not the response i was looking for...

i decided that i needed to know where she stood, regarding her feelings for me. she had emailed me again, thanking me profusely, and mentioned NOTHING. regardless of the kind of relationship we have, or that i have w. anyone, i think it's important to be vocal about what you need from the person, even if they aren't able to give that to you. so i told her i felt badly i put myself out there, and she didn't respond w/her feelings. she basically wrote that she isn't sure she wants a relationship, and she has been very avoidant of responding to people interestd in her. great. she also said she doesn't feel that she knows me, and that she needs more one-on-one time. she lives where i went to grad school, and we are a few hours apart, so it's not feasible for us to hang-out all the time. but the, she doesn't feel she knows me part, really hurt. we met last april and have been in contact since JULY!! i feel that if she isn't sure of her feelings, and doesn't know what she wants, then it's not going to work out. i need someone who knows how they feel about me and WANTS relationship! the only brightside to this is that i can reflect on my progress in knowing who i am and what i want--but--it sux that i keep ending up being interested in people that aren't ready/or the right match. anyway ;) at least i tried... anyone for a date, lol?

Well, that sucks ! But I give you a big pat ont he shrinking back for really putting yourself out there. I couldn't do it. Jen

Hey Ellie, Like I said before, I'm really proud of you for being open enough, and brave enough to put together that care package, and allow things to fall into place the way they should. Logistically, it sounds like a very difficult relationship to maintain if both parties aren't up for it; and it sounds like she's not exactly in the start postion to begin this relationship. I think it's damn awesome that you felt your emotions and did something with them. Isn't that what makes us crazy when we want to know what the other one is thinking and they're not sending any messages, or the messages they are sending are garbled and fairly useless. But you did the brave and right thing. By calling, you won't be wasting any more time wondering what she is feeling. You now know. It wasn't the answer you were looking for (or we were hoping for) but it is an answer. So what do you do now. Take a deep breath. Recognize that you absolutely ROCK for being so damn real with your feelings. When the right woman comes along, she will truly value how straightforward and real you are. You learn something from every single experience, like you said. Some people never learn: you're moving forward, and you dont' even know it. It won't be this way forever. There are women who want a partner who is honest, ready for a comittment, and able to communicate her feelings. They're few and far between, but they absolutely exisit. I was 37 before I found her. And when you do find her, you'll be glad you didn't settle. Never, ever settle. Enjoy your life. Date. Play a bit.. but never settle. You're too good a person, and have waaaay too much to offer to just take up with some babe because it's all you think you can get. Thank you for sharing your story. I believe in you. Chin up, honey. You won't be able to see her shining face when she comes your way, when your chin is down. Process this loss, and begin to move forward. There is a whole world out there for Ellie to experience. Take care of your wounds, and get up and go out there and shine!!! Good things are coming your way. I just know it. Jessica

HER LOSS, MOVE ON , MISS RIGHT IS AROUND THE CORNER. DON'T CRY OVER SOMEONE THAT WON'T CRY OVER YOU.

CONGRATULATIONS! I know that reads strange - but its truly how I feel when I read your post. Even if it wasn't the response you had the Cajones to put yourself out there. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. You're learning IMPORTANT stuff about how to love. And that is worth more than gold or platinum (or some relationship with a girl who's just not ready to commit). We WLS folks tend to be diamonds in the rough - beautiful gems that remain uncut, unpolished until we start to throw ourselves into the mix of life and let it form and shape us. And it does hurt, but it makes you stronger, better and more ready for Ms Right when she does come along. Falling in love requires taking many leaps of faith. And you're learning to do it - and that's just WONDERFUL!!! Keep up the progress, the girl is out there. Your radient positivity will draw her to you like a bee to a flower. And when its real, you won't have to settle for anything. Hugs love support and BIG PROPS! ~Lara