Now, I'm the nut case

Hi all. I hope everyone is doing ok and weathered the storms. I've had a rough couple of days. As most of you know, I recently faced the fact that I have clinical depression and am on week 5 of Effexor. Well, on top of that I have battled SEVERE INSOMNIA since my WLS. I take Ambian or Lunesta every night and am lucky if I get 2-3 hours of good sleep. Of course, my PCP (whom I adore) says that the depression is compounded by the Insomnia which causes more anxiety which leads to my Rheumatoid Arthritis flare ups. It's a vicious cycle.... So we spent all day Saturday getting ready for the storm. Tying down everything that might possible move, getting sandbags put in place, making sure we have enough food/ice/water/batteries/ washing clothes, etc. I mopped the whole house 3 times because I wanted to make sure it was clean because the baby would be playing. Then Sunday I get up and cook because Pam's daughter and husband and 2 year old are coming to stay with us because they don't have a basement......ok, that's fine-we want them to be safe. Well, we are in the process of remodelling and have taken down the bed in the spare room and are using that pretty much as a storage room. So we end up having to put up the blow up mattress in the living room - taking up the whole floor. So, what is already a small space is now even smaller and the house that I've worked so hard cleaning for 2 days is rapidly becoming a disaster area......Cheeze-its everywhere. I give the baby juice - In a sippy cup - but her mother lets her walk around with a GLASS of COKE - anybody know what COKE does to a 2 year old??? So, I'm still cooking, trying to get dinner ready so that I can clean the kitchen and complain of a migraine and go to bed. My kitchen is VERY SMALL. Well where does everyone want to congregate??? You guessed it, In the kitchen right up under me. The baby pulls up a stool and starts climbing up the cabinet (right beside the hot stove) while her mother sits on the kitchen counter and watches me cook......WTF????? CONTROL YOUR CHILD. The father is standing in the kitchen bu****ching the race on the TV in the other room, so the volume is up VERY LOUD. Pam is Still outside doing whatever the hell it is she does out there.....Finally, I hear her in the basement and go down there and tell her she's got to come help me.....she gets pissed off because I am interrupting her routine but she comes upstairs and asked Daniel to help her outside and tells Daphne to take the baby downstairs to play and fold a load of laundry for me......but guess what? She has RED MUD all over her shoes......so I get to mop the floor for a 4th time......but they all stayed out of my way for 15 minutes. Finally, I get dinner on the table and we eat. I get the kitchen cleaned and by this time we've realized the storm is not as bad as we feared. At like 8:00 Pam says, 'well I guess ya'll can go home since nothing is going to happen'......They don't want to leave. It's raining, blah blah blah. At 8:30, I go to bed and toss and turn all night. Yesterday morning I wake up with the biggest migraine in the history of headaches get up to go take something and send an email to my office......I walk in my kitchen and the baby is sitting in the kitchen floor pouring coke (out of a can) on the floor and the dog and playing in it while her mother sits on the couch flipping channels.....So at 6:00 in the morning, I am mopping the floor for the 5th time. ..... I go back to bed, tell Daphne to watch her child.....thinking they will be gone by the time I get back up. At 8:30 I get up, they are back asleep (in my LR floor). I check in with work and go back to bed. Pam calls.....she's on her way to the DR - she's sick. At 10:30, they are still asleep in the floor. I go in the kitchen make enough noise to wake them up (thinking they will leave)........they stay. Pam calls at 11:30 and is on her way home- she has walkin pneumonia (and is contagious)....I tell Daphne she needs to get the baby out of there so she won't be exposed.......what is her response, "She's on antibiotics, she won't get it." So they stay until 3:00. Ok, ya'll I love the kids and love having them there (usually).....but I feel like I am going nuts for getting so stressed out like I have over this. I know a lot of it is because I am exhausted from lack of sleep, but do you think I am having an adverse affect from the Effexor. I thought it was helping with my moodiness/anxiety but now I am scared that it's not working. I was reading in the patient information that you should contact your DR. immediately if you have an increased anxiety level or suicidal thoughts (I HAVENT had). What do you all think? Pam is tip toeing around me once again......and I hate that. I haven't snapped and gone off on anyone yet.....but feel like I could at any moment. Sorry this is so long, but I had to get it out. Thanks for listening! Kim

You sound normal to me. It seems like your generosity and kind nature were taken advantage of. It would have pushed my buttons!!! I think Pam needs to have a long talk with her daughter and let her know when they visit it is her responsibility to clean up after and watch her own child. That is just down right RUDE! Id make getting the basement done a priority so the next time they have to come over because of weather they will already have a nice bed waiting for them down there, a small loveseat and TV and maybe a mini kitchen so they can cook for themselves. Make it a point to hang around down in the basement and bug em so they will not be going upstairs, place a toy box down there with toys, and snacks for the little one and make them an inviting spot in the basement. May sound mean, but it will keep em out of the main house (hopefully) and they can do as they please, down there. Let it be known the main house is shut down, after all who knows where flying glass and debris may go if it gets that rough outside, your safer in the basement anyway. Call your doctor and let them know you are feeling increased anxiety bordering on panic attacks. I have had panic attacks, they are not fun at all. Call your doctor! I was this way on my grandson's birthday. My house FULL of people I dont know, little kids running wild, adults no****ching em. Id had enough! I went out there and told em all they were getting on my nerves, to watch the kids and clean up the mess and go home as soon as they could. I thought I had lost it for a minute...LOL... At least it was DEAD SILENCE while I was speaking...LOL, but OMG they had been there ALL DAY and it was now going on 9pm at night!...They all left, and left the house in a mess. My daughter moved out the next day. Which is fine. I still get my grandsons when I want them but I can not contend with having her friends, who I do not know and do not like, hanging around my house. Im more of a private person and I prefer to spend time ALONE. I do not go out with friends, I have no friends except one that I would go out with but she is tied up taking care of her elderly mother and granddaughter. My obesity has made me want to stay locked up inside my home and I find it HARD to go out in a crowd of people I dont know. I find it HARD to be around people period. I think Im more of a nut case...LOL... but I do not care how others percieve me. If I do not feel comfortable around others. I simply stay home, locked inside my own little world and I am completely happy and satisfied locked away from the real world. In my experience you can only trust yourself anyway. Friends will betray you, so why even bother. Ive almost lost 50 pounds and it hasn't changed that aspect of me just yet. Not sure it ever will. Sandy

Thanks Sandy.....I really have almost SNAPPED the last few times that they've come over, now that I think about it. It's like Daphne 'forgets' that she is a mom and I have to pick up the slack and take care of the baby. If we are outside or by the pool, I don't mind playing with the baby and giving her a break......but don't stand under me in the kitchen!!!Pam has talked to her about it.....a while back. But I guess she will have to say something to her again. I don't feel like it is my place to say anything......because I am the stepmother and so far, she likes me and there have been minimal problems due to jealousy, etc.....so, I'd like to keep that on track but I must admit, I bite my tongue A LOT. Daph is Pam's only child and is VERY spoiled.....but I try to look past that and Pam has gotten a lot better about giving her 'stuff' (money, etc) so that's all I can ask....she is trying to cut the cord, so to speak. For so long, I was such a recluse due to my weight and now that I am a little more sociable......I guess enough is still enough! And me being exhausted certainly doesn't help anything either. I guess I was just raised different than some people, but my Mother would have beat me silly if I had gone to spend the night at someone's house and acted the way they did......and that has carried over into my adult life.....I hate to inconvenience anyone.....but if I'd had no choice but to come to say, your house due to the weather, I would have gone out of my way to be no trouble at all!! Love ya Girlie and hope you are having a great day! kim

Oh my gosh Kim!!! How in the world did you keep cool as long as you did? I agree with Sandy, I think your hospitality was grossly taken advantage of! Now that they are gone and when things have calmed down a bit, why don't you have a talk with Pam? Is it something that you and she could calmly discuss? I'm sure that she knows that you love her and you know that she loves her daughter...maybe discuss how things made you feel. Talking about it when it is not such an emotional issue will hopefully open the door to the two of you making joint decisions about how to handle things in the future. Then once the decisions have been made, then the two of you can deal with them together...after all, its your (both) house...you two make the decisions about what's acceptable and not acceptable in your home. Wishing you all the best! Becky

Kim, I was reading your other post about thinking that you thrived on stress and it made me think: You know, I thought the same thing for years! I always felt that I was extremely conscientious about things...but what it really was is that I am a perfectionist with a need to excel. That combination of traits causes me to put an unusually high amount of stress on myself to not only do things perfectly, but to always do them perfectly and for what I do to be better than everybody else. I am now starting to learn to see it for what it is and to allow myself a little slack. I'm still conscientious, and I always will be, but I'm trying to learn that I don't have to run full throttle all the time and that everything does NOT have to be perfect. I'm also learning that I don't HAVE to impress people...but its a hard habit to break. I know logically that people who love me will love me whether I blow everything out of the water or not...but I set an incredibly high standard for myself, and I am my own hardest critic. This spring I celebrated a personal victory. My students presented a musical on the American Revolution. I considered composing the thing myself for quite a while and then decided not to...I thought, I can find one online and not put myself through that. Then, I had the parents come up with the costumes for their children, rather than us trying to make them at school. Some kids' costumes were perfect, others were just okay And about a week before the performance, when part of the kids didn't have costumes and our art teacher quit without working on our sets, I finally said to myself...and to other friends..."I don't give a ****" ...whether the sets got done or not, whether the costumes were there or not....we were going to have a good time and the parents would love it regardless! And everybody LOVED IT!!! I had rave reviews for weeks. Anyway...GIRLFRIEND...Let's learn to give ourselves a break...WE DESERVE IT!!! Becky

((((((((((HUGS))))))))))) Becky! Thanks, I needed this this morning. I am definately a Perfectionist and am way harder on myself than I am on anyone else. I think a lot of it comes from being Obese for so long......maybe if I throw the greatest party, was the top producing employee, cooked the best meals, decorated the cutest house, gave the best advice, was the most creative lover, best volunteer, etc.....then maybe they wouldn't notice how fat I was and would "like me". Seems kind of shallow, I know, but it's true. It's only since losing weight and in the process finding myself that I've begun to lighten up on myself and forgive myself for many years of self-inflicted abuse (and I'm a LONG way from being anywhere close to where I need to be!) I still function best with an organized and orderly life......but cir****tances (getting married and moving to a smaller house and remodeling on a shoe-string budget) have forced me to lighten up.....and that's a beginning. It feels good to know I'm not the only one out there! Thanks so much for your kind words kim

I would have probably packed a bag and gone to a hotel. I cannot deal with kids and I have lost a lot of friends on account of it. I can't help it. My nerves won't take it. I can't deal with noise and fast movements and kids...well, they're noisy and they move around really fast and I just can't be in that kind of environment. And you can't TELL them, look, Joni has a medical/emotional problem and you are going to have to be quiet and not move around so much. They just look at you like you're nuts and then they start throwing things and screaming at the top of their lungs. And then there's the privacy issue. I am a very private person, to the extent that even my family hasn't been in my apartment and I've lived here for over a year. I have to trust someone a LOT to let them in my apartment and kids just come in and start going through your purse, closets, looking under the bed, pulling out drawers, etc. I can't stand it. I used to have a friend whose brother-in-law would come to visit for A MONTH at a time with his wife and 3 kids. He was in the Army, so would have long leaves. They had a baby and my friend was expected to change the baby's diapers, do all the housework, wash all their clothes, do all the cooking, etc. She blew up at them one time and told them they were going to have to AT LEAST change their baby's diapers! Their response was: "We're on vacation! We're not doing anything!" She finally told them they were going to have to go on vacation somewhere else! They got mad and left and don't speak to her anymore, which is just fine with my friend. I don't think you are having an adverse affect from the Effexor. I think you are having an adverse affect because those people won't control their kid! I would definitely have a calm discussion with Pam about it. Something needs to be done because if hurricanes this year are the way they were last year, these people will be back. I'm with Sandy too....get the basement where they can stay down there more. Of course, if it were like any kids I've ever seen, they would all be in there with you, no matter where you were or how pleasant you had made the basement for them. I do the hermit thing for the most part and stay to myself more than anyone I know. I have been called "a hermit" by so many people. I have one friend from my childhood who always tells me I need to seek psychiatric help for "my problem." Well, I get psychiatric help all the time and the general consensus is that if I enjoy my own company, that is not a bad thing. I personally think that people who need to have tons of people around them all the time, who can't stand their own company need psychiatric help, but I wouldn't be so rude as to tell them that. I was this way even when I was thin, but much more since I've become heavy. Everywhere I go, strangers, friends, family all look at me with disapproval because of my weight. Who the hell would want to go out and be subjected to that when they can be at home with books, fabric, television and the internet? I enjoy my own company. I can take crowds in small doses...a few hours for a family reunion, lunch with friends (especially if there's gonna be cheese dip,) Wal-Mart makes me nuts, but it's something that has to be done...you know what I mean. But loud people in my apartment...nope, can't deal with it. Anyway, just wanted to add my sentiments that you were not out of line by not being happy in that situation. Not everyone in the world is "Aunt Bee," and even she got flustered on occasion! On the other hand, you can take some comfort in the fact that they don't live with you all the time! That would be awful! Love you, Joni

GIRL I CAN RELATE I CAN RELATE I CAN RELATE My MOM and my GRANDMOTHER and the DOG and the CAT and ME and BILLYE were ALL held up in a TINY 2bdrm apt for TWO DAYS and THREE NIGHTS Grrrrrrrrrrrrr My mom lives in a mobile home, and they had no where to go... On day THREE when they left, all hell broke loose, tempers flared, pent up tensions exploded... needless to say, I moved out, and I'm living with B now Don't worry, sleep will come eventually. I could stay up day and night if I wanted to, but I have to force myself to sleep for a few hours still waking up during the night or having bad dreams, etc love ya (((((((((((hugs))))))))) things will get better ok? Beth