Daily Post--3/30/08

Wow, the month is over! Just one more day till April Fool's! Speaking of April Fool's Day... Now that you are thinner/smaller, do you feel less targeted by the hijinks of others? Do you feel more a part of the "in crowd" and less a part of the victim's club? When folks are whispering behind their hands, do you still think they are talking about you or your weight? or do you sit and try to figure out who they are gossiping about??

I am bad bad bad for this, I always think the worst! I do feel more a part of the in crowd and don't think ppl are talking about me being heavy I think they are saying well she did this, she did that....When in reality they are most likely saying something about the weather or this or that-nothing to do with me! I think we are so used to the bad stuff we don't know how to react when things aren't bad. Hoping this will get better over time but I doubt it.....We can't worry about what others think, we just have to live our lives for ourselves and let them say whatever they will say!

I think no matter how much weight I lose I will always think others that are skinner than me are talking about me behind my back and saying that I am still huge. I'm sure they aren't but I am still very self conscious and still see myself as the 325 person I was.

I have to be completely honest here... I was always part of the "in" crowd.... and my membership is exactly the same. My friends loved me fat and they love me less fat... I am really, really lucky!!! I have faced nothing but support at home and at work.

I know in my mind that I have lost over 100 pounds but in how I feel in reality doesn't come close to showing that. I don't feel any different now then I did at my highest weight.... I still feel like people probably look at me and think things because I am still a larger person.... I don't sit and dwell over it but I do feel it when I walk into a room or go somewhere were I feel like Im sticking out instead of blending in.... The one thing that I do not feel now is when I go to a restaurant I no longer have to ask for a table instead of a booth. My boyfriend never said anything bad about it and never once did he make any comment that I can not fit in a booth and if it embarrassed him to be with me when I did that but Im sure it did. He was always supportive of me and I am very grateful of that but I do feel much better now that I do not have to inconvenience myself or anyone else because of my weight. I do realize things are different now but I don't feel that much different and I do still feel like people are talking about me but I do not care as much now because I know that I am changing who I am so I no longer have the shame that goes along with being that big and knowing that nothing is going to change.

I have serious trust issues and Im kind of shy, so I do wonder if people are talking about me. I just moved to a town where I dont know anyone, and nobody yet knows ive had surgery, Ive pretty much decided, im going to try and present a more confident persona, as they say "fake it till you make it", then maybe I will be able to be part of the regular crowd. Vivienne

Interesting question. But I'm pretty oblivious to what's going on around me. If people are, or ever have been, whispering about me behind their hands I haven't noticed. I always felt like I had a good crowd to hang out with -- whether or not they are the "in-crowd" or not I don't know . I am definitely am feeling more confident though, when I go someplace where I don't know anyone.

Honestly, I was never a part of the "in-crowd" and I don't think that my weight loss will put me there. I have a good group of friends that I plan to keep and have no desire to be anything other than the person I was b4 - just in a smaller body..

Definitely feel like more of the in crowd now. It's amazing how many people will just come up and talk to me when I go out.

I don't much care if I'm in the "in" crowd or not. I have my friends and that's what I care about. Never much cared about what ppl say either. Guess I'm kinda odd. Jules