Heart Broken (long)

So, this morning I get up to get ready for work. (Like every other morning) Since I was up a little earlier than normal I was going to check my email. My computer is in my bed room and Lisa was still sleeping. So, I sat down at her computer. I moved the mouse and her screen came on. I looked on the screen and noticed that she had left up her messenger. I was not trying to be nosy, but it was there. So yes, I read the message. She was tying to some women and in the message Lisa says, " I love you, I miss you so much. I wish I did not live so far away." The other person types back to her that she loves her as well and also wishes Lisa did not live so far away. Lisa then types, " I spend all of my time alone." OK so by now I am flabbergasted. I am pissed, I am hurt, I am angry. I am pissed first because why in the hell would she be online talking about she loves another female. We have been together for six years, yes in that time we have had our problems, but never not ever once have I told someone else that I loved them. I am pissed for two because yes, she does spend a lot of time alone. But the time Lisa spends alone is because she does not want to do things with me. I ask all the time do you want to go out, do you wanna watch a movie. 99% of the time the answer is no. So, why in the hell would she make a statement like that when she is alone because she wants to be. Things with us have not been OK for years. I honestly think we have stayed together for so long because its what is convenient for the both of us. But, after reading that, I feel like there is really nothing left worth staying for. She obviously has feelings for someone else. If she did not then, why would she have said that. I have asked her a million times over, are you happy? Is there some where or someone else you would rather be with. The answer is always no. Why in gods name would you continue to stay in a relationship with someone if you were not happy. That to me makes no sense at all. So, like always I wake my daughter up and then I wake Lisa up as I am going out the door to work. When Lisa gets to work she is smiling and acting as if nothing is wrong. All day I am short with her because I just felt like work was not the place to discuss our personal problems. So at my lunch time I went outside and my best friend was out there. She could tell that something was wrong. I just let loose, I started to cry and shake and it was a mess. I finally got myself back together and went to ask my boss if I could please go home. He also knows what is going on with me and Lisa. He has become a really good friend of mine. Well because he wants me to learn to stand on my own he said no, I could not go home. So the rest of my day was shot even worse than the first part. Lisa had a doctors appointment when she got off work and has not made it home yet. I truly do not know what I am going to say to her. Or, how to go about saying anything. I just feel like everything is over. I do not have anything left to fight for. I mean how do you really get through something like that. Anyway thanks for letting me vent. Melissa

Melissa, im so sorry you are going threw this it seems to me as if she has diconected from the relationship emotionally.but physically she is there.I totally relate me im more diconected from my relationship but im honest to my g/f about it and she knows there is more of a freindship between us then realtionship we have been togehter for 9 years and just grew apart.mostly because were on diffrent pages in our ways.but we both agree to stay in a roomate situation and help eachtoher out but neither of us are seeing anyone else yet.but I understand how you can be feeling first of all your g/f is having a affair with someone online(in my opinion its a affair)she betrayed you.and hasent made any effort to work on the realtionship.(going places ect...)she is staying with you as a stepping stone so when she does really get involved she will leave you out in the cold!and move on to someone else!how is your intimate life?well melissa I think you deserve much more then this you and your daughter deserve a person who is going to give them selves whole heartitly and devote to being a family! and in my opinion your not getting it now!!!please dont be offended by my honesty,but I just feel like this is how i see it from what you wrote! and the only thing that heals a broken heart is TIME!!! and you will get threw this and get over it in TIME!!! please if you need anyone to talk to please email me [email protected] :HUgs jeanette

I am soooooo sorry Melissa, I know it hurts. I am in a 10 year realationship now and if I woke up to something like that I would be devistated. I am again am sooooo sorry. I don't want to give advise to you because you are the only one who can actually make the decision. I just wanted to let you know If you want to talk I am here for you. This is my number 414-248-5900 call me if you need me.

Melissa, I am so so so sorry you are going through all this pain! If I could take it away and make it all better I most certainly would. I find it very strange that Lisa would "forget" to close her messenger knowing that you get up before her. It almost sounds like she wants you to know, but isn't woman enough to be open and honest and so now the ball is in your court and only you can decide what to do now. Personally I think you need to kick her to the curb and hold your head "high" while doing it because you are a strong, honest, moral person who was doing your best in this relationship. She did wrong, not you. My number is 434-589-6814 if you want to talk. I don't get home until about 5:15pm on most night, but I will be here all day Sunday! Please don't hesitate if you need a friendly shoulder. Andrea

Melissa, You are a strong woman to have not said anything at the moment you found those messages. I don't think I could have done that. You have to almost wonder if she conciously or subconciously left it up to get caught. I have been thru similar situations a few times (few too many) and it hurts every time. You walk around feeling like you've been punched in the stomach and nothing makes it go away -right then. You just have to feel it and now confront it so that -whatever the outcome-you can get on the otherside of it. I'm sorry this has happened for you. I know how very much it hurts especially to see the words "I love you" to someone else and not just a flirtation. Let her explain,hear her side but don't accept excuses for her behavior. No one should judge any decision you make until they are in your shoes. Do what you feel is right for YOU. I'll keep you in my prayers Dannielle

Melissa I am truly sorry you are going through this with Lisa. All I can say is that you have to talk to her about it and let her know that you know what's going on. Where you go from here is a decision only you can make. If you need to talk, email or call me. Take Care Kay

Melissa-- my heart is with you. i am soooooo sorry that you had such a horrible day...but you know something, the day has passed and has made you such a stronger individual. It sounds like you are in a situation that you need to eleviate. I would NOT give her the oppurtunity to explain why she is telling another woman that she loves them..you have lost sooo much self esteem and self control over this. And it is sooo horrible to feel this way...isnt it? I can't imagine what I would do if my girlfriend did this because I love her to much IT HURTS, but ultimately, I think that you DESERVE so much more. You are so beautiful, smart and such a "shining" star. You are so positive and add so much light to the world. Lisa is CRAZY and delusional if she thinks that she is ever going to find someone as great as you. You are a triple threat: you are beautiful, you are smart, and you have a heart of gold.....so let her go. You never know what you have until it is gone, and you can no longer fix the mistake of letting it go...... I almost feel that she is doing this on purpose because she keeps leaving messages on the computer screen and she knows that you are destined to read them.. Melissa---you are wonderful, and loved by soooooo many people here. Concentrate on your daughter and YOUR life. I promise in time, good things will come to you. Although God may not be able to fullfill your wish right now, he hears and feels you tears and pain and intime, you will be in the front of the line....i promise..... I love you and i hope you feel better in time ~*MUAH~* FINDA NESSY

Melissa, WOW, I am sooo sorry, words can't describe,, I seem to be the last one replying , I haven't been on alot lately,, sorry,, It seems you have alot on your plate right now and I am sure by the time you read this you would have already talked to her or left,, I can't tell you what to do but I can definitly be here to support you through it,, It is soo painful whenever we loose anyone , weather it be through cheating ,the person leaving or death,, its grief and you have to go through the phases,, I also seriously believe in karma and it will come around,, My biggest fear in any relationship has always been the other person cheating on me,, as I am sure it's many people's fear,, But I don't know about you but I wouldn't want to be with anyone who doesn't want to be with me or valued me .. You ARE someone special and you deserve the best!! I hope you do what makes you happy, and know were all here!

No, they are not BUT you can make your own from stuff you can get on the food stamp card. someone on the main board posted a recipe. It was powdered milk, regular skim milk. peanut butter . Or you can leave the peanut butter out and add anything you want with a touch of vanilla flavoring. Just the two milks together give you 16 grams protein per shake. i can't remeber for sure but I think you add one third cup powdered milk to eight ounces of regular milk. i like powdered milk so I have in the past used this and mixed some sugar free cocoa mix into it with a squirt of hershey chocolate syrup.

So sorry about your relationship. What a way to star the day. I hope you find some resolve. You have lots to fight for. You. They say when one door closes another opens. I believe that. If your relationship wasn't what you wanted then it's time to move on. It ain't easy I know. Now that your going through some life changes anyway. Losing weight and all the changes that brings. May seem like a whole lot to go through right now but you will make it. Keep strong. Marge