New...and confused....

Hey everybody...hope everybody is having a good Wed. morning so far. I don't post much...mostly because I just got out of school and things during the last week have been crazy. I've been reading the posts...and I know that a lot has happened. I don't know the details...and I don't really need to. I know human nature...and I know how people can be. I've seen many under the guise of christianity and other things put the good front up and then go and do horrible things in the background. I post occasionally to the BB...I'm completely new and have been looking for support. I attended the picnic in Anniston...it was good to meet people, but I still felt like an outsider. My goal...and hope...is to find support as I continue my research and make a decision. I think that no matter where you go, there are going to be cliques of one type or another. I'm not judging...I just know that within any group, there are going to be groups that hang together. As I said before, part of that is human nature...some people are just hateful, scheming, and ugly to others sometimes. If I can't find support here...I'm not sure where else to go. I know that I'm coming in late so to speak...that a lot of the crap has been going on for a long time. I know that I'm only one person, but for us newbies...please give us some hope that there is a place we can go and have support. Staci, thanks for your notes...I would definitely like us to get together sometime. Becky L.

Welcome Becky! You will not be judged by anyone here.....We all at some time or another have felt like outsiders on the BB for one reason or another or just plain got fed up with the "crap". I'm glad you are here and look forward to getting to know you! Kim

Hey Kim! Thanks for your note. I look forward to getting to know you too! Becky

Becky, you can find support here. Some of us have been busy with work and I personally do not always check my mail or messages, sometimes for days so it may take me a while to respond. I have felt like an outsider so I do know how that feels and I cant understand why anyone would do that to another person knowing they too have traveled the same road. I just hope if I am lucky to make goal, I NEVER treat another person as I have been made to feel just from a select few on that other board. Did they loose brain cells as they lost weight? Just makes me wonder. Elspeth

Hey Elspeth! I've often wondered the same thing....if people lose brain cells as they lose weight ..... and must admit that as I shrink, I find myself looking at other people more critically- not in judgement but I want to reach out to them and tell them how much better life CAN BE! I thank God every day for the gift of this tool, my skilled Surgeon (who is the best in the business -just mho, of course), the great people here who lift me up no matter what, my loving partner who fell in love with me at my heaviest and NEVER judged me, and believe it or not-my insurance company who approved me for WLS in just 5 days! I have two very close friends who've had WLS, one is my 'BEST' friend for 10 years . She's been a huge success, lost 175 pounds and her life is great. My other friend has had 'so - so' success. Lost about 100 pounds but has gained some back. When we were all fat, we were together constantly....we all had surgery w/i the same year and have consistently grown apart. That's what I mean about losing brain cells......I would have NEVER thought that we wouldn't support each other through this! We all planned and researched all of this together. We PLANNED to go through it together, but now we maybe all get together once every 3 months. It's weird how you change, not just on the outside, but on the inside as well. Different things become important and Unfortunately, you do lose bonds with some people that were so important to you before (of course, this is ONLY MY EXPERIENCE). Infidelity and divorce rates are higher after WLS.....because the once obese and insecure person has different thought patterns and gains self esteem and security. I'm ramblin now........just some food for thought! Hugs, Kim

Elspeth, I do understand. I sometimes go a couple of days before checking things too. Thanks for replying...I think that sometimes its not a matter of lost brain cells. I think perhaps that those tendencies were there before they lost the weight, but after the wls, with their new found confidence they may feel empowered to take their scheming to new levels, or perhaps just instead of being the one picked on...their the ones doing the picking now. Just some thoughts...your mileage may differ. I try to look at things from different perspectives...lol...sometimes I'm just crazy. Becky

I tend to agree with that idea. The tendancies have been laying dormat and with the new self confidence they went from sweet and innocent to ***** mode and backstabber in one swoop. Elspeth!

Becky, you can find support here. This is a great group of women. I'm sorry if you have felt like an outsider. Like you said, a lot has gone on and a lot of us have felt betrayed and sad over the things that happened, how people turned on us. So we might not have welcomed you the way we should. We had friends on the BB who we thought would have been there for us no matter what...and they turned on us and back-stabbed us, etc., so we are feeling very sensitive right now and have a lot of trust issues. The people we thought we knew...they were not what we thought they were. They were just pretending to be our friends and we found out they were not. So I imagine we might not have been quick to trust a new person like we normally would. I apologize for that. We are here to support each other through all our weight loss surgery efforts. I have been fighting with my insurance company for several months now and don't know if I will win or not. I know that this is the end of the line for me and this surgery is the only thing that will save me. So I definitely need support. I have found it here with this group of women on this board. We left the BB for various reasons...some people still post there. I have left it completely and don't even go to check and see what's going on anymore. But these women have shown me the love and support that I never got anywhere else. So hang with us and we will try to be better. The people on this board are all varied in our places with the WLS. Some of us are pre-ops, some have just had the surgery and some are old pros. So there's nothing you can come up with that we won't know the answers to...or where to find the answers. We are here for you. Love, Joni

Joni, Thank you...as far as the trust goes...trust is something that is earned over time and I can understand that. I don't expect to have a bond yet as some of you do, because you have been together for some time. I'm enjoying getting to know all of you. I felt that you were supportive of each other...and I felt that I would gain that support in time. I have lots of questions...some that I'm not even sure what they are yet. But I feel that now I have somewhere that I can ask them. Becky

I totally understand that. If I had known what questions to ask in the very beginning, I would have already had the surgery. It was recommended to me a few years ago, when I lived in Florida, but I didn't know what questions to ask. I was told that there was a 2 year waiting period, that the surgery cost $50,000 and that insurance wouldn't pay ANY of it. This was told to me by friends, not by anyone in the business. Had I gone to one of the meetings, I would have found out that I could have had the surgery and that insurance WOULD pay for it. But I didn't know what to ask, so I just put it off. When I had to move back to Alabama and was put on some really worthless insurance, then I found out the truth and then they changed all the rules and made it almost impossible to get approved for the surgery, even with co-morbidities. And here I am with shoddy insurance. But I can't go back, so all I can do is look ahead and hope for the best. We're here for you. Love, Joni