ANOREXIA...

Hello Everyone, I am not really new to this site. Actually, I had my surgery 17 months ago and achieved goal without a problem. But, once I got to goal, even though I may have looked thin, I still wanted to lose more, and I became addicted to seeing the losses. I am now underweight - but not because of the surgery, its because I severely restrict my calories. I don't resent the surgery at all - it saved me. But, I was recently diagnosed with Anorexia, and I am now seeing a therapist and I am under treatment. According to my surgeon, Anorexia can occur in a very small percentage of post WLS patients who achieve great success with their surgeries, but for some reason or another, become addicted with weight loss, body image, and food control. I was totally shocked to come to the realization that I was one of these people when I went to the doctor for another illness, that I was causing myself by not eating. The reason I am writing this is because I am looking for others who may have experienced this kind of problem. I have so many questions. In truth, I am a well-established and respected member of ObesityHelp, and I purposefully created this new fake profile to log in with, so that nobody would know who I really was. I am so ashamed of this problem. Everyone who knows me on ObesityHelp thinks of me as a very successfull post-op, who has surpassed their goal weight, and is very active in ObesityHelp. I must admit, I look so terrific when I am clothed, but naked, my ribs and back bone stick out. I can honestly say that I have caused myself to lose too much weight, but just knowing about the problem doesn't fix it, which is why I am secretly in therapy now. Any insight would be great - I would really like to share this with someone who is having similar problems. Thanks much, Justa Mann

I read your post early this morning at work but could not reply back to you from my office. I have thought about you all day. I almost think I can guess who you are but I could be wrong. My heart just goes out to you. I'm very glad that you are seeing your medical doc and getting therapy as well. Do the hard work to get well in every way. Food issues are about more than just our stomachs, they involve our hearts and minds too. I know that when I was banded I faced some difficult days as I could no longer comfort myself with food.I began to think alot about what true freedom is. Freedom from what, and freedom for who? I wish that you felt safe being who you really are and letting us know about this issue. I think you are indeed a well respected member of this forum and people do look up to you. You have been a great help of others and selfless in your encouragement to them. It may be that by lettimg us know the real man behind the struggle we can help you now, and this will also help others of us to learn from your experience. You have the support of many, and I hope that they have responded to you. Perhaps for today you can take a page out of the AA book and learn the serenity prayer and keep it in your heart. Keep the faith!

I'm glad to see your post. I am 13 months post-op and I am currently 17 pounds below goal (110). I was supposed to stop at 127, but I kept losing, and now I, too am addicted to the loss process. I am in size 4 and 6 clothes, and I like that. My therapist has recommended that I join his anorexia group, and I have attended a couple of sessions, but I am having a hard time accepting that I am now at the opposite end of the weight issue. I had (and still do have) problems eating many foods. I am nauseous almost daily, and for no reason that any of the doctors can determine. They just tell me that some people end up with constant nausea after wls. While I would love the opportunity to live without this nausea, it has become a comfort almost. It keeps me from eating. I am currently working to eat 1000 calories a day, but often I end up with 600-750. That combined with malabsorption leads to very few actual calories ingested. I have been better about taking my vitamins and supplements. I fight the constant praise from others about how I look. I find it strange that I had to get down to this weight before people started to comment on how fabulous I look. Makes me realize how "thin" oriented our society really is!! No one said anything to me when I was 125 and looking pretty healthy. Now I'm boney, and I'm suddenly "glamorous." Really works on a woman's head! I have been an obese person my entire life, with one short stint at normal size when I was in my late twenties and involved with cocaine use. Otherwise, I've never seen myself this size because I've never been this size!! What are you doing to try to counteract the effects of anorexic thinking? Anything yet? I hope we get a good response. This is an issue that is not raised often at the conventions, and while it makes me feel like I'm shoving my weight loss in some people's faces, I do think it warrants serious consideration.

I used to be anorexic in my early 20's. Refused to eat anything and got down to 115lbs. I always wonder in the back of my mind if I can become anorexic once again and it kind of scares me. I'm finding myself fascinated with how easy it is to just bring up my food without even trying since my WLS. I used to make myself throw up and abuse diet pills, laxatives and what ever would help me keep my weight off. I used to take up to 20 or more diet pills a day. Walked to and from work as I knew it would keep the weight down. I agree that nobody touches on this subject to much on OH. Donna

This will be the first time I decide to post or respond to these issues. I have lost 96 pounds and want to lose another 70. This will take me from a miserable 283 to 117. My goal is 117. When I was a teenager, I lived at a orphanage for 10 years. Everyone of my older sisters are huge. I was able to keep skinny during my teenage years because at Hillcrest we had three meals a day and two snacks. If you did not eat a meal or a snack that was too bad. As a result I was able to maintain a weight of 105 pounds until I got pregnant at 17 with my first son. When I gave birth to him I weighed over 180 lbs. What a shock to my system. I attempted to lose the weight but went into starvation mode and that caused me to stop losing the weight and basically I got depressed and continued to get pregnant and gain more. There is a lot of emotional baggage there that I am dealing with now. I have always been a very picky eater even though I gained over 170 lbs since the birth of my 4 children. Ages 17, 16, 15, 13. I did not lose the weight after having each of my children. Now that I have lost 96 lbs and even though I do feel better and look better and have not been under 200 lbs for 17 years, I am not happy or satisfied. I keep thinking I will be happier and satisfied once I have reached goal weight. I have found that I am making myself throw -up which is another eating disorder known as beluima (spelled wrong). This scares me and makes me extremely anxious because all I want after getting to 117 is to be active, happy and NORMAL. My therapist has asked me what I want out of life and I have told her that all I want is to be NORMAL. I am not sure what that means. I guess my advice to you is to admit you have a problem, which you have done. Next, deal with the problem head on and learn what is causing the problem. I am an emotional eater and therefore am trying to identify what is going on with me and why I feel the way I do or act the way I do. It is not easy but you are on the right path to being healthy. Take care of yourself and if you ever want to just talk. Feel free to email me at any time. Donna in Indiana

That darn pride thing....I hear you, and hope you find your path. I had my surgery May 16th and hide from my doctor and family ( That darn pride thang!) I dont eat really and can't ****hoose not to because it tastes like death ) drink the protein and have a hard time with getting in water. I started 320 and I am now 264. I cant really see the loss. My clothes are a little loose, I must have worn them tight.... I am not really ever hungry. I dont have your issue but am afraid I am working twards it. I really hope you find the answers you need to. Ever need to just dump on a stranger, feel free!!!

I know how you feel because my doc. thinks I'm heading down that path but I really don't think I am and she saids I'm in denial. I do have a wieght I want to stay at and I watch the scale so I don't gain at all. I do see myself as heavy even thou I'm 127lbs I want to stay at 125 but she said not to listen to my head and to let her be my eyes sense I still see big me. It's a hard road at times and apart of my brain has to start facing reality. I'm told not to look at old pictures of myself but to start hanging new ones up so my brain can start seeing how I really look.It's hard but we can all get through it. Best of luck