Petty little things...

This past month I literally haven't said more than a handful of sentences to my brother (who has his ass on his shoulders about my moving -- no more freebies for him!) But the clencher is that as I am packing, I'm finding out more and more about just how petty he is! Just last night, I found a stash of disposable cups that he's stolen out of the bar. Since I've packed up my glassware, he's used a couple of glasses (which are his) and has left them in the sink as if it's my responsibility to clean up after him. I, on the other hand, went out and purchased a package of disposables so as not to have to do dishes. I had noticed that my stack of cups has diminished pretty quickly, now I know why -- he took them and hid them! How fricking petty?! This morning, I go in to do my regular morning routine pee and low and behold, I am now on my last roll of toilet paper when just this weekend there were 7 rolls up in the cupboard! He's stolen my toilet paper of all damned things! And not just a roll or two -- but all but one single roll!! I have noticed that my shower soaps have mysteriously diminished quickly -- as well as my shampoo/conditioner! What in the hell!? The trash bags, the dish soap, the laundry detergent, the towels, you name it -- they're all "disappearing." I really need to get a storage unit this weekend and start moving my stuff now -- before everything else comes up missing! I had planned on leaving the little stuff to keep from having to pack and move it -- but now I'm going to have to go and buy more to even make it to the end of the month! This is just STUPID! His birthday is on the 20th -- maybe I should give him a care package of cups, toilet paper, shampoo, soap, toothpaste, etc. -- all of that stuff that he's stealing from me now! But the other part of me says not to do anything -- if he's being that petty -- if he's stealing my stuff now -- just to let it go and not do a thing -- nothing! Some people amaze me... I just never thought in a million years it would be my own family who amazed me the most! Go figure!

I'd tell him that you were going to do a care package for him and the kinds of things that you were going to put in it for his birthday, but since he decided to take them...oh well...HAPPY FRICKIN BIRTHDAY! I agree...it is terribly petty...but it speaks what you have known in your mind for some time now, that he is using you. Definitely...get you and your stuff out as soon as you can, while you still have stuff! He's pissed cause his free lunch is coming to an end, and like most free loaders...he thinks he's being all subtle, when actually he's just passive aggressive. Geez...I feel for you...want me to come down there with a baseball bat? Sorry...I'm sick...and twisted....I know... Becky

Girl - you have no idea how much of this kind of stuff I've put up with for 3 years! At first, it was because of the dog -- then it became a matter of not wanting to sign a lease due to my grandmother's health failing (she died last year). Since then, I've been looking for jobs out of this state -- I just haven't been successful -- so again, I didn't want to sign a lease! Well, during that time -- if I bought groceries and brought them into the house (granted, they would have lasted me from one paycheck to the next) - he'd gobble them down in 2-3 days ($200 worth of food mind you). When payday rolled around, I'd be broke and foodless -- but he'd go and get himself something, but nothing for me after he'd eaten all my food! If I went out of the house, he'd call me on the cell phone and ask if I would stop off at Wal-Mart on my way home to pick him up something. I'd tell him I wouldn't be home for several hours, that he might as well go and get it himself. He wouldn't -- and sure enough, the very next day he'd call me again if I left the house to ask me to pick up the very same thing! The whole point -- he didn't want to pay for what it was he wanted but EXPECTED me to fork out the $$ for his crap!!! Since I've been there, he's not once paid for toilet paper, shampoo/conditioner, toothpaste, laundry soap, DOG FOOD (at first he was feeding his dog my dog's food -- but since then, he'll feed that **** in-the-house oversized rodent my groceries!), or any other household "necessity." He's used my good pots to put mineral spirits in, as oil pans, or to rinse greasy boat parts. He's taken over my tools, my electrical cords (and has destroyed 3 of the outdoor 50-ft. cords by running them over in the driveway), used my mop or towels to clean up oil spills in the shop, my fricking toothbrush as a parts scrubber, and the list goes on! He has CONSTANTLY stepped all over my boundaries and putting up with his "bully" attitude if I say something about it just hasn't been worth it - so I started putting stuff away after having asked several times for him not to destroy my stuff (I even went so far as to make him a stack of "old" towels that I didn't care if he used in the shop -- but he still went straight for the good/new ones first -- so I packed them away or put them in a drawer in my room to keep them off the shop floor!) And get this -- I left HIS towels out for him, but he would go into my room and get the towels I had drying (I use them for a week and wash them on the weekend) to dry himself off on!! I'd get out of the shower and have a WET TOWEL to dry off on because he came into MY room and took MINE (and they'd been used before!!!) When I'd wash towels, he'd go and snatch mine before I'd have a chance to use it - so I'd go into the bathroom, take my towel and rewash the damned thing!! He used my toothbrush one morning to brush his teeth -- so I went out and bought TWO more toothbrushes -- one for me, and one for him so he wouldn't do it again (that's just NASTY!) And I hate this -- I'd go to use my deodorant only to find long pit hairs on it from where he'd gotten into it so I bought him his own to keep him out of mine -- and when he'd run out -- he'd be back to the same **** again so I started leaving mine in my room and he went in there and used it anyway!!!!! The whole "using" situation has been going on for YEARS! Every time I thought about leaving before, something would get turned off at the house and he claimed to be broke -- or I'd feel sorry for him since "no one gave [him] anything for [his] (birthday or Christmas)." Maybe he should get a clue that the whole world doesn't owe him anything! I guess he will soon find that one out when I move and he loses his cellular phone too -- after all, that is on my plan and I pay for it! The whole kicker of this is -- the house payment is 2.5 months behind, he knows I'm leaving, he knows I'm not going to give him any more $$ -- but just last Monday he was on eBay bidding on a new color graph/fish finder for his boat -- and there's absolutely nothing wrong with the one he has now!!! I know he's going to go begging my younger brother for $$ when I leave claiming that he's broke because he doesn't have the additional $$ from me -- but I'm telling you -- he's worse than a drug addict when it comes to that fishing crap!! I hate to say it (or see it) - but he's going under FAST!! He's on "credit counseling consolidation" due to non-payment of his credit card bills, has 3 outstanding loans out against that damned boat (the boat itself, a "second mortgage" when he upgraded to the current one, and a loan for the motor). He owes over $8K in credit card debt (on ONE card), his house payment is behind -- so are his utilities. He's so IRRESPONSIBLE that it's not even funny!! And I'm just SICK of him being in my pocket only to come home with more CRAP for that boat! Okay -- I've ranted enough -- and you have no idea the extent of this madness -- this is only the TIP of the ICEBERG with me! I think the one thing that pissed me off with him more than anything was when Granma died. I loved her more than anyone else who has walked the face of this earth. I stayed here for 4 years because I wouldn't leave her while she was sick. I visited her every other weekend once she moved to Roanoke, Alabama (80+ miles from me one-way), never let a trip to the hospital go unvisited, etc. My brother went to see her once a year - the only time he spoke with her on the phone is when I called and handed him the phone -- then on the night that she died -- he screws this piece of $h!+ liar for the first time -- and the second time was the night we burried my grandmother! Then at Christmas, he had the NERVE to come up to me telling me how much he missed her and how Christmas just wasn't the same without her (truth be told, he was morning the loss of his piece of a$$ that left him for another fella but was still lying and stringing him along!) The insanity goes on and on -- I'm done with him! I've re-done my Will and completely cut him out -- he's gotten enough and will never get anything more. Ok -- I'll quit my rant! It's doing me no good to rehash this -- it's only ******g me off more when I think of all the crap he's pulled! Sorry to dump this on you -- but damn it felt good to get it out!

Let it go, once and for all and be done with it. It serves no purpose, other than upsetting you to be reminded of it. It is time for him to have some tough love and he will either, grow up and accept his responsibilities or sink and wait around for someone else to pull him back up. I had to do this with my older sister, when our mother died. She was used to mother paying all her bills, although she did work. her son was my parents first granchild and I know they took care of her because of him, all these years. After mother died she had the audacity to think we ( the sisters) would carry on, what our parents had always done, pay her bills for her. She got a rude awakening and realized she was on her own and had no one to take care of her but herself. If my nephew was in need, we would absolutely step in and help her out with things like Christmas for him, and school supplies and fees, clothes but she was on her own with her other bills. It worked, she stepped up to the plate and really has come alot farther than I ever imagined she would. It took her a few years but she even managed to save and buy herself a new car. My son was heading the same way, he took a wife, they had a baby and he tried to lay guilt trips on me, because of the baby, that he couldnt take care of himself or them. He got tired of hearing me say you should never have married if you cant even take care of yourself. He too, finally came around. They live away from me but they are doing great and standing on their own two feet, working and doing very well. I had to get it in his head, not to depend on me. I needed to see for myself, that he could make it without me. Vent, rant and rave. It does the spirit good to release all this negative energy. Sandy

*Blinks..tries to get the shell shocked look off my face* Geez woman! Glad you feel better...I'll get over the deer caught in the headlights look in a minute...maybe... Becky

It's amazing the lengths "users" will go to to steal things from people they pretend to love. Even amazing is how long those people will put up for it. I have been there, done that, got the t-shirt, not with a brother, but with friend after friend after friend after friend...most of them males. If I ever dated a man who didn't start in with the "hints" about how short of money he is and could he please borrow $20 (at first) then $100, then "How much leeway do you have on your credit card, Sweetie?" I wasn't put on this earth to support ANY able bodied male. If I fall in love with a wonderful man who treats me with respect and pays his own bills and he somehow becomes disabled and needs support, I will happily take care of him. But if he's able to stand on his legs and able to get his a$$ out the door, he'd dang well better have a job. And if he can go out on a friggin' boat and fish, then there'd better be a good catfish dinner waiting for me when I get home from work. But you? You did not give birth to that boy and since he's obviously over the age of 10, you have no responsibility to him. Renting a storage unit is going to be cheaper than supporting him until you move. When I was preparing to leave my second husband, I rented a storage unit and took everything I could take out. When we had gotten married, we received all new towels, sheets, etc., and had dumped all my stuff in the cellar. So every chance I got to grab a box out of the cellar and take it to my storage unit, off I went. It was very difficult because we lived with his grandmother, and she was almost always there. I knew my marriage was getting more and more abusive and I knew that he would eventually try to kill me. And when that night came, I had enough stuff in my storage unit to "start over" with when I left. I was able to get my christmas tree, my winter clothes, etc. out because he didn't miss them and we lived in a one room apartment so there was enough stuff there that it was always going to be cluttered. I only took my own stuff out. I left ALL the stuff we had gotten as wedding presents, all his stuff. I left him the dishes and silverware and had eaten on cheap plastic or paper plates since then. I have picked up a few mismatched silverware items to "make do." Someday I want to get a "real" set of dishes, but having the FREEDOM of being away from that ....well I can't use a word that wouldn't get pulled on here to describe my ex-husband. I am still using towels and sheets that I got as wedding presents from my first marriage in 1978, but at least it's MY danged stuff and no one else uses it. I remember having oral surgery several years ago and having a prescription for Percoset. Man, that was some good stuff and it took the pain away. It was the first time I had ever had anything that really worked. And with the surgery I had had, man did I need some pain pills. But when I went to get one after using only 2-3, they were gone. My boyfriend at the time....He had a headache and "needed" them. After all, he had been taking care of me after my surgery and I had given him a headache so he deserved them and how dare I ask him about them. It's not like I had bought him some Excedrin or anything.....it was MY fault, you know. Anyway, I guess I'm *****ing now too, but I love living by myself. I have always said...if I ever get married again, it's going to be difficult to talk me into it, but if I agree, he'd better be able to find us a duplex apartment with a connecting door because I am going to stay in my side and he can stay in his. But a brother...no. And my family...the things they do, the things they say to me....amaze me more than any stranger on the street or person in the news. Hugs to you and best of wishes, Love, Joni