feel hopeless

Well, I completely feel like giving up. Once again, the MINUTE I start even thinking about writing down food, cutting carbs, I just seem to get obsessed with food, and eat everything in sight. I feel like a failure, I guess I am going to have to have mental help, but feel helpless where that is concerned, because I cannot afford to have to pay for professional help. I do not know what to do next. I am having a major meltdown at this moment. I know I will pull out of the funk because I am usually a very upbeat person, but at this moment I just have a very sick feeling from eating too much junk, and am bloated, miserable and just tired of thinking about it. I do not know why I just keep grazing and eating, and the more I think about it, the harder it seems to be. I have gained 50-60 pounds since loosing to my lowest after WLS of 170 pounds. I just still have this magial thinking that I can start tomorrow or later or something, I don't know. DeAnna

DeAnna, I just replied to your post at the bottom of my original, but I wanted to respond here now. You know I have a weird food issue that if I start reading a magazine article or online article about food, even if it a nutritional article or diet information, I start feeling hungry. I can be reading about how tomatoes contain lycopene and what that does for you and POOF, I'm craving a salad with ranch dressing. It doesn't matter if I have just eaten, I want more. I am a food addict. I haven't had trouble journaling these last two weeks though because I write it down right before I eat it. Then, I get to eat it and satisfy that intense craving. If you feel like you obsess too much when you write things down, then just make a mental list of your favorite high protein foods. Then, limit yourself to 3 meals a day. If you eat the meals without drinking then I would assume you would get full before consuming too many calories. I know the pouch rules said that you should feel full on 12oz of food. That's 1 and 1/2 cups of food. Do you really think you can eat 1 and 1/2 cups of steak or chicken in one meal? I get full (really full) on about 8 oz if it's solid meat and I am not drinking with my meal. Now if it's a burger or sandwich I can probably eat a little more or at least I know I get hungry again sooner. About 2 hours after I eat a meal, I start drinking water again. Unfortunately for me, I noticed that if I drink Crystal Light or anything that actually tastes good, I start having stronger cravings. The best thing for me to limit my cravings (and my temptation) is to drink only water during the day. Also, you wrote that you always think you can start tomorrow or later. Well, I use to have my binges right before I started a "diet". Then, I would binge again when I blew my diet. It ended up that I spent very little time on the diet and most of the time binging and feeling horrible about my failure and hopeful about the next diet at the same time. We can't think of this as starting a diet. It's just starting to eat right again and there is no stopping, no finish date. So, instead of starting tomorrow just start right now. As soon as you read this go drink a glass of water and then keep drinking until 30 minutes before you plan to eat your next meal. Make a wise choice on the meal, but don't obsess and just eat until you feel full but not stuffed. If you have already had dinner and you are ready this, make a committment to not snack for the rest of the evening. Get a glass and measure out 8 oz of water so you know how much you are drinking. If you obsess about food, don't keep track. I would log the water though so you know you're getting at least 64oz. Have some coffee or broth if you need something. If we all work together we can figure out a path for everyone. I know we should be going to support group meetings, but we can support each other here too. There are just SO many of us posting about gaining back a large amount of weight. I am the highest gainer I have seen at 80lbs regain. So, you're better than me! lol We'll use team work and check in with each other by posting on this forum. Good luck DeAnna, you can do it today. No more feeling like you're on your own. You're in a group now. Angela

Thanks so much Angela, I am getting water as soon as I am through typing. I know you are right about the crystal light or flavored things. I have a large cup that holds a quart, so I try to fill it twice, and well today I filled it with crystal light and I did crave more...I am going to fill it with water now and drink that. I have not had supper yet and am not going to snack beforehand or after....and that is my plan for the rest of the night...I will not just start tomorrow. I am just two weeks out from a hysterectomy, so I can't do a lot of exercise, luckily I am not sore or in pain, just get a little nautious when I overdo, but I am going to go to the gym tomorrow and get on the treadmill for 20-30 minutes, or 15 if that is all I can do. I have been just standing in place and marching or picking up my heels kicking backwards and stretching my thighs and waving my arms around like an idiot - LOL....I was walking a good bit and doing some light weight before surgery (school was out and we could go with the kids to the Y), but I am going to find time for that. Exercise is definately a key for me. Since it has been a few hours since the carb binging, I do feel a little better, not so weepy or feeling hopeless. I will be getting on this board more when I feel like binging and trying other things. It does make me feel so much better to have the support like you have given me just now, also to know what other people like me are doing in a positive way. How tall are you, BTW, I do not think you are the biggest gainer, I gained 50-60 pounds and still had about 30 to go, so have 80 to loose too, and if I remember correctly, we weigh about the same.....I'm 5'9.5" and now weigh about 230.....in lots of size 16s, but pushing 18s hard...Was down to 12s and 13s and just large shirts about a year ago....I want that back, and am going to keep that picture in my mind.... DeAnna

DeAnna, I am so glad you are feeling better. Exercise is an awesome way to get back on track. I have been making small changes these past 2 weeks and Monday is my day to add exercise to the equation. I am only 5'5 and I weigh about 225 now. I have been wearing mostly skirts and stretchy goucho pants for the last year, but I tried to put on a pair of size 16 Levi's. Not a chance. I am assuming I am probably a size 20 again. I was only a 22 when I had the surgery. However, I am bloated right now from "mother nature", so I could possibly fit an 18. When I have reached my 1st goal of losing down to 220 I plan to go to Lane Bryant and buy 1 pair of jeans. I don't have anything that is big enough to fit right now except the stretchy waste stuff. That is too forgiving and you don't notice the gain. I weigh myself every few days, but I only write it down on Sundays. When I started 2 weeks ago I took measurements too. I plan to re-measure every month and weigh-in every Sunday. I had lost down to about 150 and wore a size 6/8. Bitter sweet memory there. We'll get there again though. I plan to make a goal of 149. So, I have 76lbs. to lose. I want to lose down to 130 or 140 ideally, but if I can hit 149 I'll be in my normal range for BMI. It amazes me that in high school I was the same height and weighed about 111lbs. I thought I was fat then. Oh if I had only known to cherish those days. Of course I would never want to be that thin now. I love my curves. Anyway, we can do it. We'll just all have to keep checking in with each other. If it's posting every few days, everyday, or even several times a day, whatever it takes. Angela

Well, I'm proud of you, and I will be posting more often, hopefully positive stuff!!! I have just got to actually start picturing myself at 150 again....Have a good night and a better tomorrow..D.

Hi Girls!!! I'm proud of both of you for simply leaning on one another for support!! We are certainly all in the same boat together and despite our vast geographic locations and various numbers on the scale, we are truly an important life-line of support for one another! Funny that you both mentioned the Chrystal Lite! I used to love Chrystal Lite, but had to give it up for the sheer fact that as soon as I drank it, it would trigger my carb-o-meter. After that, there seemed to be no stopping my binging on the sweet stuff or the crunchy carbs. Damn that stuff! Anyway, I'm starting to think the FDA needs to rethink these nutrition lables and put something on there like, "May cause carbohydrate cravings in carbohydrate-sensitive people"!!! Ya'll have a great day.... and hang in there!!!!!!!!!!! I need your support, too!!!! Hugs! Kristi

Thank you for the kind words, and the support....Yes, gotta lay off that danged ole Crystal Lite. Today I had some chicken pie for breakfast (just in a hurry and did not put ANY thought into eating healthy).....but for lunch I was out and about and had a 32 oz Gladiator from Smoothie King....yum, low carb, high protein, mango flavored......Now will be laying on the water, probably need a solid protein of some sort (meat or cheese) for snack, and planing something high protein for supper tonight (I hope).... Deanna.

DeAnna..... You get a GOLD STAR for your lunch choice today...... being "out and about" is always a challenge for me in terms of making good food choices... "quick and easy" can generally really sabotage my best efforts! The fact that you chose wisely among ALL the fast-food choices you could have given in to means that you are ON YOUR WAY to better eating habits already! V for VICTORY!!!!!! Good for you!!! Hugs! Kristi

And, because I drank that big ole high protein smoothie, I have not been very hungry the rest of the day. We went out to supper tonight (buffet, still does not seem to be worth the money to go to a buffet for me), ate about 3-4 oz steak, green beans, little potatoes, half a roll, VERY small amount of carrot cake, left not feeling guilty at all, because we really do not eat out very often, and I had not grazed all day....Just ate a few mushrooms, before bed, and a spoonful of a high sugar/fat carb, but still all in all a better day, and if I can just get a little better every day, I do feel better.....Hope you guys did good today....DeAnna.

I agree about your lunch choice! WAY TO GO! I always struggle eating out, but as long as I don't drink with my meal and choose the highest protein and lowest carb choice on the menu, I am happy with myself. We are on our way! I am so excited for all of us. It is so awesome to have you guys to sound off and support me. I look forward to logging in here! Angela