old habit surfaced

Had my first real emotional crazed food battle and the food won.   Don't know exactly why.
I have to back up a bit I think and I will probably be rambling here so forgive me.  Had a good morning yesterday going to a craft class I really enjoy with some friends.  While I was there and all the way home I noticed my body was aching really bad.  I have fibromyalgia and fortunately I am not in pain all the time like some are.  I have flare-ups.  Not being able to blame my physical pain on anything else, I realized it must be a flare-up.   My mood went downhill with it.  I was not myself last night mood wise.   Got up this morning and thought I felt somewhat better.  I felt tired and unmotivated to do anything this morning.  Got up at 9 and sat around watching tv till noon.  Decided I would go take my shower and go grocery shopping so at least I would do something productive today.   While shopping I realized my mind was going amuk.  I wanted things that I knew were not on my food plan.  I started scanning the isles for something "good".  I didn't want to go home and eat my usual tiny bit of healthy food.  I spent way too long in the frozen entree isle looking for something that would taste "good" but not be too bad for me.  Everything was crying out to me and I was listening.  I ended up with a chinese frozen meal.  Way too many calories and had white rice with it that I have not had in a long long time.  I came home, popped it in the micro and devoured it.   I'm trying to not feel real guilty or bad about myself for giving in cause that only makes me feel worse.  I guess I am in shock that I felt so out of control and crazed.  I am also amazed that my pouch accepted all that food and the rice with no problem.
I hate that feeling of being out of control.  My nerves are on edge.  I have an appt with my therapist tomorrow and I don't want to go cause she gave me a couple "things" to do and I didn't follow through and I'm afraid to tell her.  The things she gave me to do are difficult things for me and I froze up.  I also have a couple other things on my mind that might be bothering me more than I think too.  Now I am rambling for sure.  I guess I am just trying to talk out loud my thoughts and feelings and you all are hearing it.  
I shouldn't be surprised by this old behavior of food is going to make me feel better thing.  We all can relate to it.  Guess I just hate that I gave in and hope it doesn't continue.  Confession is good for the soul they say so I have confessed to my weakness and now I have to pick myself up and go on.   That's what I'll try to do.  Thanks for listening.

Lyn.

you're human-- forget it and carry on- you can do this- but you can't be perfect --so what?
Pulling for you, Michelle

Hey Lyn --- time to FIDO -- Forget It, Drive On!!

Double up on your water to counteract the sodium from the frozen food if you can.

As far as the therapist goes --- I say 'Go anyway!!" -- even if you don't want to --- just fess up there, admit that you did not complete your full assignment --- explain that it is hard and ask for help --maybe parsing the work into smaller elements that are not so hard.

We are all weak -- and we all need times to let our guard down --- strength is in picking back up tomorrow and moving forward.  Try to get a good night's sleep (do you think a warm bath with a good book and some hot tea would help???)

Be gentle with yourself!

 I like FIDO
I say flush and go. 
we all have set backs, 
It's when we don't stop think and breathe is when we have to worry. Sounds like your have 
wendy

Lyn,

I think everybody that is trying to lose weight and or have WLS goes through this.  I bet every single person has had one of them days you just have to move on and dont dwell on it or it will make it worse .

I had one of them days myself I dont know what happened.  I wasnt hungry, but I had the munchies something terriable today.

I  am usually really good with head hunger and talk myself out of it but today nope it didnt  happen.

 I had two bowls of chips today something I havent had since Oct and then chocoloate on top of it and carbs I went way over my 50 today.

It was just one of them days.  LIke you my healthy food just did not taste any good today and that is not what I wanted .

Tomorrow is a new day back on track, drink some extra water and do my hr zumba tomorrow.  and most important stay off the scales for a few days cause of the extra sodium that was taken in .

Dont get upset , dont get depressed everybody does it and to be honest with you Lyn this wont be the last time it happens .

I am PMSing and my step daughter made a red velvet cake the other night with cream cheese icing..  Yes it called to me last night and I answered.  ughhhhhhhhhhhh.. I had a little sliver of it.   I have to move on also.   Its going to happen.