Daily Post--1/21/08

Yes. Yes is the answer because depending on the day, or what time of day, I see it and then I don't. Sometimes, I get dressed and look in the mirror and think "wow, I'm really getting there". Sometimes, I'm getting in the shower and realize that I still have a long way to go. Maybe it's the skin. Not sure. I struggle with this all the time.

I still feel like the fat girl. Even though I am down nearly 80 lbs, and from a 3x to an XL, it is hard for me to see. I had lunch recently with a friend who had not seen me in nearly a year. He commented about how tiny I am!! I am certainly not tiny at this point!! I think I do dress a little differently. . .clothes that fit a little closer to my body than when I was a 3x.

I still have about 86 pounds to lose, but in the past I have dieted and gotten within 25 pounds of my goal weight and while I did feel better about myself, I did still perceive myself as being fat and I did look at myself in the mirror and see, not how far I had come, but how far I had yet to go. That really scares me. I think I have learned alot since then. I've seen a therapist and talked about it and that really helped but I do still worry that even if I reach my goal that I will focus on what's wrong...sagging breasts, excess skin....etc. I do want to have plastics further out but that too scares me and the costs are so high I'm afraid I won't be able to afford it!

I see it more now than I did a year ago; however, I still get confused. Especially clothes shopping...I always start with things that are too big still. At school we ordered staff spirit wear and I'm in such a wrong mindset that although I tried on an XL and it fit perfectly that when it came time to order, I ordered 2X for who knows what reason!!!! Now I have a polo and a fleece jacket that are TOO big. I had an incident at my support group meeting (always seems to be a stray loonie there; one reason I hesitate to go). First, let me say that my surgeon has quite a few band patients and many tend to be at the very edge of being accepted weight-wise for surgery. (Yeah, I'm making excuses for what's about to happen.) A lady who needed to lose a lot of weight sat down next to me and asked me when I was going to have my surgery!!!!! I myself refrain from those kinds of questions and simply ask how things are going so I don't put my foot in my mouth. Too bad this lady hadn't learned manners. My first thought, of course, was do I look that fat????? All 263 pounds I have lost magically reattached itself to me in an instant. Technically I wouldn't even qualify for surgery (100 pounds overweight) since I am 17 pounds from my dr.'s goal weight and 53 pounds from those crazy "perfect weight" charts.... I went home and stewed about this for a few days and then asked the DH and the best friend what they thought. Both went ballistic and best friend wants to go to next support group and have me point out this person so she can kill her. So I guess I still see myself as heavier than I am.

Hi Karen; HOW RUDE! But do you think that perhaps this lady was trying to make herself feel better by tearing others down? I think we've all been there, maybe not out loud - but to ourselves.. Don't let one rude stranger get you down - you've done great!

I definately see myself as thinner. And I look great in clothes! LOL, but when they come off, there's the belly skin, the bat wings that make the real bats jealous, pancake boobs, and flabby thighs and butt. Yes, I'm skinnier everywhere, but have the skin left over. I guess it's been a month or two ago that I realized that I really am thin now. I love walking in tight spaces that I never would have dreamed of attempting 6 months ago. It's a great feeling. Denise

It has just taken me until lately to be able to look in the mirror and see the thinner me. I think once I have my tummy tuck and can get rid of all this excess sagging skin, that I'll truly feel better about myself. I do like to dress up more now and as you say "strut" myself more than I have ever before. Michele

I've lost 39lbs. that I know of I won't know how much I've lost this wee****il I go weight myself later today. But...loosing this 39lbs. the only places I truly see it gone is in my face...I've lost a double chin already! I also notice a huge loss in my legs, I have lemphnedema and just this amount of loss so far has helped my legs tremendously! My clothes do fit loose now but I still can't really see any change in my body. Kellie

I am 3 months post op and down about 52 lb. but I just do not see it. Other people make comments about it but when I look in the mirror I still see the same 246 lb. girl. I am so bad that I can't make myself wear the smaller jeans I bought not to long ago. I don't know what it is but I just feel like I am not supposed to be wearing the smaller ones! Dumb I know! Rhonda

Still pre-op