I need to vent

SO, last night Lisa and I finally go to bed at the same time. I go over to her and say, "Hey babe don't you want some love." Silence, she says nothing. Finally about two mins later she says, " Is something wrong." I say to her, "no" I just want to know if you want some love. She says, "What do you mean." I get frustrated and say to her, "Lisa you know what I mean and either you do or you don't." She says, "Well I just think that is a trick question and I am not going to answer it." So I say to her, "there is nothing tricky about it, either you want love or you don't." Again silence falls and again she says its a trick question." Finally by that point I am upset. I don't really know if I am so much upset or feeling rejected again. Its been three years since she has touched me in any kind of way. I have done everything I could to make myself more attractive to her. And when I say everything I also mean going through the surgery. I mean Lisa was not the only reason I did it, I did it for myself and my health, but I thought that once I started to loose weight maybe, just maybe the attraction that she once had for me would come back. It hasn't. I love her with all my heart, and going outside of the relationship seems like such a bad thing to do, but I have needs and desires as well as the next person. So what am I supposed to do. Sorry this is so long, but I just had to let it off my chest. Hope everyone has a good day, Melissa

Melissa, I am sorry to hear that you are going through a rough time. My advice would be to communicate. Sit down with her and explain how you feel. Tell her that you love her, and you feel rejected. Explain that you miss the physical intimacy you once shared and discuss why it has been lacking. I know it may sound cheesy to sit down and talk like that, but after Jacque and I discuss our feelings like this, we both feel so much better. You need to be honest with each other in order for your relationship to work. If you are considering going outside of the relationship for sex, your relationship will most likely end as a result, so you might as well be honest with her and tell her your needs upfront and maybe she will be understanding. Sometimes when I try to talk to Jacque about a touchy subject like this one, she is hesitant at first. But I just tell her that these are my feelings and I am going to clue her in to what I am thinking, and if she doesn't want to hear them, than that is on her, at least I made the effort. In any case, I wish you the best of luck! Do what makes YOU happy.

Girl im so sorry to hear this but omg 3 years!!! you are too patient,what are you together for? i mean love is important but to have a healthy relationship its got to be more then love! maybe you guys can try couple counsoling(sp) if things dont change move on!!! this is cleary hurting you and yes we all have sexual needs and physical needs clearly your not getting what you deserve good luck ! jeanette

Melissa, You get a A+ for lasting 3 years. I could not do what you are doing. To lay beside the person you love and not have intimacy is not a healthy relationship. I agree communication is going to be the key to fixing your relationship. As you get thinner and foxier looking perhaps another door will open, at least thats what I'm hoping for. Feel free to vent anytime, thats what we are all here for. Best of luck and keep us posted. Big Bear Hugz!

Melissa-- My heart is with you right now. It is sooooo hard when you love someone and you think that they dont love you back. Fortunately, in a situation like this, I do think that your girlfriend loves you, I just think that she may not have a sexual drive to have sex at all times or maybe its something deeper...maybe she is upset about something in her life. You are such an inspiration to many people and you are a good person, so dont lose hope on you guys love, 3 years is a long time...... sometimes the one thing that you love SOOOOOO much and care for so much and makes you feel sooooo good, will hurt the most......remember that i hope you have a better week! finda nessy

Hi Melissa, I am so sorry to hear you are going through such a difficult time w/ your partner. To go outside the relationship, I think, is not the answer for you. You will probably just end up hating yourself, and the relationship will probably end. That is not to say, however, that you are stuck. You deserve to be treated better than this! Insist on both of you going to couples counseling, and if she refuses, then go for yourself. You are a beautiful, intellegent, kind woman and deserve the very best. If she can not provide that for you and refuses to do anything to make it better, then maybe it is time to move on. I know that is very difficult to do, but it's time you stop accepting less then you deserve. I know as women, and especially overweight women we tend to settle for less. Maybe it's that we don't think we deserve any better, or maybe it's that we think no one else will love us, but I am living proof that that is not true. Before I found Karen, I was always involved w/ women that were emotionally unavailable for one reason or the other. Initially, Karen was too, but we went to couples counseling early in our relationship and that really saved us. Please hang in there, my friend, and if you need me I am only an email or phone call away. BIG MASSIVE HUGS, Rosa

First I want to say that I'm sorry that your going through this. I have learned that Communication is the key to a good relationship. Even tho' you got upset with her, tell her exactly how you feel. Say to her the exact same thing you wrote to us. Three years is a mighty LONG time to have no lovin at all. You are a very patient person and I think you are one hell of a woman for not creeping elsewhere. Cheating is not the answer! Me and Stephanie went through a dry spell but it was because I was feeling very down about my weight gain. I would ignore her and try to change the subject just like Lisa did you. There is a reason she is not responding and I think you just need to ask her whats up. Your such a sweet person and deserve so much happiness. I hope this gets better real soon. You have my number so if you ever want to talk, use it. Take Care Kay

Melissa- First of all, I just want to say that I think it is very courageous of you to share your most intimate problem with us here. That is a big step. Secondly, you are now acknowledging the problem with you and Lisa...there it is written down and nothing can change that. Thirdly, it really seems you want to fix this... So...I agree with the others that there definiately is such a thing as lesbian bed death. Why we do this I have no clue...maybe it is based on a fear that there isn't anyone else out there because of the idea that(especially in SouthWestern Virginia) lesbians run few and far between--so we stick with the person we are with just to keep our beds warm and our homes secure. Take a big deep breath, sit down with her and talk to her. She might have fears, problems, etc. that she herself is afraid of talking over with you too. You never know until you stick your neck out. Three years is enough time to wait. Take your newfound confidence and put it to good use. Getting to the good parts is never easy, that's why happy times in our lives really feel like they are well earned. Good luck and only if you want, keep us updated!!! -Cheri