Questions for those obsessed with food.....

Since I am on the opposite end of eating I am curious. I really want to learn as much as possible about why people eat, why we do not eat, why our mind plays tricks on us and what we do to get past it. This is a personal thing for me as well as I want to specialize in eating disorders and body dysmorphic disorder when I am a therapist. I can learn so much for all of you that is not in the books. It is easier for me to relate to those who basically starve themselves since this is what I do, but I want to understand and be there for anyone experiencing eating troubles. I hope no one minds me asking questions. How do you get past the urges to eat? Do you have any vices or anything to get you through the rough moments? Or do you find that for the most part you can get through them ok. When you do have moments when you want to eat and then do eat, what sort of things do you crave and what do you eat? I know the answers are going to be a little different for everyone, but I would really love to get an idea of how you struggle and how you cope. Have you always experienced the urge to eat and has it gotten better since surgery? Thanks so much to everyone that has come by this forum and especially for posting. I know it takes a lot of strength to do so and I am so proud of each and every one of you for doing so. ~ Terisa

That's a lot of questions to get through in one post, Terisa! I'll practice cutting and pasting. How do you get past the urges to eat? ---That depends on whether or not I realize it is just an urge or actual hunger. I try to use the question if I am just hungry would I be satisfied with anything (and I insert a healthy choice here like tuna or plain chicken) or do I want something like a carb? If I feel I have to have a carb then I have to decide if I give in or not. If I give in then I just try to have a healthier carb like a mini bag of popcorn or some strawberry cereal (the kind that is lightly sweetened rice flakes and dehydrated berries...tastes sinful but isn't actually). I guess it just comes down to awareness. ? If I choose to eat then I usually just switch to an activity that will take me away from food like laundry or tv or sewing. This is normally only a problem when I am not at work, since I can't eat at will at work. Do you have any vices or anything to get you through the rough moments? Or do you find that for the most part you can get through them ok. ---AHA! I DID! From early on post-op I was 'sneaking' sugar free candy. It is on my nut's 'no no' list but I always referred to it as my sanity saver. I'd allow myself one piece of hard candy in the beginning. Then a few months post-op I found a sugar free chocolate that didn't make me sick and would allow myself one piece of that per day. It really was a vice and i really was making a conscious choice to go against doctor's orders. I've been trying to give it up now because it has turned into four or five pieces a day (never all together, that would make me dump) and to me that says it has gotten out of control and is time to stop. When you do have moments when you want to eat and then do eat, what sort of things do you crave and what do you eat? ---It is almost always carbs. Bready and crunchy or sweet and processed. When I want bready things (I have given up white flour foods) I have some salty oriental rice crackers or a mini bag of 100 cal popcorn. When I want sweets I'll turn to some shelf-stable sugar free jello or sugar free pudding or as I mentioned above, my sugar free chocolates. These days I am using sugar free frozen fruit pops or fudgesicles, too. This summer I did a lot of what I thought of as volume eating, which was basically grazing on watermelon or strawberries. Lots of water in it, took hours and hours to eat and not a lot of calories. I guess that is justification thinking? Not healthy but it worked to help me cope with whatever was driving that need to eat without hampering my dieting efforts. Have you always experienced the urge to eat and has it gotten better since surgery? ---Always. I could be bloated full from Thanksgiving and wanted to eat more still. There was never a time when the satisfaction meter pegged out and then I got a 'done' signal. It hasn't gotten better since surgery but it has gotten easier to cope with now that I have the built in tool of malabsorption. With my VBG surgery all I had to do was wait for the food to empty into the remainder of my stomach and then keep eating. Now, when the food empties out it goes right into my intestines and if I try to add more in my stoma actually starts to hurt so I know I have to stop. And I can't just wait and then re-eat within a few minutes either. For others who haven't 'met' me on other boards here are some of my stats: Highest weight: 268 Pre-op (revision) weight: 230 Current weight: 135 Molly

Molly-Thanks so much for taking the time to respond with so much detail to my questions. I certainly learned a lot. I found it interesting the way around getting in more food with the VBG. I do not know a lot about the other surgeries. I had researched them, but once I decided on RNY the others did not matter so I forgot a lot about them. Do you want to maintain at 135 or keep losing? Personally I think you look fantastic just as you are. Ok, your vice is sewing...can you get in your room yet??

Would love to maintain at 135 but i give myself a 5# bounce area. When I get close to 140 then I begin to panic and eat really, really on-plan until it goes back down. Lately, I have been having a terrible time staying on plan on Mondays and since I weigh in on Tuesday morning elsewhere this really puzzles me. You'd think I'd be extra motivated to eat very lightly. It doesn't help that Monday is a very heavy day at work and I'm always fatigued from the weekend but still... This morning I weighed 134 and I bet that when I wake up tomorrow I weigh 136 at least. I feel very heavy tonight. You are sweet to say I look fantastic, I think you look fantastic yourself!!! Yes, I can get in my sewing room again. Woohoo! It isn't clean or uncluttered but there is a definite path to the sewing machine and I have a fall suit well underway. Maybe I need to put up reminder cards to myself to get back in there and sew instead of being in the kitchen. My nut. has given me several good ideas for using reminder cards and when I've tried them, they really work! Self-talk things mostly but also some dietary reminders, etc. Molly

Hi Terisa-These are some tough questions. I'm going to try to answer a couple. I like to eat. Pre-op I used to stuff myself daily. I've been working on what makes me a compulsive overeater, addict, whatever you want to call it. I've been doing fairly well the past 6 months. The good thing for me is I also like to exercise. Onto the food stuff... Urge to eat: I get the urge to eat when I'm stressed or alone (and sad). I've got friends, a good family, a nice home and a job. All of those things cause my stress and don't help to alleviate it. I guess I feel isolated since I moved away from home. Vices or rough moments: I concentrate on being healthy and thin. I try to go on the internet, do errands or workout. Want to eat, do eat, cravings: I want to eat all the bad stuff. Most of the time, I eat foods high in protein, because the head hunger goes away or I can ignore it better if I'm not actually hungry. When I am hungry (real hunger, which happens more and more every day), I crave whatever foods I can't have. Even if it's healthy, but not on my diet plan. I've been pretty successful in ignoring this so far. Unfortunately, the more I workout the more I want to eat. I know that makes sense, but I still can't allow myself the extra calories or I won't lose weight. Urge to eat: I've experienced the need to eat (never being full) since I was about 10. It's a depression thing I know. I just could never get enough. I've felt that way until I had the surgery. Now, my pouch stops me but I have to always be careful. I hope this forum helps. Everyone seems to be really supportive so far. You have problems understanding me the way I have problems understanding your issue, Terisa. I hope we can learn from each other. Thanks, Maggie

Hi Maggie, I know these are tough questions and no one has to answer anything they do not feel comfortable with. I very much appreciate the tiime you took to answer my questions. They are not just helpful to me, but I am hoping that by sharing this information maybe all of us can learn something from each other. For example, you may recognize what your triggers are, but maybe someone else does and when they read your post realize they share the same trigger. I am also very interested in how the extra eating is avoided, I think sharing this information between each other is very beneficial. Do you find that when your depression is under control that the urge to eat subsides or at least gets easier to handle? Thanks again for taking the time to post. Terisa

Terisa- When my depression is under control and this is post-op, I am able to make better choices. If my body is hungry, I usually have a high-protein snack. Before, I would eat a pizza. So, for ME, I can't deny the physical hunger I just manage it better. Head hunger I am learning to deal with and I am not eating. For me, that's a huge accomplishment. I like these questions!! They force me to evaluate and re-evaluate my eating and thinking issues. I just hope everything makes sense!! Mag 286/179 TODAY/145

It makes complete sense. I am so happy that you are able to control the head hunger. You are right, that is a HUGE accomplishment! Be proud of yourself. Glad you like the questions. Certainly everyone has valuable information to share so it is wonderful that you are willing...thank you. ~ Terisa

ty, Before surgery i honestly didnt think that i ate that much and surgery wouldnt help me but i needed to have the surgery because my health was in jeopardy. I knew that i was overwieght and there were some days i ate food like it was going out of style not but not so often in my opinion. well after surgery it is obvious i was wrong cuz i have lost the weight and i do have days that i eat all day and then there are the days (most days) i barely eat at all. I dont get hungry and im so afraid of gaining my wieght back i just dont eat. Im suppose to be eating a cup of food per meal and maybe i eat a half of cup all day. I am going to counseling for dysmorphic disorder amoung other things. I used to eat cuz i was emotionally upset and needed the comfort and with the surgery i lost the wieght but i also traded one type of eating diaorder for another. I pass the urges to eat during the day by keeping my mind on my work and lots of water and excuses to co-workers as to why im not eating (mostly that my tummy hurts).most of the time I cant eat too many bites before im full and if i try to eat the cup of food i have to throw up. most times i make my self get sick or i hurt too much. i sew that keeps me busy if i watch tv i loose the urges battle. I havent told my counselor about my lack of eating issues she knows that i cant recognize the progress made. everyone tells me i look really good and i shouldnt loose anymore weight but i cant see the difference in the mirror. i have lost 109pds and dont look any different than i did before surgery no matter what any one says. I think they are being nice to me,and dont want to tell me im failing at the surgery. this is horrible and i cant seem to break this vicous cycle. im not quite sure what to do. I dont want to be sick and im so terrified that i will gain the wieght back that i get physically sick. now thats a problem that i have to cope with. hope this helps u

Sherrie Wow, I swear I just read about myself. How strange. Everything that you are experiencing I am battling myself. I am doing a little better though. I finaly decided to tell my therapist about what was happening. I knew that I had to because I was dying. My body hurt constantly, I could barely stand up sometimes because of pain and weakness. I was bruised everywhere. My hair was really falling out. My bp was so low that I was constantly lightheaded to where I could not even drive. All of the eating issues you are expeiencing I did too and is what was leading me to my grave. Once I told my therapist it was the beginning of another new journey. Everyday I have to fight for my life. Like you I cannot see the difference. I still see myself as 261. But the great thing about our minds is that we can still think logically. Even though you may not see it or feel it, you know that you have lost over 100 lbs. I also know how we become experts on lying to others to get away with not eating. It becomes easy to fool others. Who are we really cheating though. You really must tell your therapist that you are not eating and that you are purging. Why do you choose not to tell her? If you trust her let her help you. She already knows about the body dysmoprhic disorder so it would not be too surprising that you are experiencing an eating disorder, but for her to really help you it will take honestly. I can tell you that when I was not eating and when I was purging I was not losing weight at all. I was so frustrated. Then I started eating, which of course is NOT EASY! Then I gained a few pounds. I had to look at this logically. OK, my body was starving and holding onto everything, now I am eating and it needs to adjust. I allowed my body to adjust and then I lost the few pounds I gained and have lost a lot more since then. I am losing weight now and without killing myself. Don't get me wrong, I am still struggling and very fearful, but I am choosing to live and not allow this disorder to take over my life and kill me. That is not why I had this surgery. We had this surgery to gain a new life, not end it. Thanks for taking the time to share your experiences with me. I was truly amazed how alike you and I are. Please consider telling your therapist ok? I care abot your success and want you to be happy and healthy. Take care, ~Terisa