animal humor or is it the truth......
Dear Dogs and Cats When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions
> > with each other so there are still two of you in the way.
> > The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food.
> > The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a
> > paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
> >
> > The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because, I can fall faster than you can run.
> >
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-size bed. I am very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to
> > ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping .
> > they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep
> > perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent
> > possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having
> > tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.
> >
> > My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
> >
> > For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.
> > If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it
> > is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw
> > under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the
> > same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years,
> > canine/feline attendance is not mandatory.
> >
> > The proper order is kiss me, then go smell another animal's butt or
> > groom your posterior. I cannot stress this enough. It would be
> > such a simple change for you.
> > ============
> >
> > To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front
> > door:
> >
> > Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:
> >
> > a. They live here. You don't.
> >
> > b. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
> > furniture.
> >
> > c. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
> >
> > d. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter
> > who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
> >
> > e. Dogs and cats are better than kids, even yours. They eat less,
> > don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when
> > called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends,
> > don't smoke or drink, don't worry about buying the latest fashions,
> > don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and
> > if they get pregnant, you can sell the results
> >
> >
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