Self-hate, food addiction, rambling.

I am only 7 months post op and can already see myself falling into the old bad habits. I told myself I wasn't going to let this happen, but here it is....happening. I have not gained any weight, but I have quit losing. I have about 15-20 pounds left to lose.

I am finding myself hating what I do, what I eat, EVERYTHING. I am disgusted with the fact that I am out of control. I am wondering if I am a food addict or just stupid. I grab food when I am not hungry. I am eatting the right things, but feel like I eat way too much of them.

So....this is just a rambling. I am just disgusted that I can eat this much this soon after surgery. What is wrong with me?

I am right there w/ you. I am nine months out and have about 3 lbs to lose and find myself eating things  that I shouldn't. I will allow myself a spoonful here and there and then the self-loathing starts...it is a HORRIBLE cycle that I need to break. 

Yeah, i have that "self loathing" bad. I actually eat the right things, just too much of it. I can eat a BIG salad w/ egg, meat, and cheese on it. It is a salad, but I can eat ALL of it no problem. I see the egg, cheese, and meat as protein, but it is alot of calories, too.

Take a deep breath.   This is totally normal behavior at 7-9 mos. out.   Your carb monster is awakening.  Salad is 90% water, of course you can eat a huge one, it is a slider food and going right through.  Practice the GOOD habits you have started, do them ONE MEAL AT A TIME.   Read the Rules of the Pouch.   Now is the time to be drying up your proteins.  You want to feel them in your pouch and you will naturally eat less of a piece of dry steak or dry chicken than you would an egg or cheese.   Especially stick to an exercise plan.   If you are going to go into a transfer addiction, let it be exercise.   

Jackie...THANK YOU SO MUCH! You totally made me feel better and like I am not the only one going through this. I have been exercising and am glad of that. I feel the "carb monster" strong at times. So, what are the BEST foods?

For breakfast I eat two eggs and halfa piece of dry whole wheat toast. Lunch will be chicken, tuna or salad in a flax seed wrap or flax pita. snacks are always cheese sticks or a protein and dinner is almost always a chicken based meal or tilapia or another salad w/ meat on it. Dessert is a SF jello pudding cup or some special k 90 calorie crackers w/ light laughing cow cheese on them. If i am out and about i will get a 4 piece nugget or cup of beans from taco bell.

If going to a Chinese restaurant I eat steamed shrimp or fish. Mexican restaurant i get refried beans and eat some of my hubby's fajita chicken. Never any chips, rice, or tortillas, etc.

Please critique (Offer alternatives to, etc.) this menu!!!!! I want to do the right things.

Actually, it sounds like you have a very diversified diet which is good.   I am assuming you are only eating 2-3oz of each of these things at a pop.   You do eat carbs - the beans, wraps, crackers and pita are going to wake up the monster.   Try not to eat any carbs first thing in the morning.  Always have protein only.  Maybe cut out that toast or move it to later in the day.   The sooner you eat a carb in the morning the more you will want throughout the day.   You only have 15 or so left to lose so yes, you are going to slow down or stall, maybe for quite a long while.  Cardio is good but weight lifting is better for increasing your metabolism.   That might keep you in a stall or even put a couple lbs. on but down the long road you'll lose inches and then eventually that 15 pounds and it will stay off because you've increased the metabolism.  Keep up the good work, you're doing fine ;-)

Thanks for the info about carbs in the morning. I will try to get rid of them. :) I actually LOVE weight lifting. I have been doing it for about 4 months now. I don't see much as far as muscles, but I can tell it makes a difference in me.

There is nothing wrong with you! You are human. I'm almost 7 months and I am having the same problem. My biggest problem has always been snacking. I looove chips and dip in front of the t.v. and homemade tortilla chips with 6 layer Mexican dip. I have some of that dip in the fridge as I write this.

I tell myself as I'm pulling the food out of the refrigerator, but I still do it. I love the taste of food. I had my second fill about 6 weeks ago, and when I went in the staff told me that I was doing an excellent job and had lost more than the average person at that point. I think I took that as a license to go wild. I haven't thrown up at all since my surgery, and the surgeon was surprised at that. I now almost feel that I need to throw up, so that I will be totally turned off of overeating. I have gained 5 pounds and I still have about 65 pounds to lose. I wanted to get to my goal weight by my 1 year anniversary, and it's possible if I get back on track.

You probably are a food addict; I know I am. That's part of what we have to deal with. For me, it's hard to go to a support group with strangers and talk about extremely personal things. I think that, if I did go, I would be more motivated.

I am exactly where you are. I'm disgusted with myself, too. I also stopped going to the gym. I come up with all kinds of excuses, but the bottom line is that I'm just lazy. Right after I had my surgery, I signed up for a personal trainer that I worked out with once a week. I would exercise in between trainings. After I ran out of sessions, I stopped going. My motivation is being sapped away by food.

I think you should take it day by day. Don't weigh yourself every day, or even every week if you think it's going to depress you. My surgeon said that the scale counts less than how you feel about yourself. If you gauge yourself by the scale, you will be less likely to succeed than if you measure yourself by how your clothes fit, or by how you feel after climbing a flight of stairs.

I think this has been cathartic for me to "talk" to somebody who is pretty much in the same boat as me.

You are eating the right things, so you know you have the self-control to reach your goal. You would not have made it this far if you didn't have that. You're human, so don't beat yourself up.

Thanks tiffmc!!

Hey!

I just want to let you know to not get so down on yourself, I started getting those same feelings after about a year & still fight them to this day! I had surgery just over 2 years ago & am now 15 pounds over my gola weight-i got to my goal weight last year-I have lost 155 so far-anyway, I go throuhg periods where I eat & eat-even sugar-it still makes me a bit sick but I dont even care. I have been to see a counselor who told me I am just bored but I know there is more to it. Anyway, like i said the feelings come & go-I try to maintain my workouts at the gym & that balances everything out, but I still have so many moments of feeling out of control & feeling like my old 340 pound self. I just do my best to keep my chin up & get past those moments & believe me I cave so many times-just try & be strong. I try to limit my carbs too but then I try not to restrict myself from much of anything or I get that old feeling that I am depriving myself. Its a struggle & I just have to take it day by day! But you can always find support here & someone to cheer you up! You can always email me too- [email protected].

Good Luck & just know that you arent alone in your feelings!!!

Tammy