Hello Everyone. Gone for awhile - have much to share.... but

WOW! Thanks everyone. I thought for sure that waking up today I'd see at least one if not two negative responses to this post. So to those that refrained & to those that left encouraging ones - THANK YOU!

Not really sure to where to start about my band journey. I have a lot experiences to share. But I guess my biggest one is that verbally I'm not usually very nice to my band when asked about it. I have yet to suggest the band as a WLS tool to anyone that asks me. I believe it takes a incredible large commitment to this band. It's time consuming. Physically, emotionally, financially, & spiritually. I can't tell if someone has that in them or not & I'm not going to assume they'll understand when I tell them that either so I just don't speak the phrase, "Oh you should get the band!" So why did I get the band then if I feel so harsh about it. Well, I chose the band because I knew this from doing all kinds of research. But I knew for me personally I knew that to make my band work accordingly I'd have to take all this energy that I poured into my addiction of food & make my band my new addiction. My band is not my friend. It's not my buddy. There's a lot of days I really don't like it. That's because it stops me from eating like I use to. Oh, and I try. Lord how I try. With all my health issues stressing me & food addiction being something I had for the majority of my life, I developed what's commonly referred to as the "Dagwood Syndrome". Eating mass amounts of food in my sleep. And you know what? My band didn't stop it. It stopped the majority of the food TO GO THROUGH IT, but it did it's real job of just let it pile up in my esophagus till I had dilated it. One time we measured & I had what the doctor said was two months of food. It was so high that it gave me asthma like symptoms 24 hrs a day. I can not explain throughly how embarrassing it is to tell other people & your general practitioner (who diagnosised you w/the asthma) that you don't have asthma but ate & then packed two months worth of food in your esophagus because you have an addiction to food. My food addiction despite having weight loss surgery clearly at that point was letting me know it was never, repeat N E V E R, going away. So I stay in therapy so that I stay unstressed, so that I stop having Dagwood syndrome attacks. Or at least keep the amount of times I have them down as much as possible. Because honestly a lot of times it's not messy afterwards & I have no idea I did it other then I feel so full I literally can't eat regularly for days at a time.

There are days where my band acts like a spoiled rotten 3 yr old. I may be able to have ground hamburger today, but don't I dare think I can tomorrow. Since surgery I've had maybe a total of 16 bites of any type of steak. My band hates meats. And when it throws a fit about meat, my band & I start going around hating on each other. I haven't been able to eat bread w/o pain since being banded. Not even toast. But I'll be damn if I can't have the occasional French toast, especially on Mother's Day for my breakfast made w/the help of the child I wasn't suppose to be able not only to bare but be alive to see grow. SO I eat it slowly... & then sit for about an hour or two with my arms up over my body in pain as I try to digest something I know better then to eat. Yeah well F(&$#K YOU BAND... I'm eating that French toast.

So banding... being banded, living banded & all that comes with it good or bad isn't easy as what that pretty brochure at the doctor's office visualizes & paragraphs it to be. But I know, in deep honesty, that without this tool I'd be a failure to other weight loss surgeries that were available to me at that time. And if I was gonna fight for my life from this food addiction, I wanted something that was gonna remind me to fight it & the addiction. So I guess that's why I've been successful w/my band.

I also want to admit & address that at my lowest weight, that while I really enjoyed it for over a year (almost 2) the tiny cute clothes, the tiny cute comments, the tiny cute feeling.... looking at pictures from then, IN MY HEAD, made me look like someone unhealthy & running from issues w/food. So I had a slight unfill & gained weight to where I felt comfortable in my skin, with the amount of food on my plate, with my eating habits, in pictures, in life & that's where I've been since then. Life shouldn't be about numbers. Numbers on scales, numbers on clothes, numbers numbers numbers..... NO MORE NUMBERS. Life to me, after all I've been thru is about being comfortable with me. Now I have days I'll hug my band (visualized in my head, hahaha) & days I about to chuck that damn thing out the window. It's a love hate relationship but I wouldn't have it any other way.

thanks for posting I share a lot of your feelings, in as much as on some days I love my band and other days wish I had never had the surgery. I love the way I now look and feel much more healthier, but its not easy to live this journey with the band. Thanks for your inspirational story, you are one of a kind, and anyone lucky enough to know you must surely love you. YOU ROCK !!!! 

Got to love ya Jo!  There is nothing like a warrior's heart.  You my dear win no matter what!!!  

xoxo,
Leila

Wow what a inspirational post.  I'm so happy that you have over came the obstacles that came into your life.
Thanks for sharing you story. I totally agree we need compassion and support here on the board.  It's so sad that we have a few negative people that are so unhappy with their lives that they want to drag everyone else down with them.   It's better to just hit the block button.
I love my band and try my best to respect it as much as I can. 
Hope you come around more often. 

I have to say that if your the type of person that easily or moderately internalizes your choices over and over - DO NOT GET THE BAND. If your the type of person that has a hard time getting over regret & you have to "work" on forgiveness - DO NOT GET THE BAND. If for any reason, you read that cute brochure in the surgeon's office, uplifting nothing can go wrong articles, blogs or posts about the band. If you've read so much information that you are saying to yourself, "Wow. I can do the band NO PROBLEM! This is gonna be so easy!!" - DO NOT GET THE BAND.

The band is none of those. And if that's what you believe the band to be not only are you NOT ready to have a band but you are not ready to have ANY TYPE OF Weight Loss Surgery! You need to be realistic of your choices. You need to research each surgery to include options that have gone wrong with patients in your surgeon's group, failure's in your area, revisions w/your surgeon & the number of revisions in your area as well. You absolutely can NOT think any surgery is 'easy' or that you got this or that 'covered' should anything go wrong... or right.

I'm being serious here folks.

All I can say is, WOW. In all the five plus years I have been on this forum, this is the most honest post I have ever read.  No agenda, no axes or people to grind, Just pure unadulterated  honesty.  Please post more often.  This forum really needs you. 

Thanks you very very much. I need more honest posts w/o all the finger pointing. I've lurked here off & on since before I had my band. If it's not one it's another type of surgery someone's revised to that some how created unnecessary finger pointing drama here. I feel sorry for those that had bands that didn't work. I really do. To have all that hope & enthusiasm smashed into your heart has to be absolutely gut wrenching. I'm mindful that mine has gone good so far & that I only have to deal with minuet things that are somewhat common w/the band. We need more proper education, sincere helpful support, & less "I told you so". Thank you for your kind words about my thread... thank you very much.