Lighten the mood: have a f*cking laugh!
***************************************************************************************
A pirate walks into a bar.
The bartender notices that the pirate has what appears to be a steering wheel in his pants.
He says, "Hey, Buddy, it looks like you have a steering wheel in your pants!"
And the pirate says, "Yeah, it's drivin' me nuts."
**************************************************************************************
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
***************************************************************************************
A giraffe walks into a bar and says, "The high balls are on me!"
***********************************************************************************
A woman gets onto a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says, “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!"
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, “The driver just insulted me!"
The man says, “There’s no call for that. You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you."
*******************************************************************************************
What's green and has wheels?
Grass. I lied about the wheels
*******************************************************************************************
Two cannibals are talking. One says "I don't like my mother-in-law."
The other cannibal says "So just eat the noodles."
A pirate walks into a bar.
The bartender notices that the pirate has what appears to be a steering wheel in his pants.
He says, "Hey, Buddy, it looks like you have a steering wheel in your pants!"
And the pirate says, "Yeah, it's drivin' me nuts."
**************************************************************************************
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
***************************************************************************************
A giraffe walks into a bar and says, "The high balls are on me!"
***********************************************************************************
A woman gets onto a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says, “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!"
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, “The driver just insulted me!"
The man says, “There’s no call for that. You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you."
*******************************************************************************************
What's green and has wheels?
Grass. I lied about the wheels
*******************************************************************************************
Two cannibals are talking. One says "I don't like my mother-in-law."
The other cannibal says "So just eat the noodles."
Avoid kemmerling, Green Bay, WI
HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE??? SIX jokes that I have NEVER heard! 
Guy walks into a bar.
Second guy walks into a bar.
The third guy ducks.
***********************************
What's brown and sounds like a bell?
Dung.
***********************************
First cannibal: Hey, man. Are you having a good time?
Second cannibal: Hell, yeah. I'm having a ball!
***********************************
What's the difference between parsley and *****
NO ONE eats parsley!
***********************************
What's green and smells like pig?
Kermit's finger.
Guy walks into a bar.
Second guy walks into a bar.
The third guy ducks.
***********************************
What's brown and sounds like a bell?
Dung.
***********************************
First cannibal: Hey, man. Are you having a good time?
Second cannibal: Hell, yeah. I'm having a ball!
***********************************
What's the difference between parsley and *****
NO ONE eats parsley!
***********************************
What's green and smells like pig?
Kermit's finger.
Banded 10 years & maintaining my weight loss!! Any questions, message me.
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