I am sooooo frustrated

So Jacque and I had a fight last night. We were laying in bed and the dogs needed to go out. I hinted that I would like her to get up and take them out because I had already taken them out 4 times since I had been home. Since she didn't take my hint, I got up to take them out. She said "You didn't exercise today" I took them out and as I was outside, I got very upset about her comment. It was like she was using that as a reason why I should get up and take them out 5 times because I had not exercised that day. So when I came back in, she asked me what was wrong. I told her that it made me feel bad about myself because it was like she was rubbing it in that I had not exercised, like I didn't already know that. She got really mad and said that if I couldn't handle a comment like that, I need to talk to my therapist about it. I agree, but I am very sensitive about weight related issues. She then told me that she is sick and tired of everything revolving around my weight loss. I do have to admit that I have been a bit obsessed with my weight since started my pre-op diet, but I did not realize that she was so upset about it. I decided to see a therapist after I had my psych evaluation because there are a lot of issues I need to deal with, food and personal. I just get so down on myself all the time. I also get really frustrated with Jacque when she sees me eating something I shouldn't and she says, "if you can't not handle not having those foods now, how will you do it after surgery." I do understand that I have a problem with will power, but I have been doing so much better than before my pre op diet. I went from probably 3000 calories a day to between 1200-1500 calories a day. And I went from no exercise at all to exercising 3-4 times a week. I think she is just scared because a guy she worked with had WLS and she sees him eat 5 candy bars in one hour and 3 mountain dews a night, plus 3 tv dinners all in one shift. I think she is afraid that I will end up like him and not lose any weight. But I feel like I have made some big improvements, and if I didn't have any slip-ups and could eat right all the time, I probably wouldn't need the surgery anyway. So yeah, I guess I just needed to vent to someone who understands what it is like to be fat and obsessed with your weight. Thanks for listening.

Sierra, Hey girl, I am sorry that you and your partner are fighting. From what you said, it seems that she is just really worried about you. Sometimes, I find with Lisa that its not really what she says to me, its the way she says it that really makes me mad. I think that just making the decision to have this surgery is showing that you have will power. You have the power to know that you need to change somethings about the way you are living. (don't know if I said that right) Just remember when things blow up with you and her, you have us to fall back on. Melissa

Hi Sierra, Sometimes it's really difficult when our partners don't seem to understand how difficult it is not to compulsively overeat. I am really blessed in that Karen never got on me about my eating, but there are times when she says things that really upset me and hurt my feelings. We have gotten much better about communicating, but it took us having to go to couples therapy to really work out some issues. When we first moved in together, we had alot of issues. After going to several therapy sessions, we really learned to deal with those issues and talk about them. We have been out of therapy for 3 years, and even though our relationship is not perfect, it is damn good. Sometimes she can be a little insensitive, and sometimes I am too hyper-sensitive. That is just our natures. We really do have a pretty wonderful relationship, but I know we would have never come this far without the therapy. Maybe your partner would be willing to attend a few sessions with you. It's worth a shot. I'm sure she loves you, but it does sound like she can be a little insensitive at times. I really wish you all the best. Please keep us posted. Big Hugs, Rosa

I hear you! It's really hard sometimes to be on this journey and to not always have the understanding and support of our partners. I don't think it's that they DON'T want to support us, but it's that they don't understand how or why. Sometimes it seems like insensitivity and sometimes it seems like cruelness. But I think their intentions are usually honorable. Vent away. I really understand what your going through--just don't really ahve any great advice. I'm still trying to figure it all out myself. Jen

Thank you all for your words of encouragement. The good thing about me and Jacque is even though we fight sometimes, it only lasts for a few hours. We have gotten very good at talking about our feelings and making things right between us. P.S. I had my 3 month weigh in and I am down another 2.6 lbs.