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Topic: WORKIN' IN AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
WORKIN' IN AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
(sung to the tune of Walkin' in a Winter Wonderland)
Children scream, they're not listenin'
When they go, we'll not miss 'em,
In all of this pain, we try to stay sane,
Workin' in an elementary school.
Christmas comes, they're excited,
Though our nerves, they've ignited,
They're off of the wall, they run in the hall,
Workin' in an elementary school.
In the lunchroom we can hear them yellin',
And we know that they are really wound,
Someone hits, the other says "I'm telling",
And that is when our heads begin to pound!
Pretty soon, we'll be restin',
'cause our nerves, they've been testin',
We're happy, it's clear, it comes once a year,
Christmas in an elementary school.
Topic: Ever wonder??
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny
for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would
be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake
up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars to look at things on the ground?
How come Americans choose from just two people for President and
fifty for Miss America?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway.
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
and finally...
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Topic: Why Angels Sit on top of Christmas trees!
One christmas season up at the north pole santa was just down in the dumps everything was just going wrong.. The elves wouldnt make any toys... the raindeer wouldn't fly and Mrs clause had pms to kill a moose... santa was at wits end and really down in the dumps, when all of a sudden a bubbly little happy angel 
comes skipping in smiling from ear to ear
she asked santa ... Santa where would you like me to put the chrsitmas tree???
and thats why we have angels on the tops of christmas trees
Jim open RNY 10/27/03-210lbs
comes skipping in smiling from ear to ear she asked santa ... Santa where would you like me to put the chrsitmas tree???
and thats why we have angels on the tops of christmas trees
Jim open RNY 10/27/03-210lbs Topic: new lyrics
NEW LYRICS
Some of the artists from the '60s are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers. They include:
Herman's Hermits
"MRS. BROWN, YOU'VE GOT A LOVELY WALKER"
The Bee Gees
"HOW CAN YOU MEND A BROKEN HIP"
Bobby Darin
"SPLISH, SPLASH, I WAS HAVIN' A FLASH"
Ringo Starr
"I GET BY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM DEPENDS"
Roberta Flack
"THE FIRST TIME EVER I FORGOT YOUR FACE"
Johnny Nash
"I CAN'T SEE CLEARLY NOW"
Paul Simon
"FIFTY WAYS TO LOSE YOUR LIVER"
Commodores
"ONCE, TWICE, THREE TIMES TO THE BATHROOM"
Marvin Gaye
"I HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPE NUTS"
Procol Harem
"A WHITER SHADE OF HAIR"
Leo Sayer
"YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE NAPPING"
The Temptations
"PAPA'S GOT A KIDNEY STONE"
Topic: GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER:
GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER:
1. Sag, You're It
2. Hide and Go Pee
3. 20 Questions Shouted Into Your Good Ear
4. Kick the Bucket
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the Nurse says Bend Over
6. Musical Recliners
7. Simon Says Something Incoherent
8. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy
Topic: Indian humor
Well my daughters are pomo, wylaki, and cuncaw, so I guess I can share this one.....
In an upstairs apt. an anglo husband and wife were constantly fighting, when one day the husband accidently pushed the wife out the window into an alley way where she landed inside a garbage can. An Indian comes upon the wife inside the can and exclaims: "HMM" White Man Crazy This Still Good!
Topic: RE: I ain't scared of the devil.....
OMG!!! That is too funny. Just sent it to EVERYBODY I KNOW!!! Thanks for the laff at 5 am!
Topic: I ain't scared of the devil.....
Church services
A few minutes before the church services started, the towns people were sitting in their pews and talking.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon everyone had exited the church except for one old man calmly sitting in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the old man and said "Don't you know who I am?"
"Yep, sure do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?"
"Nope, sure ain't."
"Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?"
"Don't doubt it for a minute."
"Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, physical agony for all eternity??"
"Yep," was the calm reply.
"And you're still not afraid??" asked Satan.
"Nope."
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied......, "Been married to your sister for 68 years."
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