I think I am becoming anorexic

My name is Valarie and I think I am becoming anorexic I am taking in about 300 calories a day. I am focused on getting in my water and food takes a back burner. When I do it eat it is very little. No one really knows the extent of what's going on... I keep explaining that my stomach is the size of a shot glass. I accidentally went 3 days without any food. I am getting scared because my hair is thinning and my color is pale. I put on a façade to everyone who knows me. I find myself Almost at the fainting stage on a daily basis. I look in the mirror and don't see what others are seeing, I still see my self as really big. I Even went to the store tonight and put 2x shirts in my cart and bought them. It wasn't until I got home that my husband pointed out that I bought the wrong size. Am I in trouble? Because of my self image? I am afraid of telling the doctors because I have already been in the hospital several times. Next time it happens.. I was told and threatened with a feeding tube and or reversing my surgery. I find myself emotionally unstable and always crying. I never thought I would become someone that doesn't eat because I have always loved my food. I never thought I would be admitting this to anyone .. but maybe someone on this board feels or is going through the same thing I am. Thanks for listening. Blessings, Valarie

Hi Valarie I can't offer any answers cause I'm there with you.. but my problems go alittle bit deeper since I get fussed at to eat, I run and throw it up afterwards... I'm going on 14 months out and I'm sooo scared of gainning what weight I've lost back... I would like to loose atleast another 20 to 15 pounds... but just don't see that happening since I've started gainning alittle bit... it's crazy to be gainning when nothing stays in my tummy to get the cals from... good luck and please go see your doctor they will be able to help you before your problem gets too far ... Stephie

Hi Stephie, Thank you for your reply. I am going to make an honest effort today. I used to welcome the fact that I could cut out eating, until my hair started to fall out, and my periods stopped. I have not thrown up yet don't anticipate that happening. But say a prayer for me that this gets better. Not ready to tell my doc yet or any human in front of me.only this computer. Hugs, Val

Hi Valarie, I would have to say that yes, you are in trouble. 300 cal a day and all the symptoms you are experiencing all point to your body is in trouble. Being lightheaded is not fun at all either and actually quite scary. This alone is dangerous because you can pass out and seriously injure yourself. Have you checked you blood pressure lately? Keep an eye on it ok? I am not really sure where you should be as far as calorie count. I would need to know when you had your surgery, where you started and where you are now including your height. If you still have some weight to lose we can get calorie count up to where you can still lose, but not starve yourself. If you need to maintain that will be more of a challenge for you. That means a lot more than 300 cal a day. Understand that everyone on this forum is experiencing eating issues of some type. While we may differ in the type, we all understand the struggle each of us is experiencing. I look at your picture and I see this very beautiful woman and at the same time, I know you do not see it. I know you still see yourself as obese. This is such a difficult transfer. I swear sometimes I just want someone to smack me to knock some sense into me so I can see the weight loss. If is funny that you mentioned about going to the story and buying 2x. I wear large shirts and size 10 pants now. I found myself in the plus size section today. What the heck is with that? The one thing I tell everyone who has had this surgery especially those experiencing eating issues or body dysmorphic disorder to seek the help of a psychotherapist. This could mean the difference between life and death. You did not have the surgery to die. You had it to lose weight and be healthy. The surgery only addresses the physical part. You must make an effort to take care of the mind. Our minds need just as much attention after this surgery as our bodies do. It is a tough transition. We ALL understand exactly what you are going through and we are here for you and cry with you and for you. Take care and call a therapist tomorrow ok? ~ Terisa

Valarie Your on the right track to figuring out if you have a problem or not here. I don't know how far out your are or where your weight is at this time. but if your keeping yourself at 300 calories a day I will tell you you are killing yourself period. It took others to point out to me I had a serious problem one I did not want to hear and was denying for a long time. You do not want the feeding tube it is no fun so the only thing I can tell you is this. You have to make an effort to eat your body needs it. you dont want to regain I can understand that but you don't want to die either. Face it this is not why you had wls in the first place. You did it to feel better get your health back and live a somewhat normal life. Right now your not living are you? Your tired your body feels the need to shut itself down during times of the day like all your energy went out the window all at once. Your not getting enough protein in your body so your hair is thinning nails are breaking or pealing your skin is so dry it has no snap back to it. The circles under your eyes are so dark not to mention sunken into thier sockets you look as if you haven't slept in a month am I warm here? And yes your emotional you can be doing something simple like dishes drop a fork an bawl for an hour for zero reason. You really do need to talk to someone I know you dont want to god knows I didnt either at first but I like you did not see what I was doing to myself. You've come to the right place here some of us really do understand what you are going through. I know I do. And there are many others. Please you need to think of yourself your health and your family. But please put yourself first. I know I've had to. If I sound a bit harsh I really am not meaning to be. I am early in this healing process and I am struggling and also finding out just how much real damage I've done to myself. Dawn

Wow you ladies really are understanding, that makes me feel good! I am ten weeks post op from a LAP- RNY. I have been put in the hospital about 5 times thus far. I will be seeing my surgeon next week, not sure if I am going to tell him whats been going on. Today I made a honest effort to eat more. Breakfast didn't work out, lunch didn't either, but dinner .. I had 2 oz of chicken and 1/4 C. of cottage cheese. I did get my 60 oz of water in. I also walked 4 miles today. I still have 70 pounds to lose to hit the goal weight. But I have stopped losing for the last 3 weeks, nothing .. not even one pound!! As I sit here typing all I can do is cry, how in the world do I call and make an appointment for this kinds thing>? IS there someone special I need to see? will any psycolgist

CONTINUED.....As I sit here typing all I can do is cry, how in the world do I call and make an appointment for this kinds thing>? IS there someone special I need to see? will any psycolgist (spelled wrong I know) do? What the heck do I say to them? Will they or can they "lock me up"?? OMG I freaking out now .. how do I handle this. Do I have to tell them EVERYTHING? Hugs, Valarie

Valarie At 10 weeks post up your not going to be getting all that many calories in. But you need to be aware this is where problems ( our wonderful minds take hold of) can take place. Talk to your doctor about your fears. They arent going to lock you up but they will work closely with you to help you develop healthier eatting patterns. I'm nearly 3 yrs post op and on a good day I only get in about 500-600 cals a day and trust me this is not a healthy situation. You need to talk openly about your fears why you feel you may be developing a problem. Face it we're all afraid to regain its always going to be in the back of our minds at one time or another. But it doesnt mean it will happen. You've taken the first step to stop the unhealthy way of thinking and this is what the doctors get paid the big bucks for. They can treat our bodies but sometimes we need a little help to fix our minds. Be it a self image problem or something else lurking in the back ground. I'm working with all my doctors and a really wonderful nutritionist who is keeping me honest in writing down everything I eat she is helping me see what I'm lacking what I need to do to help fix the deficancies and keep me healthy. I am also talking with a counceler about why I don't want to eat. Some of it is because well I just so busy I just dont want to eat other times i just dont eat because I am not hungry or because I throw up so much. Sometimes it can be very scary we see ourselves finally winning the long battle with fat that has consumed our lives for so long it becomes an obsession to lose at any cost. Just don't make the cost of your life. This can be a very emotional time for us all and you want to keep things as happy and painless as possible. So talk to them talk to us we're on your side here. We really are. Dawn

WOW! Yes, Valarie...you ARE IN TROUBLE! At only 10 weeks out post op....you will still be getting low calories in....but if you just CHANGE your lifestyle and not GO WITHOUT, you will learn to live a healthy life without regaining the weight...that IS what it's all about! I am scared for you! You havent lost any weight in weeks because your body is trying to HOLD ON to whatever you have given it....your body thinks it is in starvation mode and IT IS!! I highly suggest counseling and QUICK! You dont have to see a Psychiatrist....you can see a nutritionist and a therapist. You see..this is oh too common amoungst weight loss patients but it seems quite early for you. Is DEATH and option for you? Because this is where you are headed! WLS is a LIFE SAVING TOOL! I know that it is scary to think about gaining the weight back and it can happen if we dont change our lifestyles that made us obese in the first place. So put one foot in front of the other....you want to lose the rest of your weight and you WILL, but not living on that little calories. I also know that in the beginning we dont feel like eating...but you must get that protien in!! Protein keeps us satisfied and helps give us energy. I am REALLY scared for you Valarie...you are BEAUTIFUL and can take CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE NOW!! Get counseling!! You will be thankful you DID! Eat 3 small well balanced meals. Protein first, veggies and starch if you want it....whole grain works good for me and is a better source of fiber than white starches. fruits and veggies too! Drink your water and take your VITAMIN supplements. As for the hair loss..that is normal after this surgery for most people. I didnt have it bad but it is normal at just abouthis time too. INCREASE protien. Have you tried yogurt, cottage cheese, refried beans w/cheese etc? Soft foods that will satiate and give a boost of protien. I'm sure you have. I will be thinking about you and hope to follow up and see how your doing in the future... WLS doesnt do surgery on our brains...so we must find another way....for me..the counseling really helped! OF course we didnt get to be obese just because we overate...there is a reason that FUELED THE FIRE as I call it...and that is what we must find out! How to get rid of those demons and lead a healthy life! YOU CAN DO THIS! I know you can! ONE STEP AT A TIME! Dont be afraid to call them....that is their job!! As for what to say..just say...I was overweight, I had weight loss surgery and i'm scared to death to eat now for fear that I will GAIN WEIGHT! Sounds pretty normal to me! GOOD LUCK Val! YOU will be in my thoughts and prayers!! Julie

Hi, Valerie! I hear the pain in your "voice" here. You're going to have to call the Dr so that you can keep your RNY. If they are threatening to reverse your surgery, what do you think will happen... if you pass-out and are rushed to the ER? You may not get any input in the decision. I think that that would be horrible. If you call, you can get some immediate help and then there will be time to set eating goals to help you loose safely. You have a lot of support on this site, but that's not enough right now. Please call the Dr... Pretty Please... (((Big Hug))) Ro