BIG HUGZ! I dont have any words of wisdom to offer. I dont tolerate disrespect and I do not like tension, argueing and all that other stuff that goes with it. I guess thats why I tolerate my husband. He is a quiet man, hardly ever gets upset and absolutely knows better than to push my buttons or raise his voice to me. Ive left him more than once, and he knows after 25 years, he is on his last leg of our journey together. If you want it to work then you have to communicate and you very well may need counseling together. Id bet anything, Pam is already afraid you might leave . You may very well benefit from some space, to evaluate where the relationship is and where you seeing it going. ALL relationships take work, and you have to communicate with each other, in a positive way, to make it work. Nothing is solved with screaming, yelling and anger and I just think its best not to confront anyone when you feel this way. I cant say I have always done it, I can loose my cool and get off my chest, right then and there, what I need too and if I raise my voice, "oh well". Fortunately, we haven't had a arguement or disagreement in well over a year. Ive learned if I see him doing something to irritate me, I call him on it, and let him know Im not so dumb. I have him pegged, and he generally stops it right then and there. Tomorrow, today may not seem so bad. Hang in there, kiddo! Sandy

You've got more grit than I do!! If I'm arguing with my SO for more than a month -- I walk! Plain and simple! If things haven't improved, then they aren't going to improve! And I've always found that after leaving if we try things again once our "emotions" have had a chance to cool -- things are never the same and it's much quicker to walk the second time at the first sign of trouble! If you want things to work out -- hang tough. Because the first time you walk, it might be tough -- but it gets easier and easier to do -- and eventually there's nothing left to hold on to. You may feel the need for some private/personal time - a chance to escape - to get away - to be your own person -- and that's fine and great and you should be encouraged to do so! If you have family you can visit -- take a short "vacation" and spend a couple of days away from each other. If she suggests counseling -- go with her and show her you are in it for the long-haul -- that you aren't ready to give up -- that you really are willing to do what it takes to make things work. You can do nothing about her insecurities -- you can only change the way YOU "fight" to take her off the defensive (or from the sound of it offensive). It's a learning process - and you both have choices. Maybe you need to sit down with her and ask her if she is willing to work these problems out or if she is wanting to throw in the towel -- let her know you love her and don't want it to go that way - but you want to be considerate of her feelings. Establish boundaries (easier said than done -- I KNOW!) and be reasonable and realistic. I admire your dedication -- as I said before -- I'm one of those people who would have walked (and I've walked so many times that I find it difficult to put up with anyone at times!) I wish you the best ~

Girl - you have no idea how much of this kind of stuff I've put up with for 3 years! At first, it was because of the dog -- then it became a matter of not wanting to sign a lease due to my grandmother's health failing (she died last year). Since then, I've been looking for jobs out of this state -- I just haven't been successful -- so again, I didn't want to sign a lease! Well, during that time -- if I bought groceries and brought them into the house (granted, they would have lasted me from one paycheck to the next) - he'd gobble them down in 2-3 days ($200 worth of food mind you). When payday rolled around, I'd be broke and foodless -- but he'd go and get himself something, but nothing for me after he'd eaten all my food! If I went out of the house, he'd call me on the cell phone and ask if I would stop off at Wal-Mart on my way home to pick him up something. I'd tell him I wouldn't be home for several hours, that he might as well go and get it himself. He wouldn't -- and sure enough, the very next day he'd call me again if I left the house to ask me to pick up the very same thing! The whole point -- he didn't want to pay for what it was he wanted but EXPECTED me to fork out the $$ for his crap!!! Since I've been there, he's not once paid for toilet paper, shampoo/conditioner, toothpaste, laundry soap, DOG FOOD (at first he was feeding his dog my dog's food -- but since then, he'll feed that **** in-the-house oversized rodent my groceries!), or any other household "necessity." He's used my good pots to put mineral spirits in, as oil pans, or to rinse greasy boat parts. He's taken over my tools, my electrical cords (and has destroyed 3 of the outdoor 50-ft. cords by running them over in the driveway), used my mop or towels to clean up oil spills in the shop, my fricking toothbrush as a parts scrubber, and the list goes on! He has CONSTANTLY stepped all over my boundaries and putting up with his "bully" attitude if I say something about it just hasn't been worth it - so I started putting stuff away after having asked several times for him not to destroy my stuff (I even went so far as to make him a stack of "old" towels that I didn't care if he used in the shop -- but he still went straight for the good/new ones first -- so I packed them away or put them in a drawer in my room to keep them off the shop floor!) And get this -- I left HIS towels out for him, but he would go into my room and get the towels I had drying (I use them for a week and wash them on the weekend) to dry himself off on!! I'd get out of the shower and have a WET TOWEL to dry off on because he came into MY room and took MINE (and they'd been used before!!!) When I'd wash towels, he'd go and snatch mine before I'd have a chance to use it - so I'd go into the bathroom, take my towel and rewash the damned thing!! He used my toothbrush one morning to brush his teeth -- so I went out and bought TWO more toothbrushes -- one for me, and one for him so he wouldn't do it again (that's just NASTY!) And I hate this -- I'd go to use my deodorant only to find long pit hairs on it from where he'd gotten into it so I bought him his own to keep him out of mine -- and when he'd run out -- he'd be back to the same **** again so I started leaving mine in my room and he went in there and used it anyway!!!!! The whole "using" situation has been going on for YEARS! Every time I thought about leaving before, something would get turned off at the house and he claimed to be broke -- or I'd feel sorry for him since "no one gave [him] anything for [his] (birthday or Christmas)." Maybe he should get a clue that the whole world doesn't owe him anything! I guess he will soon find that one out when I move and he loses his cellular phone too -- after all, that is on my plan and I pay for it! The whole kicker of this is -- the house payment is 2.5 months behind, he knows I'm leaving, he knows I'm not going to give him any more $$ -- but just last Monday he was on eBay bidding on a new color graph/fish finder for his boat -- and there's absolutely nothing wrong with the one he has now!!! I know he's going to go begging my younger brother for $$ when I leave claiming that he's broke because he doesn't have the additional $$ from me -- but I'm telling you -- he's worse than a drug addict when it comes to that fishing crap!! I hate to say it (or see it) - but he's going under FAST!! He's on "credit counseling consolidation" due to non-payment of his credit card bills, has 3 outstanding loans out against that damned boat (the boat itself, a "second mortgage" when he upgraded to the current one, and a loan for the motor). He owes over $8K in credit card debt (on ONE card), his house payment is behind -- so are his utilities. He's so IRRESPONSIBLE that it's not even funny!! And I'm just SICK of him being in my pocket only to come home with more CRAP for that boat! Okay -- I've ranted enough -- and you have no idea the extent of this madness -- this is only the TIP of the ICEBERG with me! I think the one thing that pissed me off with him more than anything was when Granma died. I loved her more than anyone else who has walked the face of this earth. I stayed here for 4 years because I wouldn't leave her while she was sick. I visited her every other weekend once she moved to Roanoke, Alabama (80+ miles from me one-way), never let a trip to the hospital go unvisited, etc. My brother went to see her once a year - the only time he spoke with her on the phone is when I called and handed him the phone -- then on the night that she died -- he screws this piece of $h!+ liar for the first time -- and the second time was the night we burried my grandmother! Then at Christmas, he had the NERVE to come up to me telling me how much he missed her and how Christmas just wasn't the same without her (truth be told, he was morning the loss of his piece of a$$ that left him for another fella but was still lying and stringing him along!) The insanity goes on and on -- I'm done with him! I've re-done my Will and completely cut him out -- he's gotten enough and will never get anything more. Ok -- I'll quit my rant! It's doing me no good to rehash this -- it's only ******g me off more when I think of all the crap he's pulled! Sorry to dump this on you -- but damn it felt good to get it out!

Kim, I know just what you mean. Our computer room/home office has become a catch all as well. Once the painters are done and gone and I can move the stuff back into the rest of the house where it goes, I am going to continue the weeding out of stuff. We had them paint every room but that one...I'll do that one myself...or maybe see if I can entice my dad to come help me! My colors are Urban Putty and Snowball from Sherwin WIlliams. The Urban Putty is a khaki and its on the walls and the trim is Snowball...a softer white. The backsplash and tile that will go in the kitchen is khaki and some muted browns...and then we'll have these little deco tiles to go in the backspla****hink it will have a little Tuscan Villa feel to it...or at least that's what I'm hoping! Hope you are having a great day...I'll do my best to get your catalog in the mail to you tomorrow! Love ya, Becky

WOW! Maybe I should hire someone to paint this one tiny little room that I've been trying to paint now for two years......the problem is that it is a catch-all room. Anything that I dont want out in the house I throw in there.......well two years later, I'm still going through CRAP. Glad everything is going good. I know you are excited! What are your colors?