Daily Post--8/22/08
I feel sad for her because I know how tormented she was with all the weight on her, but I also feel sad because I realize now that it was only weight. What I mean is that when I was heavy, I hated myself. I guess I didn't see anything about me that I liked because I tied everything about me to my size. It's sad because I was still a nice person under all that fat, but I couldn't cut myself any slack at that time. By the way, I don't now, or did I ever, feel that way about other heavy people, just me.
When I see a picture of myself 70 pounds agi I just can't believe its me, as a matter of fact yesterday I went into fashion bug and for those who don't have a fashion bug 1/2 store is plus and other misses you walk in the door and go either left for misses or right for plus and this time I was able to go left for kmisses what a werid feeling I felt as if I did not belong on that side, I felt everyone was thinking Imust be buying a gift. I guess I still feel like the fat girl.
I'm so embarassed that I looked like that - and I'm sad that I stayed that way most of my life. I was never "normal", so it wasn't a matter of letting myself go, but it's still hard to see how horrible I looked and felt for so long. I wonder how different my life would have been, had I been able to lose the weight when I was younger.