Questions regarding legal rights of partners??

Hi Everyone, I hope all is well for all of you. I have some concerns about whether or not my partner will be considered my next of kin while I am in the hospital. I am American, and we live in Canada and are legally married here, but I know that doesn't count in the States where I will have my surgery. This concerns me a lot because I know Janet would be devastated if she were prevented from seeing me or getting info about me, in the event that something negative happened. I know this could be tricky legally because we went through Hell with U.S. immigration on a number of occassions regarding our relationship status. As far as they are concerned, we are legal strangers, so I am worried that this might also be the case regarding release of medical info to her and rights to visitation in the hospital. I have been advised by the hospital to fill out an Advance Directive, but I am wondering if it would amount to a hill full of beans, legally. We don't have a ton of extra funds right now, so seeing a lawyer to do Powers of Attorney etc. would be hard for us. Is there anything we can do to ensure that she is respected, if not as my spouse, at least as next of kin? I would appreciate any and all feedback on this. We just need some ideas to kick around and we want to cover whatever bases we can. Take gentle care.- Shelley C

Hi Shelly, I just had my surgery on 1/24/06. I had many of the same concerns as you about my partner. We went on-line and found copies of free legal documents and changed them a bit to meet our particular needs. I gave a copy to my PCP, and my surgeon, and kept a copy for us. I think the most important thing is to make sure the surgeon you have and his/her office staff understand that you and your partner are together and treat her as your spouse. If they do not, change surgeons immediately even if it means delaying your surgery a bit. We were blessed in that Dr. Wynn and her staff treated Karen as my spouse. I took her to all my appointments and introduced her as my partner. She even went to bat for me when the nurse said I was unable to get anymore medicine for pain. Karen let her know that that was unacceptable and the nurse would call the Dr. and get the pain meds for me. She told her there was no way she was going to see me in pain for 3 hours. The nurse called the Dr. and she uped my meds and increased the time to every 15 min. After I came out of recovery, even though the waiting room was full of my family, Dr. Wynn approached Karen, not my parents, with the news of how my surgery had gone. I'm sure not everyone has this experience, but we did. Oh, by the way, we did have the legal records noterized which cost us under $30.00. Good luck and best wishes to you and your partner. Please let us know how it goes. Big Hugs, Rosa

Shelly, I think every hospital is different but the hospital that I had my surgery at asked me who was going to be contact person...this would be the person that they would give the reports to during surgery as well as the person the would go to if there were any complications. I named my partner and had no problems. They even let her spend the night with me and brought her a recliner from another room. The hospital should also give you info on how to go about obtaining a power of attorney. Good Luch Sarah~

Whatever state you are going to be having your surgery in - fill out a durable medical power of attorney, and a living will for that state. These forms are available all over the web for free. Fill it out - and take it to a notary public (my credit union had one we could use for free). Then make a bajillion copies of it. Give one to your surgeon, one to the check in nurse, file one on your record with the hospital, have your partner keep one on her person, give one to a family member or friend, keep one in a safebox. Its not expensive to have peace of mind - it will just take a few moments of time and care and then you can relax. My partner and I just eloped to Canada - but filled out all the american paperwork when we got home to ensure that for all to witness - we are responsible to and for each other. Love and support on your journey, ~Lara Lap RNY 4-1-04 400+/180 Married to the love of my life on 1-13-06

The advance directives and durable medical power of attorney should be fine. Both available on the web and hospitals. I filled out the five wishes, which is what the hospital I used wanted. It had to be witness by two people, I put that off and could of had two people in hospital waiting room sign it, but I knew my family would not contest who I had signed up. I am without a partner so it was a family member. Check with the hospital about how they handle things. It does not need to be a relative who is the durable medical power, in fact there are good reasons why it should not be in some cases. I agree that if the doctor and his staff do not treat your partner as a spouse it would be worth finding a new surgeon. Who of us want to support that sort of biggotry?