Hey girl.. Yep..it's in Pelham..that's where I live. Joni was up to the doc in Alabaster which is right beside Pelham..and Kim met us..it was absolutely great....only thing that could have made it any better would have been for all of our friends to be there with us. Maybe soon.... Beth

What a relief! Now that you have returned from the dead, you can start posting more! Hint, hint.... We love you! Joni who got to talk to Dixie for a few minutes today and then my phone ran out of charge and I have used almost all of my peak minutes on my cell. But it was nice to talk to her anyway!

Wow, did I need that! I have been so selfish lately, wallowing in my self-pity. I used to spend a lot of time wondering about my purpose in life. One of the motivational seminars I went to one time talked about companies having mission statements and said that we personally should have mission statements. At the time, I spent every spare moment and every spare dollar on writing letters, sending gifts, etc., as part of an organization that sent mail to our military. I realized I couldn't make a huge difference in the world, but I could do SOMETHING. A lot of those people were in desolate places fighting for our freedom, and I felt I could make a difference. So I came up with my mission statement: My purpose in life is to shine a little light in dark places. I wrote those letters for years. I finally stopped because I was neglecting my own basic needs to do things for them and well, the main reason was because almost every letter I got back was something to the effect of "Send me a photo of you naked. I bet you have the cutest little butt and long, thin legs. How big are your boobs?" Anyway, since I weighed over 300 lbs., I figured they wouldn't want to write to me anymore. They always loved my letters, until I sent them a photo and then they would stop writing to me. So I was disillusioned, to say the least. I did send a few hundred books to Iraq in the past few months to those who had requested books, and several boxes of coffee, toiletries, etc., that they had requested, but there is just no money for the postage and again, I was neglecting my own basic needs to try to send them things. But I still feel that it is my mission in life to shine a little light in dark places. I know it sounds kind of hokey, but it seems to fit the way that my heart feels. Here lately though, I have begun to feel that it is my mission, at this time, to make my own self my favorite charity. I need to take care of me. It's the most difficult thing I have ever done though. I'm not used to taking care of myself. And I'm not doing a good job of it. Everything that needs to be done either is something I don't know how to do or something I can't physically do or something that takes money. So I am just sinking lower and lower in depression because I am not used to feeling so totally helpless. I have always wanted to write books and I used to have this stupid fantasy about turning my life around and becoming a motivational speaker. My psychologist keeps telling me that there are people who would benefit from my story and that I should write a book. Jacquie has always told me I should write books. Other people have told me I should write books. And I know that that is what I want to do. I do write a little, but I am so overwhelmed with the depression and my clutter problem and my financial and medical problems that I can't concentrate on anything. My Adult Attention Deficit Disorder is taking me over at the moment. I can't concentrate unless I am in a peaceful, uncluttered environment. And I haven't seen peaceful in so long. Sundays just about do me in at my parents' house. I do much better in conversations that I WRITE instead of when I talk. Since I have the problem with attention, it's hard to get my thoughts together to talk to people and once I get my thoughts together and start to speak, I lose my train of thought because I start a sentence and most people interrupt before you can even finish one sentence and then I'm lost. Then I try to get another sentence out and another interruption. No one is allowed to talk at my mother's house because she has to talk every single second. She will ask me a question, but I'm never allowed to answer it. I will start and then she interrupts. This happens, as you know, with most people. For someone with attention deficit disorder, it is overwhelming, CRIPPLING. Anyway, the only time I am able to get my thoughts out is by writing and sometimes even that gets interrupted when some loud people are yelling in the hallway here at my apartments. By the way, I am not talking about anyone here when I talk about interruptions. I'm sure they happen, but it's not so bad that it overwhelms me. Jacquie especially is AMAZING. She always asks me questions about how I'm doing and then she LISTENS TO ME TELL HER. But most people in this world interrupt. I think that's why I have so few friends. I am not mentally capable of all the chatter. I even watch TV with the "mute" on most of the time. I can talk a mile a minute myself and I know I interrupt a lot too but I want to work on that. I want to learn to just keep my mouth shut most of the time because no one really cares what I say anyway. But people seem to like what I write...sometimes....unless there is a ~ in their names and then they don't like anything I have to say. Well, speaking of shutting up, I have written too long here, but I'm glad you posted this. I need to think about this and write it all out to myself. I always seemed to know who I was...writer, artist, workaholic, **** just kidding...maybe, cook, etc. But now that I can't be the workaholic I used to be, all I think I am is fat and worthless. I do have a vision of who I WANT to be, but it all depends on regaining my health, which means WLS which means AETNA IS IN CHARGE OF MY LIFE. I need to work on my depression most of all and I need to take care of myself and my health. Ok, I'm gonna shut up now. I have lots to think about. Thanks Kim for getting me thinking. I love ya'll, Joni

Linda, Thanks for letting us know! Please keep us posted! Love, Becky

Thanks Kim. I need all of them I can get.... Linda