ASHAMED

HI EVERYONE.
This is going to be so hard for me to say.
here it goes................. I had the band done 1 year and 1 month ago. 
After surgery something happened.. i went through a horrible depression and became scared that i started to lose weight. I know to many this may sound odd. I started canceling all my fill apt because i was embarrassed.to say i was so unhappy
I  starting going to therapy and really working on my emotions and came to the conclusion that a year ago and one month may not have been my time to start my journey.
So I'm asking any advice I'm ready for a fill and start the process but have not seen or even heard (dont they call )from my Dr

. Dr pohl did my surgery.I no they see tons of patients daily. I am just so embarrassed that i had surgery and i have no positive results.
 
struggling Erin 

Dear Erin, You have done a very brave thing coming here and the rest is going to be easier than this-Call Monday and make an appointment-you dont have to explain anything to anyone except the person who does your fill-Fear is an amazing thing and you have conquered so much-We are here to support you-Good Luck my dear and we are here for you!

I'm sorry you have been struggling with this for such a long time on your own. Shame is so paralyzing and can do such a number on  us. Good for you for putting yourself out there now. Gotta get out of your own head. It's a bad neighborhood and you only get mugged in there!

This surgery was a physical thing but the major part of this journey lies in our heads. What being overwiehgt means to us, why we are fat, how it hurts but also helps us ( feeling safer related to being invisible to others, etc..) are all questons they don't go nearly far enough in examining with us BEFORE we have this surgery. Rather than haing yourself for not getting fills for the last 13 months, try to think of the factn that the surgery was the step that got you prepared to think about the issues you may not have been bale to if you had not taken this step. Brilliant of you to go to therapy and examine it.

So rather than join you in beating up on you, I want you to give yourself some credit. Our journeys start in all kinds of places and this was your starting point. Good for you. be real with your surgeon and acknowledge what you were sacred of and then work with them to start when you are ready. Some docs are really good with this ( the APRN in my docs office is just great) and others are more comfortable dealing wirth the surgery but not the process afterwards. Hope you offcie is good to you and help you recognize that this is just part of your own process. Good luck to you Erin. 

Most doctors offices will not call you. They are too busy in this day and age with ins.,scheduling, etc. You have to be your own advocate. You need to quit beating yourself up mentally. Just do what you can handle one day at a time. The doctor works for you, that's what they get paid to do. So why are you embarrassed? You weren't ready a year ago to go forward, so what?, now you are. Trust me they will be very cordial and glad to see you. So sorry about your depression, it can be so devastating to go through that. Best of luck to you.

 Erin:

You have NOTHING to be embarrassed about! We all struggle - even some of us who are SEVEN years out.

Here's my post from a week ago:

www.obesityhelp.com/forums/lapband/4317746/MY-CONFESSION-Im- struggling/#35593617

Hon you have nothing to be ashamed of! You were just not ready mentally for the changes that come, trust me I've read others here that were in the position you are. The main thing is you are working on the mental part and are ready to start the journey. If  the doc asks just be honest with him and tell him it was more than you had expected, but now you are ready to hit the road running. Keep coming here for support and take it one dy at a time. Let the past go and work on tomorrow!

Don't be embarrassed. Hope the couneling is going well. If you are up to it start going back for fills. If you have any anxiety over the fills or the weight loss make sure you discuss it with your councelor.

Also I would suggest that you go to the support group meetings. It can help to chat face to face with other WLS'ers.

Good luck Erin!