Daily Post--4/27/08
I'm still sensitive, just not as much as before. I am not afraid to walk into a room late, or to stand up when others are sitting, or to laugh too loud.
Yesterday at work, one of the guys was making comments about my boss and her "big, fat butt". I asked him if he and the other guys made fun of me back before I started losing. He told me they never did. I told him I didn't believe him and he said that they always thought I was so quiet and sweet and never gave them a reason to dislike me. He said they hate my boss so she "deserves" to be spoken about that way. I told him how sad that comment made me -that I agree she's a (rhymes with witch), but that the comments are uncalled for and I wondered if I were to irritate them if they would resort to name calling me also...
Some things have changed. For example, not too long ago I stopped in a store and bought my son an ice cream. I would NEVER do that pre-op because I would be wondering if the person behind the counter was thinking "she has no business eating ice cream with that big fat behind of hers".
I like getting the compliments I get, but I try not to let it go to my head, because I know someday the compliments are going to stop and then what will I have if I am always looking for compliments.
I desensitiezed myself years ago as to what people thought about me. I developed the attitude that if they did not like it, don't look, or if they were talking about me, I was making them happy, so at least I was making people happy. Now I really just don't care anymore. I do what I do for me, and no one else. Gayle