i'm grumpy

Hi everyone; I need to vent a bit so bear with me or ignore me or whatever..heh. anyways, on friday i got an email from my mom asking me if i could find out about postponing my surgery so that she could be there with me when she comes home from Iraq. She's working as a contractor, not military. my initial reaction was....WTF!! You want me to postpone!?! not very charitable i know, but holy crap i was irked. I mean, here it is..2 weeks till surgery and you're asking me now?! nothing quite like waiting till the last minute!! grrr So, i chewed on it for a while, talked it over with my therapist and then chewed on it a little more before breaking down and asking my kick ass surgeon if it would be possible to postpone for a month. They were totally cool about it and let me choose the date and everything, but still!! Part of me was hoping they'd say "sorry we can't postpone". i'm kind of regretting asking now, i would have had one week left before joining all the other losing lesbians and i'm sooooo grumpy. i know i would regret it more if i had the surgery and she wasn't there, but jeeese. March can't get here freaking fast enough now. - Kelly

Hi Kelly- I remember the months before my surgery; every day agonizing and I imagine you are climbing out of your skin with this postponement. I do think you did the right thing...your mother is probably realizing what a serious undertaking this is and wants to be with you, and you are giving her that ability. I think you're brave and loving to give her the chance to see you before and right after the surgery--being so far away from you, especially should things not go perfectly, would be a terrible thing for a mom to go through. Try to keep busy during this extra time; once the big day arrives you'll feel like you've jumped on a fast plane, things will go so quickly. A year from now, you'll be getting ready to celebrate your anniversary and these extra days will be in perspective as what they truly are: a gift from daughter to mother. Stay sane. It's hard but it's worth the wait. Promise. - Lisa

Hi Lisa; Thanks for the response, I really appreciate it. I'm twitchy and really wanting the surgery to be over with...like, NOW...but I recognize that I did the right thing by holding off and waiting for my mom to come home. Recognizing it doesn't completely release the feelings of frustration, but it does minimise them some. I just need to focus on the next month and losing as much weight as I can pre-surgery so that it will go as well as possible, and continue to acknowledge the fact that I've waited 2 years for this, one more month won't kill me. (i'm not always good at waiting though...heh) Thanks again. - Kelly