i just hate myself i need help please

hi well were do i start? i had surgery 11 yrs ago. i weighed 300 lbs and my lowest was 157 but i maintained a weight of 165-170 for about 4 yrs it doesn't seem that long well i have gained back 40-45 lbs and have this ugly roll that hangs over whatever i wear. i absoultly hate myself i feel awful. i wanted to see if i could get a revision done so i did all the tests that they asked and was told yesterday that my pouch is still very small and intact. that it's my eating habits (Duh) but i thought my tummy had streched cause i gained weight. so here i am 40 lbs overweight feeling all alone and crying why does this have to be so hard. even after surgery it's a fight, i'm not sorry i had it done i would do it agian but i'm hating myself for letting myself do this again gain weight. i know i'm not the only one that has thought this was a cure, which i thought i would never have to worry again, well it's not , my whole life i've been fat. it hard for me to do exercise cause i have very bad knees i did walk when i had my surgery but over these past few years my knees have gotten worse so i'm not able to do much. when i had lost the weight i thought whoa is this me i loved it , but they did surgery on the body and not the brain. so where do i go from here. i don't want to get fatter, i need help but what do i do .? my reg. pc dr. has tryed helping me in many ways i am right now on meridia. i go mon 6/25/06 for my first wegh in since i started 18 days ago. it a pricey pill thats not covered by insurance so i don't know if i can keep on taking it . o my gosh guys i feel lost, can anyone help me? why is food so addicting ? i would sure like hearing from someone. patty

well patty Glad you posted.... I don't thnk hating yourself is a very good foundation to start from. maybe you could go to counsling and try to deal with that... isn't it the same hate you have always had? Do you really think 40 pounds would change that? So, it is what it is..... forgive yourself and go on... What steps can you take to solve this problem? What habits or goals can you start to work on? Have you read rules of the pouch? http://www.gastricbypassfamily.com/index.htm you can work at it, but like you said...no magic pull yourself up and start making changes one at a time... are you drinking water...? I am sure you know what to do.... Please be encouaged...speaking of that is there a support group around you? Pennie

My surgeon has given us a triangle of success. One point of the triangle is your water intake. Are you taking in at least 64 oz or more of water per day? The second point of the triangle is food. How is your protein intake? Are you eating only on your scheduled times? I eat at 8 am, 11:30 am, 2:30 pm, 5:30 pm, and 9:00pm. And watch your carb intake. No white bread, bagels, ect. Are you intaking sugar? The third point of the triangle is excercise. Are you doing what you can as far as excercising 3 times a week? If one of these points is weak or missing, the whole triangle will collapse and you will fail. Just take a look at your triangle. Is it intact? I wish you much good luck. Just get back to basics. Do what you did in the beginning. Stephanie

If you aren't near any support groups, try weigh****chers. They are great and having meetings every week. Start now while you are still small and get the encouragement you need from the meetings.

Patty - Please don't hate yourself, it's not worth it. You recognize the problem, and that is a success in itself! The good news is that you CAN turn this around, it's NEVER TOO LATE. I wish I was closer so that I could have you come to one of my support group meetings! In the meantime, I still want to be there if you want the help. Call me at any time at the number below, and we can discuss your foods, activity, etc. - any way that we can help, we will be there for you. I was in a very similar situation, and someone here reached out to me and got me back on track. As they say, "pass it on" With warm regards, Michael Campellone 240 Pounds Gone Forever! ObesityHelp Support Group Leader SABariatrics WLS Support Group Dothan, AL (334) 718-4518

Hi Patty. I know your post is a month old but I just read it and I feel we share a similar situation. I had surgery 3 1/2 years ago and my lowest weight was 148. When I was about six months out of surgery I started struggling with cravings again, but I was able to stay in the 150's for about a year or so. But over the last year and a half I have put on 40 pounds, 10 of them in the last two months alone. I sort of feel out of control. I don't know why I'm eating junk because it makes me feel crappy, but every few days I have bad binges and take in way more calories than I should, and it's all refined sugars. I go from hardcore dieting for a few days to binging for a few days and it's just an awful cycle. I can never find a happy medium, you know? And my pouch has stretched a lot so I can eat almost normal portions. I don't know where to go or who to turn to; I feel like I have let everyone down who helped me. Like you said, they operated on the body and not the mind. I don't want to go back the way I used to be, but I can't seem to stop myself. I wish I could figure out what kind of mindset to be in--you know, positive thinking and all that. Someone suggested Overeaters Anonymous, but I'm too scared to do that. Maybe an emotional support system from people who have similar problems is the way to go. You know, whine to each other when we have cravings and so on. I mean, I still have supportive people in my life, but they don't understand the love-hate struggle with food and how powerful it is. They're always like, "just get back on your diet." If only it were that easy, I wouldn't have gone through surgery!! So how are you doing? How did your weigh in go? Drop me a line at [email protected]. Take care, Kim

How about all of us with this particular issue set up a support live chat in a private chat room, so we can really hash-out these problems and try and find some solutions?? I am here for you guys, let me know if this sounds good to you! Talk to you soon, Mike Michael A. Campellone OH Support Group Leader SABariatrics WLS Support Group (334) 718-4518

How about all of us with this particular issue set up a support live chat in a private chat room, so we can really hash-out these problems and try and find some solutions?? I am here for you guys, let me know if this sounds good to you! Talk to you soon, Mike Michael A. Campellone OH Support Group Leader SABariatrics WLS Support Group (334) 718-4518

A chat room, eh? That'll be a first for me. Anything to talk with people who know how it is and might have some solutions! I'm game. How do we get started?

OK Guys - several folks have asked us to get together for a "Virtual Support Group", so we are going to start tonight and give it a try! Just come TO THIS SPECIFIC MESSAGE BOARD tonight, we will start at 8PM Central (6PM Pacific, and 9PM Eastern). All you do is select CHAT ROOM from the upper left of the screen here on this board. It is the first selection listed under "Hunger And Food Troubles Forum" in the left blue column. I am really looking forward to some really great discussions and ideas being exchanged, so let's do it! I will see you then! Michael