Question

Hi, I lurk alot on this board, but I have a question. I have lost 143 pounds so far. When I talk to new men for potential dating as soon as they hear about the surgery that is the end. Do others here encounter this? What is about this that scares them away? This is really depressing me and any help would be great. Thanks, Alan

Alan, sorry to hear you've been encountering such negativity. I guess I'm lucky. Nobody has even said anything about it, directly, to me. Plus, I had lots of plastic surgery. So, lots of scars. Nobody has ever said a negative word about it. I always told them about it in advance. I guess if a guy is horny enough, it doesn't matter. Then again, these guys weren't for dating. Strictly trickly. For the record, my boyfriend also had WLS.

Hi Alan, I can't speak for the guys, but I do have a female friend who had the surgery and has lost almost 200 lbs. She is single and dating and says that she has experienced what you did two times. It really upset her at first and then she says she realized she wouldn't want to date anyone who is that shallow anyway. I'm sorry to hear this is happening to you. Good luck in the future! Hugs, Rosa

Alan, I'm at the start of the process and I'm worried about the same thing. I'm involved with the bear community(I'm treasurer of the Northeast Ursamen) I'm hoping "my fur" will hide any scars and I probally just won't mention having the surgery. Please keep in touch, I'd like to know how things go for you. Big Bear Hugz, --==Rich==--

Bears!! I have a close friend...he loves the combination of the hair and the scars!! (He's into the whole 'gladiator/leather thang') and is trying to talk me into gettin me into one of his deals with his group to compare scars...strange...but a nice bunch of guys.

Well, look who the cat dragged in.

I am so sorry that you have ran across, such simple minded people. How ever they should actually applaud you for your success, don't worry as sexy as you are, you will be off the market soon.

I haven't encountered that particular problem. I'm 2 1/2 years out of surgery, lost somewhere around 180-200 lbs...(I don't even look at a scale anymore) and the few friends I have been out with are actually more fascinated with seeing the scar!, but there's not much to see. I had some concerns with the small amount of 'saggage' that is left over, as I'm not really interested in plastics, I could probably drop another 12-16 lbs if I did, but I'm in my mid 50's and it doesn't seem worth it to me so I deal with the saggage, but that also has not been a problem with any of my aquaintences. I'm just suprised that anybody would be even remotely interested, I am suprised still. If I were in your position, I wouldn't even bring up the topi****il someone runs thier finger down the scar, and either give them the full tale, or tell 'em it's an old war wound...because...it's been a battle...and it's the truth!

Alan, I guess I'm lucky I'm in a relationship so I don't have to worry about this. I'm sure it is depressing but I would think it will pass. Not every gay guy can have an issue with the surgery. Best Wishes, Chip

I have my surgery scheduled for April 12 and I have also wondered how this journey would affect me as a gay man. The capacity for cruelty and shallowness of gay men never ceases to amaze me. You will meet the right guy. As for the typical *****y queens? F*** 'em!