Mental Breakdown Bonus...

I had the worst day I've had in a long time yesterday -- Got up having a pity party (which I posted about yesterday morning) -- and the day went downhill from there! Called the school because there was a hold on my registering for classes next term to find out that since I dropped my classes last term following the wreck and the subsequent BS that followed, that my deferral status changed all the way back to January (I dropped the classes in April) and put me 6 months into default on my student loans by the time the school got around to sending out the notice 2 weeks ago. When I called to get it all straightened out, the school told me that the only way to clear the account was to pay it in full ($8,200.00) before I could register for classes next term. Also, they had sent my account to collections, so I had to deal with another company. I called the Collection Agency -- they are working to get that student loan consolidated by a student loan financing company, which may or may not take it since it is currently in default -- and even if they do take it, it may take up to 60 days (which is too late to register for classes this coming up term). There is a possibility that it could take a shorter amount of time -- then there's the possibility that it still won't go through in time. So that SUCKS! The icing on the cake -- I have to pay $800.00 up front - which I really don't have and am ready to scream about - but that's another story -- although I think can get that part handled in the next 1.5 months - I'm fairly sure of it. So I go out to dinner with Bill - DID NOT drink but decided after I dropped him off that I would go to the local haunt for a single drink before I headed home. I no more walk in the bar when I run into my friend Gloria and she says "I'm ready to go home... take me home!" I look at her and say, "Gloria, I just got here -- can I have one drink first?" -- she says "I'm ready to go now... do I look like I'm having fun?!" So I ask what's going on -- and she says "nothing, I'm just tired" - so I ask how she got there, and she tells me she rode with Jennifer - and when I ask, "where's Jennifer" - she says "She's out on the dance floor with Lui - she doesn't want to go yet!" So I tell her I'll take her home (I know what it's all about -- she's been lying to me all week and I've sensed it, but never said anything -- she hooked Jennifer up with Lui and didn't want me to know about it -- which is just stupid!) Jennifer has *****ed/cried/whined to me about random emotions this past week, and I've been supportive of her -- but I knew where it was stemming from and she wouldn't come out and say it -- but I knew she'd met Lui and she claimed she'd not (she knows the "history" there -- but what she didn't realize is that Gloria had told me the 3 of them had gone on the weekend I was up in South Carolina -- so I knew they'd met -- and I know Jennifer - clingy, needy, and has to have a man to validate her existence) -- so I blew her off and hadn't spoken with her since because the one thing that will quickly get you exiled out of my life is lying to me. Anyway -- Gloria goes to tell the two of them she's leaving -- and I follow her -- and Jennifer and Lui are making out on the dance floor -- as soon as Jennifer sees me - she acts as if she's my best friend and a start hugging my neck - and Lui is obviously uncomfortable. I smiled, waved, and another friend came up next to me and started talking, so I managed to divert from the situation at hand for the moment. Anyway - me and Gloria leave - as soon as we hit the car, Helmut calls -- Montgomery is a no go and he tells me he's leaving the states next Friday. We stay on the phone for a couple of minutes - I tell him I'll talk to him tomorrow (which is now today) and turn to Gloria and say "Gloria - tell me the truth -- what's going on?" She says, "nothing, I'm just tired." I look at her and say, "you've been a very good friend to me up until this point. The one thing I really can't stand is to second guess my friends or their loyalty -- I'll ask you again, what the **** is going on?" Again, she says, "nothing -- really, I just don't want you or Lui to feel awkward around each other -- maybe I shouldn't be playing referee - but, you know.. you are kind of outspoken..." So I look at her and ask "and just what are you expecting me to say? Does he have a problem with me? Is it him who's avoiding me? Or is it you playing merry matchmaker again for your friend Jennifer and you don't want me to know?" She doesn't answer -- so I just keep driving... I know the answer; she doesn't have to say it.. she's introduced him to Jennifer -- it's her. The funny thing - I really don't care who Lui is dating -- Helmut makes Lui look like **** on the bottom of my shoe -- but that does not mean I would not be civil - I liked him as a person. So we get to her house -- and for someone who was so "tired" and wanting to go home - she wouldn't get out of my car. At that point, I really didn't have anything else to say to her -- and the knife she was twisting in my back was really becoming a very sore spot. The longer I sat there, the madder I got and finally told her -- "Gloria, I love you -- but I hate being lied to and I hate for people to waste my time. Please get out of my car - I'm going home." So she's been burning up my phone all day today, but honestly -- I cannot speak with her rationally right now, so I've not answered. Helmut called this morning and I finally snapped -- I broke down crying telling him that I didn't care that Gloria had introduced Jennifer to Lui - I didn't care if Lui was screwing all of Montgomery -- what I cared about was my friend (which "friends" are rare, acquaintances are many) had lied to me, broke my trust, broke my loyalty, and I was feeling very betrayed and let down. Told him about the BS with school, the discouragement about the job search - basically everything -- I was a sobbing mess! He called me about 4 to check on me - and told me he spoke with his boss and is going to take a week vacation to come down here July 15-24th before he has to return to New York to finish out his job (so instead of going home to Germany for his vacation - he's coming here). I'm grateful to see him, but feel a bit guilty that I'm taking him away from his boys at home -- but then again, he's only in the US temporarily -- he'll soon return home permanently. How's that for "support"??? God I so love him! I really don't know what I'm going to say to Gloria when I speak to her again -- or if I will even speak to her again -- but I do know this has now changed everything. Once the trust and loyalty of friendship has been broken, it's rare that it is ever fixed, and I tend to sever those ties. I'll remain civil - and I'll remain supportive - but I will no longer go out of my way to be a friend. That may be very wrong of me - but that's the price of dishonesty. I hate being lied to more than anything in this world -- and she knew it.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGZ!}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Seems we all have been having bad days today. Bless your heart, nothing hurts worse or cuts deeper than being betrayed by a FRIEND *****ally is simply sticking the knife in deeper and twisting it. That is not a friend, she says your "outspoken" what she really means is she is scared ****less to tell you the TRUTH. You dont come across to me a physically violent person at all however Im sure the tongue can cut deeper than a sword! She is afraid of what you will say, and she knows she has screwed up big time, and now just wants to smoothe things over, and salvage the friendship if she can. Once the trust is broken, the relationship can never be the same wheter it is girlfriends or significant others and boyfriends. Once a liar, always a liar. Betrayal does hurt, no matter who is sticking it to ya, it hurts. Dont feel guilty over Helmut, he is a grown man, making his own decisions and he loves ya girlie or he wouldnt be making the arrangements to spend the time with you. Your right, once he is home, he is there so enjoy the time you do get to have together. If it is meant to be, destiny does have a way of placing you both together when you need each other the most. You never know what the future holds so enjoy it to the limit as long as you can and savor each and every day.Hope tomorrow is a better day. Sandy

Man, that's a lot of crap to deal with at once. Maybe this is fate's way of telling you not to register for school because you'll be in Germany next semester. Don't feel ANY guilt about Helmut. When he is back in Germany, he will see his kids all the time...maybe not vacation time, but he does seem them on weekends or whatever, right? So don't worry about that at all. It's not like this is the only time he will have to see them and it IS the only time you will see him...until you move to Germany. And don't worry about Gloria. You'll make lots of new friends in Germany. (I'm trying to marry you off, can you tell?) I'm usually against marriage and think all men are idiots and jerks, but I'm liking this Helmut and he sure is some eye candy! Hang in there. I know life is overwhelming at times...most times, but you're young, gorgeous, intelligent, creative, caring, wonderful and you have the love of a good man and all of us. And a wonderful future as a hausfrau in Deutschland! Love you, Joni