Tough Question

Beware, this might offend our unauthorized lurkers if there are any still out there and they might report me, lol... Ok, here's the scenario: I've got a physical ability test coming up next month for the highway patrol. I've already joined Curves, but I have a male friend who is a body builder. He's volunteered to work with me really hard for the next month to get me better prepared for this test in the gym he attends. Now, my husband is not usually the jealous type, but I'll be spending at least 2 hours with this guy 4-5 days a week or at least until I get a routine down pat and am comfortable using the equipment. Soooo, should I ask my husband's "permission" or no? If I ask and he tells me no, I'm inclined at this point to tell him the hell with it, I'm working out with him anyway. I'm asking this because I need to hear your viewpoints. I'm probably a bit one-sided on this topic because this is something I've wanted since I was in highschool and my husband really doesn't want me to do it. Oh, and my husband used to be a body builder and competed, but no matter how many times I've asked, he's never helped me. Oh, and I'm learning to be a little tougher, so ya'll just be honest with me, ok? Thanks, G PS I'm thinking about changing my name to gun-wielding baby...whatcha think?

Hey G! I'm SO proud of you for not only going after your dream but for being proactive in getting prepared to give it all you've got! Since your DH has basically refused to help you, I would probably put it out on the table like this, "So & So is going to work with me for the next month to help me build my strength for taking the test next month". That way, you are telling him what you are doing but not really asking permission, ya know? Ultimately, would it change your mind if he said , "no, I don't want you to do that."? I mean, this is YOUR DREAM, YOUR CAREER, YOUR FUTURE.....YOU are in charge of making it happen. You go girl I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!! Hugs, Kim oh yeah, I LOVE GUN-WIELDING BABY

Ditto to what Kim said. Don't ask just tell! Gail

I agree with the others. I do this with my mother ALL THE TIME. It doesn't matter what I say I am going to do, she will start in on why I simply CANNOT do that. And I repeat, every single time: "I did not call to ask your permission. I just wanted to let you know what I was going to be doing." So tell him, you are not asking his permission. This is what you are doing. Unless he has severe memory problems, he knows that you have asked for his assistance and he hasn't given it. Marriage doesn't mean being siamese twins. It doesn't mean getting a new father. You do not have to ask his permission to do something. If you were going out and purchasing a new house with a mortgage that was $1000 a month more than you were currently paying and he was going to be responsible for paying half of it, yes, you would need to discuss it, but this is something you want to do, something you've dreamed of doing and being married doesn't mean giving up your dreams. I say just tell him and if he has a problem with it, tell him "I am a gun-wielding baby and this is what I am going to do. If you have a problem with it, you can speak to my attorney...." I love the new name, but I cringe at the word "baby." I don't like it when men call me that. I think it's demeaning, but if you like it, go for it! I do love the "gun-wielding" part! You could try teasing with him too. Say something like, "you just don't want me to be so tough that I can kick your a$$, is that it?" or "Don't you wanna be able to tell the guys not to mess with you because your wife can beat them up?" I used to be engaged to a guy in the Army in the military police. He used to tell his buddies that. I was taller than he was and he'd always say, "Don't mess with me. My fiance can kick your a$$." The best of luck to you! You can do it! Love, Joni

G, I think the working out is a good idea and I think having a partner to work out with is a great thing too, irregardless of their gender. I don't think you need to ask permission per se, but do discuss it with your hubby. Tell him that you have asked for his help numerous times, and since he has failed thus far to help you, you have found someone else to work out with. As far as the working out every day for that length of time, I always understood that you needed to give your body a break between strength training sessions so that it could rest and repair itself. The gym that I attend suggests resting a day in between so as not to overtrain. This guy is a body builder, so his body is used to being pushed to that limit all the time. You wouldn't want the weight training to be counter productive considering the amount of time you have to prepare...so discuss it with him. Just my 2 cents... Becky

Hey G! Tell him about the situation, but don't 'ask'. Just be honest. Love ya, Lindy

Hey G!! I agree with everyone else. Just discuss it with him. Don't ask him or get his permission. Good luck and let us know how it goes... Love, Linda