who you have support from when you need it, but remember.. this is for you and only you... so go foward and kick butt!!!!!!! good luck

For a lot of significant others, when their partner decides to lose weight and work on themselves, it brings up insecurities. 

Reassuring your partner that your feelings won't change for him is about all you CAN do. 

Sometimes the unsupportiveness can be because the person really doesn't feel that weight issues are anything but a lack of will power.  Not too much you can do to change his way of thinking, if that's the case.

Then there is always the possibility that your guy just prefers and is attracted to heavier women. 

Hopefully, you can have a heart to heart talk and get to the heart of the issue and work it out. 

Im sorry he is being that way, because he shouldnt. Maybe its just his insecurites showing through... afraid you will change ( and you may a little) and he will loose you. Just keep assuring him that it for your health so you will be around longer to be with him. If he dont change I really dont know if I could personally be with something to make me feel guilty oversomething that good for me. Maybe you should recheck your relationship if it continues. Good Luck

Yes! I have only 2 supportive people about my surgery my aunt and my friend from work. My mom actually begged me not to get the surgery and that she would pay me cash money if i didnt. BUT that just pushed me to do it even more. if you know in you heart that this is the right decision for you for your life then take it and run. Because really they are just jealous because they dont have the guts to make the same choice for themselves.

 
If you think about it you really don't need his support.  If he doesn't like WLS he doesn't need to get a surgery type. ;o)

This is your body and your choice.

My husband wasn't thrilled with the idea of WLS, but he told me it was my decision and he'd support me as much as he could. And he has.

At one of my support group meetings, a pre-op woman brought her husband along so he could hear all the discussion and ask any questions he wanted. I think that's great, because getting your significant other involved in your journey should de-mystify it and help him get more comfortable with it. But when the open Q&A period came, this husband began ranting about what a bad idea it was for his wife to lose weight because she'd be fighting off all the men, etc. etc., and he got himself so upset, he stomped out of the meeting room. Obviously, he had strong undercurrenst of jealousy and insecurity going on.

And as Mellie said, maybe your guy prefers heavier women. My husband always dated heavier women and he loved me and thought I was sexy when I was obese, just the way I was. Fortunately he's gotten used to the new me.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with your fiance's lack of support, but it's probably better to go through this kind of relationship test before you're married rather than after. I've been married for 24 years and our relationship has been tested by things far more serious and complicated than bariatric surgery. I'm glad to report that our relationship has withstood those tests (and the test of time). If your relationship with your fiance can't withstand today's test, how is it going to withstand tomorrow's?

Jean

I agree with Jean about it being better to go through this type of relationship test BEFORE a marriage.

Glad u have the support of other family. Don't forget about the WLS support groups. It's nice to bond with some of the wonderful OH'ers, but it is awesome meeting other WLS'er in person.