YOU KILL ME TALKING ABOUT BEATING SOMEBODY UP WITH THAT CANE Just think, you're gonna miss 'him' when he's gone in a few short months Thanks again for everything Kim

I totally understand. Leaving a partner is the same, gay or straight. I remember when I left my first husband, I was more excited about the fact that the divorce would mean that his mother was no longer my mother-in-law than the fact that I would no longer be his wife. And I absolutely grieved over leaving his little brother, who had become MY brother. And since his little brother was a minor, I wasn't able to establish any sort of visitation rights. This doesn't have anything to do with being gay. You and the person you love are not in harmony with each other right now and it hurts. I know you love her and that she loves you. Could the two of you take a week off and go to the beach and just talk? Or, could you write her a letter, telling her how much you love her, how sad you are that you and she are fighting so much, how much you want this to work and how deeply devoted to her you are and say you need to leave for a while to think about things....and then leave the letter for her and you go....to the Holiday Inn. She will probably try to call you on your cell phone. Let her leave a message. If you like the message, call her and tell her which Holiday Inn you are in and tell her to come rekindle. And if you don't like her message, let her think about it another day. Or ask Ms. Cleo to look in her crystal ball and tell you what is going to happen. I truly believe it will work out for you. I have heard you talk about her, have seen the way you two look at each other in the photos. There is a magic there that has nothing to do with being gay or straight. I'm not going to categorize people in a gay or straight category anyway. In my opinion, in this world of so much strife, hatred and hopelessness, ANY EXPRESION OF LOVE is precious and sacred. Good luck, dear heart, We're here for you, Joni Instead of beating HER up, I could come down there and pretend to beat YOU up with my walking cane. I can just imagine Pam rushing in there to kick my a$$ and come to your defense. Then you both could nurse my leg where Ms. Cleo will surely bite me for causing trouble in her house. Then Pam would spend the whole night treasuring you because she almost lost you to that crazed crippled woman with the cane. Hmmm, I think the hotel idea would be a better idea.

Thanks Sandy! It is so very hard to keep my mouth shut sometimes....it's like I take it and take it and then blow up FINALLY and that makes it way worse. She always has to have the last word, so lately I just quit talking and ignore her.....and let her hear herself talk. Stupid and childish, I know (and that's what she tells me)....but damn, I LOVE being happy. I HATE arguing. Throughout my Mom's short illness before she died, the most valuable thing that I learned is just how short life is......way too short to be doing this petty crap. Love you Girl, Kim

I'm another one who will walk out before I let it get that far. I stayed longer with my second husband than I normally would because the day I decided to leave, I broke my ankle and thought I had to stay with him for the insurance to pay for my medical bills. Then, as he got more abusive, I had to make plans, sneaking things out to a storage unit, squirreling away part of my paycheck, etc. to get the money to run. Since you sound like you are committed to the relationship, I would go to counseling with her. I wish you lived closer to my psychologist. He is really good. He does have an office in Cullman... Getting away to a Holiday Inn is actually a wonderful idea. Find a hotel that allows pets and you and Ms. Cleo can take a little trip. I wouldn't tell Pam I was leaving for the weekend. I would wait until she left for work, pack my bag and just leave. When Pam comes home to an empty house, she will have a whole weekend to see what it's like to be without you and what the repercussions are if she ever treats you like that again. That's just my opinion. I can live in a relationship without love, but I will NOT live without respect. I know it's a difficult decision, but something has to be done. Whatever you decide to do, we are behind you 100% and if you need anything that I can help with, let me know. We love you, Joni

It's amazing the lengths "users" will go to to steal things from people they pretend to love. Even amazing is how long those people will put up for it. I have been there, done that, got the t-shirt, not with a brother, but with friend after friend after friend after friend...most of them males. If I ever dated a man who didn't start in with the "hints" about how short of money he is and could he please borrow $20 (at first) then $100, then "How much leeway do you have on your credit card, Sweetie?" I wasn't put on this earth to support ANY able bodied male. If I fall in love with a wonderful man who treats me with respect and pays his own bills and he somehow becomes disabled and needs support, I will happily take care of him. But if he's able to stand on his legs and able to get his a$$ out the door, he'd dang well better have a job. And if he can go out on a friggin' boat and fish, then there'd better be a good catfish dinner waiting for me when I get home from work. But you? You did not give birth to that boy and since he's obviously over the age of 10, you have no responsibility to him. Renting a storage unit is going to be cheaper than supporting him until you move. When I was preparing to leave my second husband, I rented a storage unit and took everything I could take out. When we had gotten married, we received all new towels, sheets, etc., and had dumped all my stuff in the cellar. So every chance I got to grab a box out of the cellar and take it to my storage unit, off I went. It was very difficult because we lived with his grandmother, and she was almost always there. I knew my marriage was getting more and more abusive and I knew that he would eventually try to kill me. And when that night came, I had enough stuff in my storage unit to "start over" with when I left. I was able to get my christmas tree, my winter clothes, etc. out because he didn't miss them and we lived in a one room apartment so there was enough stuff there that it was always going to be cluttered. I only took my own stuff out. I left ALL the stuff we had gotten as wedding presents, all his stuff. I left him the dishes and silverware and had eaten on cheap plastic or paper plates since then. I have picked up a few mismatched silverware items to "make do." Someday I want to get a "real" set of dishes, but having the FREEDOM of being away from that ....well I can't use a word that wouldn't get pulled on here to describe my ex-husband. I am still using towels and sheets that I got as wedding presents from my first marriage in 1978, but at least it's MY danged stuff and no one else uses it. I remember having oral surgery several years ago and having a prescription for Percoset. Man, that was some good stuff and it took the pain away. It was the first time I had ever had anything that really worked. And with the surgery I had had, man did I need some pain pills. But when I went to get one after using only 2-3, they were gone. My boyfriend at the time....He had a headache and "needed" them. After all, he had been taking care of me after my surgery and I had given him a headache so he deserved them and how dare I ask him about them. It's not like I had bought him some Excedrin or anything.....it was MY fault, you know. Anyway, I guess I'm *****ing now too, but I love living by myself. I have always said...if I ever get married again, it's going to be difficult to talk me into it, but if I agree, he'd better be able to find us a duplex apartment with a connecting door because I am going to stay in my side and he can stay in his. But a brother...no. And my family...the things they do, the things they say to me....amaze me more than any stranger on the street or person in the news. Hugs to you and best of wishes, Love, Joni