When it rains... it pours..

I found out yesterday that Helmut will be back in the US on Sunday (albeit in New York) and that Lui will be here next week (in Alabama). I met a guy a couple of weeks ago who will leave on July 7 for the Ukraine (American - he works for the U.S. Department of Energy) and then my brother's friend is asking me out again (the only true "local"). Granted, I get asked out frequently - but rarely do I find men *****ally spark an interest. Needless to say, Lui is out of the picture (hands down -- he lied -- he's married and just had his 2nd child a couple of months ago [I found this out through a girl who has become a very good friend of mine recently]), Helmut will be in New York (and who knows for how long), Larry (DOE) leaves in a couple of weeks -- that leaves Ricky (my brother's friend). Any one of these guys would bend over backwards for me (although I do not ask it of any of them) and each are very protective of me (especially my brother's friend -- not sure if that is out of respect for my brother, or just his way). I find myself feeling rather ambivilent. There are ambitions that I wish to pursue (out of this state, and possibly out of this country) and really do not wish to get close to any of them. Helmut was, is, and will always be a very close friend to me first - and I love that man for the person he is not only to me, but everyone. But even my attachment to him has been held at a distance because I knew he was only "temporary" from the day I first met him. That "detachment" afforded us both an opportunity to have fun and enjoy all that life had laid before us - but even while I was with him, I knew his contract could end at any moment or that I could get a job offer that would take me away. Larry is not an issue. As I said, I met him recently, he leaves shortly, and I will undoubtedly not see him again once he's gone. He's very interesting, intelligent, and knowledgable (albeit, he should be -- he's 26 years older than me [which he lied about -- he told me when we first met that he was 50 (15 years older than me)]). He is the classic Type-A (anal) personality (I'm Type B - "well rounded"). When I say I will be somewhere until "around" a certain hour, he's either calling 15 minutes before I said I would leave, or right on the hour to tell me he is waiting in my driveway for me to get home (when I never "invited" him to come over in the first place). If I say I'm going out with friends, he calls to see when I'm going to be home -- and this annoys me to no end! Ricky bothers me though. As I said before, he is a friend of my brother's. He shows up at the house to see my brother frequently and I never know when to expect him. He first asked me out a couple of months ago - but didn't call to follow up on having asked me out. He called me last week to see if I wanted to meet him for dinner 30 minutes later (which I was out at the movies with Larry at the time and had to decline) - then called yesterday right before I left work to ask me out again (to which I canceled with Larry to go). I've been interested in him since I first met him back in November last year -- although he was dating someone at the time. Anyway -- he is such a doll -- although from our date last night, I can tell he is looking for someone to settle down with and take care of (he's co-dependent). He has been **** on by his ex-wife - but the funny thing, he would have taken her back and completely forgiven her if she would have returned. Truly one of the last "nice guys" left on this earth. So what bothers me? I certainly wouldn't want to hurt him (he's been hurt enough), I don't need anyone to take care of me (extremely independent), not sure I really ever want to "settle down" (especially not in Alabama), and the fact that he is a friend of my brother's (even as much as I ***** about my brother, I love him and wouldn't want to hurt him either). But this man draws me like a moth to a flame. When I think of Ricky, his situation, his personality, etc. -- there is a girl that I met about a month ago that keeps coming to mind. She's a good girl, although at the moment a bit wacked in the head because her ex-husband cheated on her. Would it be wrong of me to introduce them? Would they even be attracted to each other (I know she would be to him - he's a real beef cake - probably 5'11, 265, and solid muscle - gorgeous!) Granted, I like him a lot as a person and have a great deal of respect for him - and god knows I find him attractive -- but seriously, our "goals" in life are at opposing poles. I think it would be even more crappy of me to string him on knowing what I know - but I also wouldn't want to put him in a situation that would screw him over like he's been screwed over in the past. Sitting there talking to him last night - all I could see was this girls name written all over him - their situations would mesh - their personalities would mesh - and their wound licking would me****hink she'd be good to him and I know he would be good to her... am I psycho for wanting to pass up on such a catch? Would you find it offensive if you were attracted to a man and he introduced you to one of his friends because you weren't suited for one another?? I really don't want to insult him - as I said, I really like him... but know our situations are on opposite axis. So what would you guys do??

Wow......you like World Travelers don't ya??? If it were me, I would just let Ricky down gently but not introduce him to the girlfriend......I learned the hard way about trying to fix friends up! I got myself into a really uncomfortable situation when one of them cheated on the other and I swore I would never do it again (and I havent ) Be true to yourself; follow your dreams and things will be exactly as they should be. I hope you have a great Friday! Kim

I agree with Kim...let Ricky go. If the two of you are not suited for one another, then it would be a mistake to let things go on. Even if he's the greatest guy in the world, but the two of you don't mesh, then he's not the right guy for you. As for introducing the two of them, I wouldn't do that either. Even though their personalities might mesh, and they've dealt with some painful things lately...they both need some time for healing. I've been that girl who was wacked in the head because her husband cheated on her...you don't get over that kind of stuff quickly. It took years of healing and learning that I did have value and to love myself...and then I met Mike, who was the first person who was as good to me as I tried to be to him. We're both individuals and we have our own likes and dislikes...some things we do together, some things we do separately, but we're not intimidated or self conscious about things if we don't spend all our time together. You are on a journey in your life right now. You're not sure where your path is going to take you, and you're aware of that and considerate enough of other people that you don't want to mislead anyone if a relationship isn't going to go anywhere. I think that's a very good thing...you're being honest with yourself and with them. Becky

Heavens to Betsy! If I were Ricky, and I had a "feelings", "crush", "puppy love" or just liked the hell outta ya, my feelings would be very hurt if you tried to fix me up with someone else, if I was aware of it. I would probably ignore the other person you were trying to fix me up with, no matter how nice or how good of a person they were and just move on. However since you want to remain a free spirit and do not want to settle down, then all I can say is throw a BBQ, invite em both and if the chemistry is there, they will mesh. In this environment of a group it wont look like your trying to fix em up, just a friendly BBQ or get together, if the powers that be feel they should become a couple then it will happen. Love, Sandy