Reaching out for help

I just stumbled on to this site and became a member, I have clothes in my closet ranging from size  10 to 20.  I have struggled with this food thing all of my life.  I have had several moments when I thought that I had the whole thing figured out.  I am not depressed, my life is good, I am so blessed with many things but I can't kick this food problem.  I waigh 245 pounds, my knees hurt so badly its hard to walk.  I know how to eat, I know how to lose weight. I have lost and gained weight more times i my life than I can remember.  I am 41 years old and I am the one who gives advice to friends, I am the shoulder that people lean on and I can't conquer this one thing.  i am a smart person who behaves no differently than a crack addict when it comes to food and evey time I start out o a Monday and I think I have this thing behind me- two or three weeks later I am back  overeating and I don't know why. I don't know why.  I don't want a surgery I need help-

Ah, my long lost twin.  You should probably see a food addictions counselor.  Something is being stoked by food.   There are two books you need to read Miss Smarty Pants (said with a wink, not a tude.)  The first is Anatomy of a Food Addict.  Many of us find it along our journey.   If you read it you may see some commonality in your situation to that of a crack addict; as far as the brain and hormones are concerned.   This surgery fixes our diseases through our bellies but not our head and all the emotions and discriminations that have shaped our personalities as we've become fat people that now need surgery.   We can't figure out why, if we KNOW what to do, why we can't do it.  The book explains some of the why.  And, it not lack of willpower!

Most of us fatties are nurturers that everyone else comes to to be fixed or to listen but we don't take the necessary steps to put ourselves first and fix ourselves.   How many people REALLY listen to YOU about your frustration with your weight?  The second book is Beck's diet solution.   It's not a diet book but a thinking person's book.  That might help you get in touch with your eating whys.   Even after having surgery some have found we needed Cognitive Therapy to help us through.  Even after all the weighing and measuring of the first 6 mos. is over and new good habits are taking shape, we STILL need structure and reminding on a daily basis of every little thing going in our mouths and going on around us that makes us want to eat or distracts us.  

WLS is complicated and yet simple at the same time.   You must be number 1 to yourself (that's hard!).  You must answer your body's nutritional needs (not wants) first and always.  You must find your own level of mental comfort after you've established your new physical habits.  Change is tough and WLS is all change so you must be open to "whatever".  It is harder to fix the head and you must be open to exploring that or ultimately you will have a rough time with post-op.  The head is always 6 mos. or so behind what you see in the mirror; your mind will play tricks.

The insurance company pays to fix the disease end of things; that's in their own interest.  Yes, your knees will feel better.  Then again, they may still need surgery later down the line.  You won't know til you get the fat off.  Certainly they will feel bony at some point and rub together and hurt.  You'll be able to walk long distances and it will become a necessity to do so to keep losing, are you willing to become an exerciser?  It's easy to say you don't do it now for pain reasons than it is to do it day in and day out in reality when you have people pulling on you to do something they deem more "fun" with that timeslot.  

The divorce rate for this surgery is much higher than for ordinary folks.   Most agree if you had a solid marriage before it might survive but a rocky one will probably end.  This surgery is hard on spouses and family that don't want to accept changes.  Some people gain confidence and find new paths/careers in life and some people drop friendships they've had for 30 years when those folks become threatened by the "new you".   It's a wild, crazy journey and not for the feint of heart.  Do your research.    FYI, the RNY Lap surgery itself was the easiest, least painful and quickest recovery of any surgery I've had (6) in my life.  That's not the part to be afraid of.

Jackie, thank you so much for your reply. I will definetely get htose books.  I guess I have trouble beleiving that I am an "addict" but my behavior does mirror someone who has a problem with drugs or alcohol.  I say all the time I think it would be easier to be addicted to drugs because you can live you life without ever dealing with drugs but you have to deal with food every day and every minute of your life. 
Again I thank you so much for taking the time to reply- Ihave to do this for my son-I have to be around for him. 

I understand also how you feel (we must be triplets) (SEE 100 calorie packs thread)

I too need to get those books.

Jeane

Jackie,

I have been a member of OH for a few years but recently decided to come back and do some reading on the boards, and making a new profile. Even after having surgery 4 1/2 years ago, I still struggle with food addictions. Since this last summer I have put on 20-25 lbs. and am really having a hard time with it all, emotionally. Some I feel is maybe from stress with losing a brother last summer, and my dad having a heart attack, finding out he has cancer etc. I know its my choice to put whatever in my mouth, however I just wanted to say....thank you for posting about the books. I have never heard of them, but hope to get them soon and read! Thanks again! Have a splendid day!

Hugs,
Sherri

Sherri, I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your brother.  I, too, had a bad year with losing loved ones and while I was on fertility drugs and the doc suspects that started it, the emotional upheaval from the deaths definately left me not concentrating on what was going in my mouth and yes, I too, have put 30+lbs. back as of this point.   I am at a loss as to where my mind went.  I don't know how the first 20 came back on and I certainly don't know why I haven't prevented the rest from adding to it.   It's like it isn't the priority anymore but I don't know what is and I don't know how to get that euphoric "I'm losing" feeling back.  I followed every rule and got it all off in the honeymoon period.  I did so well.   The rug got pulled out from under me and I suppose I thought I had a "net" to catch me with the surgery but that has not turned out to be true in my case.   I do not recall ever having desperate feelings for food like I do now so I don't know whether I was an undiagnosed food addict pre-op or this is something new post-op but I don't like it.  I  am taking it one meal, one temptation at a time.    Best of luck to you too.  This can be done.  We will do it and find our "center of the road". 

Hi,

For those of you that have had WLS and are concerned about gaining weight.  I've been there too. 

I gained back about 18 pounds of the original 100 I lost.  So started coming back to these boards and looking for help.

I ended up taking the first phase of the 5 day pouch test and using it as a tool to get back on track.

I have problems with low blood sugar... so didn't progress to the protein only days... but what I'm doing is working for me.

If you haven't tried the 5 day pouch test yet... try it. 

If you stick to it, you'll be amazed at how much better you feel.

V.

Hi There~

I am happy that you are directing people to the 5DPT.
It is such a blessing!!!
I am 2 1/2 years out and since last summer, I hit the 30 pounds gained mark last Thursday and freaked out--FINALLY!!
I began the 5 day pouch test that very day. A week later, I am 10 pounds lighter and am so grateful for the 'jump start.'
I was really floundering.  My eating was out of control.  I couldn't seem to get any direction and I was (not so) slowly turning back into an obese person.
Now, I feel like I have been given another 'second chance.'
I strongly encourage others who are struggling to give this a try.
It is really life-changing.

Good luck and Many Blessings!

Katrina Lopez

highest ever: 249
Pre-op: 242
Lowest (very briefly): 136
Landed for 1+ year: 140ish
Regain: 170
Current: 160 ish

Thank you so much for posting he names of those books! They sound like what I need. I am 6 months out and definitely doing the head hunger thing and trying to keep it under control. Tons of extra stress lately and hit a plateua the last few weeks. I am curently doing the plateau busters diet since I was nibbling on some carbs and cravings were getting out of control. I have been on this for about 4 days, cravings WAY down and the scale has started to move a little down. I am unable to exercise 30 daily, but I do stick to my 45 min/4 day a week  cardio(one of those being a 60 min workout) and 2-3 days/wk wt training (min 20 minutes) due to my work schedule. I also aim for 70 grams of protein per day since that is what th nutritionist recommended. I am looking for good inspiration and explanations of why I want to eat and ways to work through that. I am seeing the psychologist through my doctor a few times before she is done with her fellowship :( to keep things going smooth. Seems to be helping. Good luck to all, I am leaving the plateua buster diet here too for those that are interested.
Sue


Plateau Buster Diet How to break a plateau

#1 - Do this for 10 days to break a plateau

#2 - Drink 2 quarts of water a day

#3 - You must have 45 grams of protein supplement and all your vitamins/minerals supplements each day

#4 - You may consume up to 3 oz of the following high protein foods, 5x a day

beef
pork
chicken
turkey
lamb
fish
eggs
low fat cheese
cottage cheese
plain yogurt or artificially sweetened (?)
peanut butter
beans/legumes

You may also have:

sugar free popsicles
tea or coffee
sugar free soda
sugar free jello
broths/bullion (sp?)
crystal light drinks

#5 - If it's not on the list, you can't have it for 10 days!!!!

#6 - Keep a food diary and try to get up to 30 mins of exercise daily
 

This is my first time on this Forum and just happened to stumble upon it because I  guess I am a slow learner and just figured out recently I am a food addict.  I am going to OA to try and get the mental part thing down.  You might want to google it and find a meeting near you, maybe that would help.  The first meeting I went to I was confused and almost did not return.  I believe that if you do try to go to OA don't make snap judgements and go to atleast 3 meetings before youe decide if its for you or not.

I am post-op RNY and am terrified I will be back where I started, I am 9 1/2 mos post op and have never ever been full.  I weigh and measure everything that goes in body.  The reason I have not been over eating is because I am scared that I will do damage to myself because of the surgery.

-Char