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Advanced Acai
Whine (H1N3) Influenza What is whine flu?
Whiney-Ass Influenza (whine flu) is a respiratory disease caused by overworked, grumpy or high maintenance individuals that complain on a regular basis about one thing or another. These individuals spread the whiney-ass flu to other individuals (generally in the work place) by complaining about every little issue or by being a constant negative influence on those around them. Normal mentally, healthy people do not usually get infected with the whine flu, except for those humans in close proximity to each other in the work place, such as cubicles, desks arranged close to each other or persistent standing around at the water cooler or coffee bar. Whine flu viruses have been reported to spread from person-to-person, but in the past, this transmission was limited and not sustained beyond very small groups of people. Are there human infections with whine flu in the U.S.?
In late March and early April 2009, cases of human infection with whiney-ass influenza viruses were first reported in Southern California and near San Antonio, Texas. Other U.S. states have reported cases of whiney-ass flu infection in humans and cases have been reported internationally as well. An updated case count of confirmed whiney-ass flu infections in the United States is kept at http://www.cdc.gov/whiney-assineflu/investigate.htm CDC and local and state health agencies are working together to investigate this situation. Is this whine flu virus contagious?
The CDC has determined that this whiney-ass influenza virus is contagious and is spreading from human to human. However, at this time, it not known how easily the virus spreads between people. What are the signs and symptoms of whiney flu in people?
The symptoms of whiney-ass flu in people are similar to the symptoms of premenstrual syndrome (PMS) generally found in women. This virus is mostly contained in small groups of individuals that work closely together and constantly complain about every little issue. If you simply try to say, “Hi and good morning" to a co-worker and they grumble or growl back at you with a “what’s good about it", keep your distance. Chances are they are infected. How does whine flu spread?
Flu viruses are spread mainly from person to person through constant mental affliction of a negative nature. Sometimes people may become infected by simply listening or sympathizing with and infected person. Normally this is over a period of time when one is subject to the negative moral of others in the work place. It’s the old, “monkey see, monkey do" scenario. What should I do to keep from getting the whine flu?
First and most important: make sure you get a full nights rest in order to avoid fatigue. Try to stay in good general health. Eat nutritious food, be physically active, drink plenty of fluids, and by all means, manage your stress. Try to not listen into other peoples conversations, especially if there is a negative undertone. Keep a positive outlook, your glass is half full, not half empty. Above all else: avoid close contact with people who are infected. Remember those individuals can be recognized with word phrasing like: big deal, I don’t care, so what, no body works as hard as I do around here. Please protect yourself and your loved ones by keeping a positive attitude and don’t fall into a trap of negative behavior that is set by those who have contracted the whiney-ass flu.
The new preacher in town went to go see his new congregation. When he went up to the first house, an old woman answered the door and said,"Oh my goodness! It's Conway Twitty." The preacher replied, "No, I am the Reverend Jones." The old woman replied,"You sure look like him." to which the preacher replied," I get that all the time."
The preacher then went to several other houses where the same thing happened. The preacher was getting tired of people saying that he looked like Conway Twitty but soon he neared the last house on his list and he would be done.
At the last house, the preacher rang the doorbell and a young eighteen year old girl answered the door wearing only a towel. As she saw the preacher, she dropped the towel and screamed,"Conway Twitty!"
The preacher just looked at her, smiled, and said, "Hello, Darling. It's good to see you. It's been a long time."
on 1/10/09 1:02 pm - Wynantskill, NY
(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
A pig's ****** lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A ****roach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?!)
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm......)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
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