Evenin' Folks!

Hi ya'll! I finally got home from my trip with my friend. I am wiped out. We did a little shopping which meant my standing on my feet too long. Luckily, the place had a sofa where I could go sit and rest. It did have a wheelchair, but I could not get my ass into it and I tried very hard, but there was no way to force it in. The thing was too small. So frustrating. So I am in some extreme pain, but it was well worth it. I had a good time. This is a friend I don't see often, even though we've been friends for 25 years. We used to go out to eat at least once a week, but haven't in a long, long time. We had to fly because she had to be home at 5pm (we made it by 5:30pm, which I feel bad about, but we did the best we could.) Perry, I will join your list, but it might take me until tomorrow. I am just wiped out right now. I don't do too well on other lists because it takes so long to get into them. This list is so easy for me, but if ya'll aren't comfortable on it, I totally understand. I was hoping we could use this one until "they" found us, but if ya'll want to try something else, that's your decision. I do keep getting paranoid about them finding us, but really, what can they do? They're just going to lurk because they are so against me. I'm sure if they knew about us, they would be talking amongst themselves and someone would email me to tattle because these people are two-faced. They are going to play both sides. I'm sure she knows about my name change because she backtracked to look for my old quotes or she saw me on the sex board. We probably should post on the sex board on occasion just in case they are lurking. That's where they will think we are. I love this list because I can just get on it. I just go to the bookmark and here I am. I don't have to click here and click there and enter a password and be told it's an invalid password and then enter my password again and then be given an error report which is what happens every time I try to get in any other group besides this one. I know there are several lists going and I can't keep up with all of them. It's all too confusing to me. In the meantime, so many people from the BB are emailing me wanting to know where I am and asking me to come back and I don't know what to tell these people because I don't know who is in cahoots with who. Randall emailed me and we have always gotten along, but yet he posted that he had never seen Carolyn~ be anything but supportive, caring and loving and HE KNOWS the hell she has put me through, the hate mails she has sent me, the hate mails she has sent other people about me. He knows all this and yet he says he has never seen her be anything but supportive, caring and loving. I don't think I can email him without telling him he's a liar. And I don't want to do that because I have always loved him. So I'm confused about everything. I'm just overwhelmed with everything in my life right now and I need your support here. So if you do all go off to other lists, I hope you will still come back here and check on me on occasion because I need you. I will try to keep up with all the other lists other people have started, but I can hardly keep up with my life as it is. If I can muster up any energy at all to wash my dishes, for example, then I'm in the bed crying because I am in so much pain afterwards and my doctor says, "We don't prescribe pain meds in this practice," which is just a fancy way of saying, "I don't care if you are in pain or not." Anyway, I'm a bit overwhelmed at the moment. Partly because I went out with my friend today and was gone about 6 hours which is a long trip for me with the walking, etc., that we did. But I needed to get out...spiritually I needed to get out of this apartment. Physically, I just want to lie in the bed. And it's frustrating knowing that the only chance I have to get out of pain is WLS and the insurance will make me wait until my knees are completely destroyed. I feel like they are keeping in touch with the doctors, saying ok, when you are absolutely sure that her knees are disintegrated to the point that she will have to have both of them replaces, then our work is done and she can have the surgery, but if there is any chance that she can have the surgery now and save her health....no, we will not allow that. Does anyone know....does Carolyn~ work for Aetna? That would certainly explain the hell they are putting me through. Ok, loves, I am off of here. I am going to watch ALL MY CHILDREN on SoapNet from 7pm-8pm and then I am going to collapse in the bed, if I can last that long. I had to miss AMC at the normal time since I was gone and I know if I miss it at 7pm that THIS WILL BE THE DAY that something excited happens. Erica is about to get married for the 10th time and since I have "been" to the previous 9 weddings, I think I should be at the 10th one too, especially since she is marrying my sweet Jackson Montgomery. Hugs and Kisses, Love, Joni PS: Dixie and Lindy, I did find my way back to the highway today. I can't believe I got lost going to my long-time friend's house.

Hey girl. Glad you made it back home! So sorry that you are hurtin. Love ya!!

Hi Joni! I am so glad you got out of the house and spent some quality time with your friend. It does the soul good to get out and laugh! I am sorry that it takes so much out of you to do that though. I hope soon you will be on your way to a healthier life through WLS. As far as posting on another board, I am with you, I can't keep up with the two I am posting on now. If eveyone wants to move that is fine with me but I am with you lets just hang here. If anyone knows we were here I think it would be all over the AL board by now. Just my opinion, I could be wrong, it wouldn't be the first time. Let us know how the wedding was! All My Love, Gail

Hey Joni, Im glad you had a chance to get out with your friend today. Im sorry you are in so much pain. If it is any consolation, you are not alone! Im having some significant pain in my right foot.......OMG, it feels like it is broken, which I know it isnt. The sharpest, continuous pain I have ever felt in my life. Ive been off arthritis meds for 6 weeks now and I know it is arthritic inflammation. Besides, rain is heading our way and that always makes it worse. All I have is Tylenol for pain, and it sux! Im going to have to call my rheumatologist and he is going to have to give me some pain meds or he will be committing me one when I go postal on him! My pcp sux too. My original one went to Mississippi. His replacement does not believe in drugs. He tells me to go swimming for depression, it will help.. Yeah right! if worse comes to worse you can always go to the ER. If I cant get an appointment soon, and this keeps up, I will be heading there myself. I will still be n there. Its easy when I keep 2 windows open...to go back n forth...LOL... Hate to rush but pain hitting again, will see you all in the morning.. Love, Sandy

Hi Sweetie! So sorry you're hurting too. What IS it with doctors and pain meds????? I totally understand that some people abuse them, but when someone has a legitimate pain, I don't see why they can't address it. Swimming for depression...well, I think you should just pack that doctor up, go beat him up until he's very depressed and then pitch him in the river and yell, "Ok SWIM! Do YOU feel BETTER now????" Ok, I feel better now after writing out that little fantasy scenario. I'm going to bed again myself. Love you, Joni

Yeah, I am shopping for a new pcp. I miss my old one, this new one is a JERK! he does not like to give out prescriptions for ANYTHING! My old one wrote me scripts for 60 Ultram at once. I have to pay 50 bucks a script wheter it is 2 pills or 200 pills, the co pay is the same. He writes them for 10 pills at a time and NO I do not get those filled. I will when they write them for a significant amount. Im shopping for a new pcp, Im tired of hurting and getting smart ass answers to my questions. He is also very anti WLS. Im glad I got my refferal from the old one before he left town. The new one just says you can do this IF you want too. I want to strangle him. Im not hurting tonight. I did not walk but a 1/4 mile tonite. Just dont have the energy to pu**** but will make it up somehow this weekend. Take care and have a great nite! Love, Sandy

Oh Joni!!! (((((((((BIG HUG)))))))))).......I'm lifting you up to the stars in my thoughts and prayers because that's what you are to me.......you are a bright shining star and still my HERO for bringing us all here. This is the only board that I am posting on now. I like small, intimate groups of friends and I think (and hope) that is what we are all becoming here.....So, I don't begrudge anyone who needs more support from other places, but as for me.......you are stuck with me!! I hope you are feeling better this morning. Hugs, Kim

Thank you! You are so sweet! Thank you for lifting me up so much and making me feel good about myself! You're the best! I think I may feel better tomorrow. I've just been resting today. I love you! I love this board! Life is good! Love, Joni