It's official... I'm moving!

My brother finally hit my last nerve while Helmut was here visiting and I made up my mind during the week of silence that I've reached my limit - I've had enough. I pondered my options and got out the trusty old "Bulletin Board" and started looking at property rentals -- didn't like what I saw when I went by to take a look so I got an Apartment Finders guide and settled in on 6 options. When I finally told my brother after a week that I had reached my limit and I was ready to have my own space again - he hit the roof and started accusing me of being the root of all his problems (even that it's 110 degrees outside) - which has made my decision much easier on me since I won't feel even a twinge of guilt when he loses his house within a few months of my leaving (he's already 2.5 months behind on his house payment, the house is falling apart, the roof is leaking, neither of the 2 bathrooms are fully functional [the toilet doesn't work upstairs, the shower doesn't work downstairs], every other month one of the utilites gets cut off [and I've paid out of pocket in addition to the rent I pay to turn it back on], you name it!) In the long run - I will be saving so much more money (in the 3 years I have been here he has NEVER bought toilet paper, dish soap, laundry soap, shampoo/conditioner, toothpaste, groceries, etc. - but he consumes everything brought into this house). Just crunching numbers, I will actually come out AHEAD by leaving (not to mention I'll save $100/mo. just by cutting off the 2nd cellular phone on my account - or at the very least, taking the phone back and having the number changed and using it in case of an emergency). When I spoke with my sister-in-law about everything being up in the air other than the fact that I was moving (regardless) by the 1st of September, her and my younger brother said "come stay here until you figure out if you're going to be in school, take a job out of state if one is offered, whatever -- there's no sense in you signing a lease when you don't know what you want right now" -- so I offered to pay them the rent that I've paid Buddy. That was all fine and dandy and we all left the table at my moving in with them and paying them for room/board. So I called Steph today and told her I was going to be moving some boxes over the weekend and asked if she'd mind if I went ahead and gave her the Crystal Ornaments that I've been collecting for years (I really don't want to put them in storage or risk them getting broken -- the collection is worth over $3K -- and her and my youngest brother are now sole beneficiaries of my estate -- so might as well give them the ornaments now instead of waiting until later) -- anyway -- the point of this is - she told me tonight that they won't take any rent $$ from me. That I am welcome to stay as long as I want, but they won't take my money. They decided that earlier this week and now I'm back to looking at apartments. I'm so fricking hard-headed - I do not want to live somewhere for free -- I'm not a freeloader and I don't want to feel like a burden on anyone. Granted, I won't know until August 26th (which is the deadline for registering for classes) whether or not the "defaulted" student loan consolidation goes through so I can get back in school for next term. I have applications out all over the place -- one job in particular that I would love to have (I have all the qualifications, in excess of the required education, etc. and it pays $18K more a year than what I make now -- the only thing about that is -- it's in Pueblo, Colorado [which is cheaper to live there than here]). The job is not a guarantee - but the prospects are very favorable. My first choice is school - if that falls through and I get an offer for the job -- the job is my second choice. Right now - nothing in my life has any solidarity and I'm so not used to living off the cuff. In a way it is exciting to think of my prospects - and in others - it scares the **** out of me! I do have a friend (actually my WLS Buddy who I've kept in touch with over the past 2 years) who lives in Colorado Springs (40 minutes from Pueblo) who is even more excited than I am about the prospect of me moving to Colorado. So I would at least know someone in the area before I left - and you guys have no idea how much I hope to have both options (school and the job) to choose between. I so hope to HAVE options - not just dream that options are available to me. I want out of this state so bad -- and the only reason I've been here up until now was my grandmother who passed away in October last year. I've been looking for jobs for a long time - but they have been so few and far between. I keep hoping that my situation will improve -- I just need to learn a little patience! Anyway, I've rambled enough -- just know I'm still around -- although packing and getting ready to move (moving some stuff into a storage unit this weekend -- the more I pack the more I'm convinced I should just have a yard sale and give this **** away to anyone who walks by to even look!) Love you guys -- I'll be in and out over the next few weeks - so don't worry, I'm just busy!

Hell -- I got to thinking last night -- IF I can get into school next term and IF Colorado offers me a job -- I can do BOTH!!! The class is a weekend class -- Saturday/Sunday once a month for 3 months -- airfare is $430 roundtrip and I'd be taking home after taxes about $1200/mo. more than I do here (and the cost of living is cheaper there) -- so keep your fingers crossed that they BOTH work out in my favor!!! That would be the ultimate!

I'll be thinking of you and hoping for the best option for you. Lindy